My friends baby goat is missing. Their dog was missing too but it came home a few hours later. I was just sitting here trying to do a thing I do to try to find lost things…and as I began…I had the thought of what I was trying to find and all of a sudden…I couldn’t picture what I needed to picture. I needed a white room. My mind refused to let me go there. I thought it was a challenge, so I tried to see it while thinking in a different part of my brain or eyes maybe. I shifted left to right then up. Still black. I was stumped by it. Now I think I may have figured it out. It’s where I go to find lost things. Maybe the baby isn’t lost anymore. Maybe he’s gone. As in the rainbow bridge. That’s my only explanation for such an event to happen in my mind. That…or he’s been found, therefore he isn’t lost anymore. It is 12:42am Central time….but it’s about 20 minutes after the event, maybe 10. I’m silly and it’s a sad thing to realize. I know how I feel for my babies. It’s different than an adult. Granted, there are always special adults, but it just seems like when it’s a baby it’s worse, so much worse. I hope I’m wrong. Boy do I hope I’m wrong.
Ahhhhrgh…..tonight, Jesse and I got into it again. He was trying to help. He kept coming down and looking and then telling me what was wrong with it. Then telling me to take classes…cruise Utube. After tossing the painting aside like 3 times….I told him no more. I know you want to help but this human says stop…your help is not helping. He also asks me over and over…am I looking at the photograph? Well, let it be known that after an artist stares at a photograph for so long, it’s rather imprinted on the brain and I did what I did tonight…late night tonight…with no photo. Love you Jesse. The boy helps me in so many ways but in this thing…its not a good fit. Kinda like my 2nd husband trying to teach me how to play pool. Not. He just got mad at me when I didn’t get my ball in. Hmmm. Either way…..I have persevered…thru the not so Sheri advice and the lack of faith….kept on and finally, this afternoons painting is starting to come together. I have finally stopped working and put it away cuz I am happy with it at this point. Oh no, not finished…but it looks more like what it’s supposed to look like now. Just takes awhile. I need to remember that. Actually…I think my main problem is lack of imagination…funny coming from a writer of childrens stories. I dunno but I seem to have hit a nerve out there. I propose an artist helps artist thing. Maybe it should be a FB thing. Shoot, I only have a gazillion why not one more? Most have failed but hey…I don’t give up easy…I just keep tryin. Seriously….if we could all support each others art….then each could grow, then each could sell, then each could blossom. Sound good? Yup…Ok…..it’s 1:58am = 5 = change. Hehehe. Night night sweet ones. Hate where I have to go tomorrow and the Doc who wanted me to come in is not even gonna be there till September. Not sure I should go. How odd. Anyways….night night.
When I told hubby I was taking the two goats in…he said why? If she’s not there. She told you to bring them. So….upon check of Kiwi this morning, we decided not to go yet. Wait for the Dr who requested us…to be there. The swelling is down a teeny tad on Kiwi and the wormer has barely had a chance to work…so we’ll wait. And also…the Dr had suggested I bring my two worse cases, I went yesterday to decide which boys…none were worse case anymore. It’s working, just slower on these last ones. Yesterdays goat work is half undone. The three in the holding pen escaped back into the L, so I decided those girls won’t go in to breed for another month. No sense forcing them into the pen just yet. Today has been one of those well needed days of rain. Soft quiet, so quiet you don’t know it’s still raining till you open the door…but steady. All day. It did let up at 3 so we could feed though.
I’ve had some really special words come my way lately. Thought I’d share some. Emmelita said not to worry about my talents cuz she wishes she had half of mine. Wow…..that made me think. And Michele said…” it is BECAUSE we are so talented and capable that we get SO down and frustrated with ourselves! WE know what we are capable of!! Our imaginations soar and our hearts see an epiphany…and our hands create “a picture”. Sure it is a beautiful picture… but not what we see itching to come out our fingers and into being!! Sometimes I wonder if (like all creative genius’) that our depression is just the labor pains of our hearts giving birth to creation??” Now you see what kind of friends I have. Aren’t y’all awesome??? I’m feeling a bit better. I’m praying for artistic imagination and the knowhow to then implement it. In the meantime…I’m still pushing on. Worked some more today. I guess I’m waiting till I have a huge amount of paintings….so some of them might be liked? I have about 4-5 that I need to keep working on and then maybe I’ll show them. I’m nervous though about showing them. I’m on break from the present for my daughter….had to step away. I’m working now on a goat. Yes…it has looked like a goat for some time now….but it needs to look like a particular goat. I don’t need the photo much anymore cuz I know the goat. I keep shifting the painting to look like the goat I know and it slowly comes together. Not done yet though. Hope in the end it’s a LIVE ringer…hate that term dead ringer. LOL. Ok well, ham and au gratin taters for dinner, yum. More rain to soak the earth…and save the fish….4 or so of which were found floating in the pond that didn’t have enough water. More art to be magically poured into me and into my friends….and…..don’t forget about the artists support thingie I mentioned. Anyone game? Ok….signing off at YeeHaw Ranch! PS…..Jesse wanted a pepsi from the convenience store….blazer wouldn’t start. Seems I’m stuck and didn’t even know it…