To be or not to be…..Enlightened…

I guess I’m taking the night off. It wasn’t the best of days….but on the other hand…everything has a purpose. It’s just me getting upset that it happened that way and not the way I wanted it to happen. That’s control issues. That’s not living in the now. I need to up my game. God apparently wants me to breathe easy right now too, cuz he had the pharmacy call to ask if I wanted them to mail me my inhaler. I had another week still on this one and what????? Wow. So cool. I can breathe easier than I have in months. Anyways….I didn’t want the negative to run into my world. I did sage, but never did get calm really till I talked to Colleen and she wasn’t upset at all, bless her heart! Oh my God……to strengthen a muscle…you must wait till you feel pain before you stop. I was told to do that to strengthen my wrists for painting, so I just finished squeezing a ball when it hit me. The entire human body is a muscle. That includes the brain. Then we require….literally Require pain…..to grow. Awesomeness!!!!

I can’t tell ya how worried I’ve been about Kiwi. I mean, I really believe he was hours from death and we brought him back and I thought he was recovering but the fever I knew he had had….was changing him. It makes the skin all leathery. Not leathery like the mites, it’s different, but it changes them. Picasso went through the fever and now his curls are loose and wavy…doll hair….when they used to be awesome ringlets. Poor Kiwi is just a baby. But anyway….his nose isn’t runny anymore!!!! BUT, Billy’s now is. Arrrgh! This is such an unusual year here. Usually there is no problem….this year feels harder.

The funny part about taking the night off from painting is…..I really, really really want to paint. As I say this…it’s too late to do so. It’s almost 2. Oh man…I gotta tell ya how proud I was of my two girls today. Valey stood so easy, didn’t move a muscle…pun….had food available but didn’t eat it….just stood there so sweet…maybe one day I can touch her without her being in a stanchion. Her and Belle. That’s it. Not saying I can touch them all on any given day…..no sirreee. But in the last few months…nearly all of the goats who had never let me touch them….now accept me for the most part. We have these two holdouts! Belle and Valey. Watch for their names. Ah well…..it’s late. Ye know…maybe one day in the future, I’ll be able to say wow….I am baked on my own weed….I await that day. Until then…..it is time for bed. My pain is calm…..the house is calm…I should be in the Rv……..what am I doing? Ahhhhh….goodnight. 1:47am = 3 = Holy! Thankyou!

Got the painting mailed off for the competition…what am I thinking? Why compete? Why start now? Also….due to the error yesterday…what should have cost around 10 bucks to send…instead cost 40 bucks. Should have just said forget it, at that price, but it was already boxed….so….it sent. Then…..we sheared. We crutched both Belle and Etta. Still no bags. Filled the bigboys water trough….since the new float is not yet attached and what funny critters they are when in rut. I have somehow gone beyond the homosexual displays…after 5 yrs, I had better be used to it. Sure, it’s still gross to watch what they do, but I now see it as normal. For those who have never seen a buck willy…….they are about 4 inches long and come outta nowhere….so they can pee on their face. It’s worse than that though. Not even the humping….but the butt licking. Ayyyyye! Oh great…baby Kitten is doing it to Gucci. It’s a sex house!!!!! Had to stop that one! Kiwi was up and walking toward me this morning!!! YES!!! I know I know……sorry. Welcome to my world.

I’ve been pondering. I’m failing in my enlightenment. I know better, but I don’t Do better. I know that my getting upset yesterday was useless, pointless and contrary to NOW. Same with worry about Kiwi. See…..I’ve been able to conquer worry in several regards. My daughter refuses to allow me to worry concerning her. It gives off negative energy toward what you DON’T want to happen. So, I learned and I don’t worry about her. Remember when I said that you have to have a mustards seeds worth of faith? Belief?……well, that carries thru to worry. I have achieved the goal concerning my daughter and son….now I need to gain the mustard seed worth for my goats and for my art. Enlightenment isn’t an instant thing. And even if you are enlightened….that doesn’t mean you can yet achieve enlightenment. And sometimes…..enlightenment is a momentary light….a flicker. A flicker that we search out. It’s all just so connected and so important for a joyous life to be had. To keep your joy amidst the sorrows.

Haha…..crutched girls look so funny!!!!! They know it too. I think they’d actually prefer a full shear. Both girls were very good and I hope I got enough off. Nothing is more frustrating than seeing a new baby not find the teat cuz you didn’t cut enough off and the baby is sucking away at the curls on the leg. Ye know….I’m beginning to realize that being a goat farmer, means having the perpetual feeling of……I’m so behind. How do I catch up. Yup…..it’s a feeling I wake up with and go to sleep with. Jesse was unhappy that todays goats were Belle and Etta. He said the 2 hardest to get near. I said….obviously you haven’t been paying attention. So, we’re down there…..the goats are all standing there and with a sly grin…he says…ok….go get Etta, I wanna see this! I walked over to the gate, squatted down and she walked right over to me and I petted her then told her it was her time for shear and I placed my hand on her horn. There, so hard. Hehehehe. Okie dokie….thinkin it’s time to Sign off at YeeHaw Ranch.

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