……a terrifying realization

Something new and horrible has entered my world. My body. It started tonight. Everytime I turn my head quickly to the left….which for many reasons, but frequently kitten related……I get a sharp stabbing pain in my right eye. It happened so many times that I googled it. It’s called neuralgia. Yuk. The treatments for it are unacceptable to me, so all I know is…if this persists…I better sell some paintings for some hefty prices to afford cannabis oil. It works for everything else why not this? Problem is…the getting. And…the affording. Don’t wanna jump the gun though. Course, the pain in my legs yesterday and today itself warrants it. I was moaning and Gucci kitty jumped up and kept smelling me and poking me. Who knows. The barometric pressure is dropping. What goes up….must come down. Therefore….pain. Did you know you can buy a portable pressure chamber for five grand……lol. You have to sit in it 30 minutes…twice a day. 1….I couldn’t afford it and 2….I wasn’t willing to give up an hour of my day. Hmmm, maybe I coulda finally learned to meditate. Ha! It’s been a very strange day here. First the weird Christmas, then the boring Christmas meal….no extras whatsoever….then the pain came back. Lovely. BUT….I did get to skype with Summer! She’s housesitting for a couple days…still not sure of her plans. Oh….one way skype…she had no cam. I showed her a few kitties and tried to show her the newest fish painting but it was too blurry. I haven’t started anything new yet. I’m in a very delicate phase in my artistry. Better get it goin if I’m having eye issues!!!!!!!!!!

Let me expand on the……none of the treatments are acceptable to me ….part. There were 2. Surgery…NOPE….or antidepressants, cuz they affected the nerves involved….NOPE. There are a gazillion things now that I refuse….that 15 years ago, I would not have blinked an eye at really….well, maybe a quick one. I don’t do vaccines and if I had a baby now…I wouldn’t give my baby them either. I don’t do hand sanitizer………although it’s really hard to find soap in the grocery store without it these days and I try really really hard to get through an illness without antibiotics. So that my body will not resist them when I need it most. One day I will tell you the full extent of some of these beliefs…but today is not that day. It’s a shocker! Some day maybe. In the meantime….Jesse and I just talked about how bizarre Christmas was today….lol…..I really think some changes need to be made. Here’s to hoping! And doing! That’s better than hoping. Okie dokie…..night night sweets. 2:33am = 8 = infinity = GOD.

I approached hubby with the idea of selling items we have bought but never used. He then…typical, says maybe he’ll use some during retirement. I said…does your company do Retirement? He then informs me that yes they do…but that he spent it ten years ago. He spent the retirement money?????????????????????????????????????????????????????? He then chuckles and says……and remember, you don’t even get Social Security. So…..we live like this till you retire then we’re dirt poor? Poorer than Cathy? Probably poorer cuz you’ll keep spending. OH MY GOD……………………….I CAN’T EVEN BEGIN TO TELL YOU WHATS WRONG WITH THAT STATEMENT. My husband is the spender. Whatever is in his head……is beyond me, cuz every and any person who knows us…has spent any time whatsoever with us….knows this. SO…………aside from his words………………I now have this knowledge. It may change everything. I’m actually considering selling every single goat. The ENTIRE herd. Ha…I have a goat I’m supposed to be buying…now I learn this. Men. Men don’t understand the womans need to have a safe place. A home. We’ve been doing the goats for 5 years now with really no profit…blame that on a gazillion things. Too much vm in the fiber….lice……..low self esteem…..whatever…point is….we spend so much on food, with nothing coming back. 14 bags of feed every single week. Plus the hay, and let’s not even discuss the price of the meds!!!!! I love this life with all of me…..but if it means I will lose it and my home and everything in a few years????? I’d rather just lose the goats….and keep my home. Due to my past….I have a deep need to feel safe, secure. Right now….I am feeling so very vulnerable. I can’t rely on selling paintings….gee, that’s gone soooo well. Bottom line….I’m now scared. Merry Christmas to me. Trust. Maybe trust, faith, is having that discussion today and finding out…therefore fixing the problem now. This is a lot for me to think about and ponder. I’d rather not…but can’t keep my head in the sand now that I know. That would be stupid. Yikes.

Natalie, with Namaste Farms has just informed me that in the fiber pkg she sent me…..that should have been here by now, yay….maybe today? Anyways….she says it has different breeds in it! YeeHaw and yippykayaeeeeee. Seeing fiber inspires what I intend to make. Each fiber has it’s own purpose within my paintings…so this is tickling my soul. I’m truly giddy. It could be in my mailbox right now! Gotta take the boy to work soon so I’ll restrain myself from sprinting that quarter mile!!!!! Speaking of the boys work……looks like it’s getting real sticky. NOBODY is being paid and some are talking some stuff. Kinda spooky. The man apparently has no morals or couth. He’s been in prison 3 times….apparently it didn’t help him. Ya right, like prison ever does. Who knows whats coming next in this saga. Ok…well, turkey a la king coming up….and it’s one of my favorite meals and I’m the only one who wants it soooo…..more for me! Shoulda had lunch so I could eat more!!! Hehehe…..well….guess that’s it. Continuous good for the rest of the holidays for you all! Merrry Merrrrrrrrry. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch. Ps…..the girls got oats as a treat…very happy girls. Pss…the package came!!! Fibers the likes I’ve never seen! Yes, I’m ignorant of wool breeds. Truly spectacular stuff here! Merry Christmas to me!!!! Thank you so much Natalie! NamasteF

20131226-165815.jpg

20131226-165834.jpg

20131226-165850.jpg

20131226-165905.jpg

20131226-165937.jpg

20131226-170002.jpg

20131226-170024.jpg

20131226-170044.jpg

20131226-170105.jpg

20131226-170121.jpg

20131226-170140.jpg

20131226-170221.jpg

20131226-170243.jpg

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “……a terrifying realization

    • They already turned me down years ago when it was way worse. And as for regular…I was one of those ‘wives’ that didnt work!!! So not enough put into system Sucks

      Sheri Lee…….Sent by Fairy Dust from YeeHaw Ranch

  1. So what else is possible? What about taking a portion of the money you have and putting it in a savings account your husband can’t access? He can’t spend it all then.

    What if you can sell more art? What if you’ve been under valuing them? Try asking the paintings what they want to be sold for. Just see what happens. Now is not the time for cutting back. That only reduces the flow of money into your life. Instead focus on receiving more. And check out the book Money isn’t the problem, you are. If you aren ‘t able to get it, send me an email and i’ll hook you up. It’s quite helpful and not judgemental like the title sounds. 🙂
    Jackie.meyer@gmail.com

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s