Nothing heavy duty and no pretty pose. I’m kinda just sitting with what alls going on. In the end, I believe I’ve talked myself into slowing down. Not rushing. I’ve been all in a panic to finish out Christmas…and get all the things I wanted and needed to get. I need to face that that might not happen. Tonight, I discovered that Fredericksburg has an art thingie every first Friday. That’s tomorrow. Tomorrow when the ice is due. Tomorrow when the weather in that town calls for snow. A part of me wants so badly to carry my container up and down the streets there, going from gallery to gallery…..and there would be so many people there and they would see and they would want and and and. Nice dream. I’m silly.
The boy has come home from work…once again, drinking hard liquor. He’s pleasant, but he’s drunk. Ya……..It’s an empty night. No work, no art……just here. Just sittin. And since the boy is like he is…..I’m gonna go. Night night, Oh dear Lord. This sucks. 2:50am=7=holy.
Yup….a little overwhelmed. Woke up to a call from my artist neighbor, Lois, who I had called yesterday for advice. She had none then. But, she’d been thinking overnight and couldn’t I make an art piece out of the whole thing? Frame, painting and all? Ya, see….this is the type of things that could stop me in my tracks. I’m so torn and confused. Glue the paintings? Stitch the paintings? Gotta be another way. A better way. A Sheri way. Remember folks……I wind my freshly spun yarn onto a stick from my yard. I’m not typical. I’m frustrated. Scared of failure. What seemed like a grand compliment….has quickly become a stick caught in my feathers. My wings aren’t functioning. Damn. I’m an artist, not a framer. Damn, and double damn. All that work on the paintings………..and now this. I shoulda seen it coming but most definitely didn’t. I really thought I could let the people frame them how each uniquely wanted.
Don’t worry….I think I’m ok. I think I will figure it out…I’m just blowin off steam….cuz I have a ton shitload building up. I’m outta my comfort space. New territory scares the heck outta me. It has basically preoccupied my existence. How to do this?????? How, how how???? Seriously folks…..I put many many hours of work into these…..if I glue, and I screw up……the painting is useless. Oh this is terrifying. My mind is saying….now Sheri, there are a million gazillion worse things you could be dealing with, the people will think you’re a big ole baby. True that. On the other hand….I am charting the journey. This stretch of the road is untraveled and you guys know…..if I haven’t been driving on the road before….I’m scared bigtime. But once I’ve done it once and I know what to expect….I can drive it again and again. I just gotta keep going without letting the car stall out on the on ramp. (and at 500 words, the night portion is now done, lol). It’s 2pm though!.
Hubby didn’t go to work since the ice was bad in Austin, or was supposed to be. He’s had 4 conference calls so far. 35 degrees again. I know some of y’all are dealing with much more severe and much colder weather. Some of the Natives, live by a creek and they say it’s 33 below there. I know this cuz someone posted about a Native in jail…..saying a prayer for all the people in that area, that they would stay safe and warm. Last night I played around with drawing what was on my mind. Like I used to paint, straight from my brain…hehe, that’s why they weren’t very good. But I drew a warm inviting teepee with a fire inside……next to a broken down shack with holes in the walls and ceiling. A goat is using one of the holes as a doggydoor. A Native is reaching out of a dark hole in the wall with a white surrender flag. There are 2 little bushes on each side of the house and one has the words….Happy Little Bush. The door is nearly off its hinges and the shack is dark and cold. Up above, inbetween the two…..is a single tear. The Natives no longer have buffalo hide or deer hide to cover the teepee walls….and I still have it in the back of my mind that they aren’t allowed even if they could. I googled it but couldn’t find anything. Yup, and here I sit with thermal underwear, flannel pants, a long sleeve shirt, a sweater, fuzzy slippers, a hat….AND I’m under the covers.
The goats look really cold. Not lookin forward to feeding today. Whew, got that out of the way. Everyone was still alive and not too wet, also, not even shivering. YAY. I ran to the RV to check the closets and just as I thought, my hunter outfit was out there from last winter. It’s my really really warm outfit….that is usually TOO warm and I sweat. It’s insulated overalls and a jacket. Now they are available to me when I have to go brave the cold. Now I only have to go out once more to take the boy to work. And I only have to get outta bed to fix dinner, pee and refill my drinks for the rest of the night. I hate cold. Ya, and apparently the pups are eating more cuz it’s cold and I’ve basically run out. Not really enough for tonights feed. Found a baggie in the RV….may root through there some more.
I’ve decided that I need to relax. Relax and let my brain flow. If I can’t come up with my own idea, I’ll just have to spend the money that I’ll get from????? To have a professional framer do it. It’s a real shame. I can’t even sell one to make money to do this. Go figure. Rather mind boggling to me, that they can’t sell on FB. Shit….I can’t even sell the small ones for 50 bucks. So much for the idea that nobody can afford them. Ya, mind boggling. Ya, I’m whining like a big baby again. That’s what I shall title this Blog. The “I’m a big ole baby……blog”. And, this big ole baby is Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch….while she is redesigning business cards cuz she lost her big box of them.