bad memories……and gratitude

The words on the tv show….triggered a bad memory. Duck Dynasty….VietKong, was the word that triggered a memory. The memory is from the 70’s….It’s not pleasant. Not the worst, but it was a guy who raped me. Or wait…attempted to. He was the uncle to the children I babysat from age 13 -14. It was a wild family, the wife was kidnapped due to a hit by her husband….ya, crazy…anyways…he was Uncle Tom. I once ran away from home and destiny had it that I ended up with Uncle Tom in downtown Cumberland. His apartment…..him telling me where I could sleep…me laying down…and the huge image in my mind of a flying creature. This creature, this horrifying creature flew in the air……and landed on top of me. Somehow I got away and I ran down the streets of downtown…the ghetto parts. I was found and sheltered by a group of homeless kids who found shelter in an abandoned building. They fed me a burger from somewhere, who knows where. They saved me. I was 14. Uncle Tom. Uncle Toms….Beware of them.

Holy crap…it’s 29 degrees!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I sheared Blue and Jesse just let him out, which by the way is a huge feat, since normally Blue will only go out for me…anyways……he was afraid I wouldn’t hear Blue bark…he kept saying, it’s really cold out there so I looked it up. 29. Wowza. Didn’t see that one coming. Blue is actually eating right now!!!!!!!! First time in days that I’ve seen him have any interest in food. This is good. We helped him. Finally. I had no idea it was that bad. I hope to never see such a thing again but considering it cost $101………….FOR 2 DOSES FOR Blue and 4 kitten sized doses……………….what does that tell ya??? I have 5 dogs and 8 cats. My son has drank my beer. Apparently he’s been trying to tell me, but he all I heard was that he had money now and wanted to buy a 12 pack. Nope! He needed to buy it so I would have enough to get me to Saturday shopping. He conveniently forgot it was a holiday tomorrow. The convenience store better damn well be open….thats all I can say. Wow….something is wrong with my computer…night night sweet ones. 3:16am = 1 = Beginnings!

And the convenience store is indeed open, poor people. Haven’t gone yet. Been workin on the deer all day. It’s coming along oh so slowly for some reason. Jesse loves it….I just don’t know. I forgot to say Happy Thanksngiving Day to y’all. I can’t say it the normal way, I just can’t. I’ve read too many stories about some possible truths from that time….and even if I hadn’t…….the part I do know, plain ole normal history…..well, sure, ya made friends with them…then decided to take their everything. Their land, their homes, their heritage, their graves, their children, their names, their religion…..yup, their everything. How can I celebrate that? I can’t. I do love turkey though, and the whole meal and what it sorta represents today…..family coming together. So…..I use it as a thanks….and giving day. Today I will give the goats peanuts….and I will give thanks for my so so many blessings. You are my blessings as well, my friends.

It’s a sleepin kitty and yummy smell kinda day here, as you can guess. Hubby did the turkey and his yams…..I did stuffing, mashed taters and green bean casserole. That’s it. We don’t go too overboard. Sometimes we do cranberries and rolls and even waldorf salad. I miss that, so will definitely make it for Christmas. Kinda craving it. Bummer. It’s all good, cuz pretty soon, we will all be so stuffed that the idea will be yuk then. My Thanksngiving tv seems to be KungFu Panda. Watched the last half of One, all of 2, (who knew there was a 2???) and now One again…hehe, then 2 again. Yup, that’s me. BTW, I loved 2 and it opened the door wide open for a 3!!!

Another bad memory…this one triggered by a feel good video. It’s Christmas time, hubby is drunk and getting nasty. Shit hits the fan….he throws me down…..crack……I can’t move. Took my breath away as well as cracking some ribs. Couldn’t get up, couldn’t move…..so he grabbed me by my legs, don’t remember actually, I just know he drug me out the door and onto the front porch….in the snow. As he was turning to go back inside….he had to kick me in the face for good measure…then he left me in the snow. When I was finally able to move….I crawled into the car and laid down. Interesting memories, eh? Strange that they’re coming up now. Not that I forgot them, but I’m curious why now. Good riddance for those particular ones, eh???

Goodness. I’m still watching the feelgood video and I like it. It’s an artist…..he says he went to the streets and set up his art. He said who am I to ask someone if my art is good enough to show? I will just show it to the people and let them decide. Wow, what a concept. Leave it to a Frenchman to figure that one out!!! Oh man…like this guy. I’ll try to get the link for you. He is inspiring me in a big way. I’ve already been inspired to design my lifes work. Will I do it? Who knows…but it’s on the brain. This guy is pushing buttons, good buttons. For those who won’t click the link…….(providing I find it), he used to be a graffiti artist….and was challenged with the question….”what can you do to change the world?” He began taking photos of his graffiti and it then changed. His art changed. Then he went to Israel, and blew the photos up to house size of….an Israeli doing a job and a Palestinian doing the same job…side by side and huge! He then asked the people….which was which. More, there’s much more to this guy….watch the video. here’s the LINK Ok, well………….it is my sincerest wish that you have been fed well, had some laughs and some hugs and are surrounded with people who love you, whom you love. Signing off with gratitude………at YeeHaw Ranch.

20131128-173356.jpg

20131128-173416.jpg

20131128-174042.jpg

20131128-174106.jpg

20131128-174141.jpg

20131128-174213.jpg

20131128-174241.jpg

20131128-174359.jpg

20131128-174500.jpg

20131128-174543.jpg

20131128-174619.jpg

20131128-174644.jpg

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “bad memories……and gratitude

  1. Why now? Because now you feel safe enough to allow those memories to surface. Stable home, relationships, son, husband, friends who ‘get’ you.
    This is a big step in healing, to remember. Good job, Mama! I have watched this in someone I love, and it is amazing. Also important, the ample presence of critters and their love and trust. Bless you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s