The past is only there to form you…for the future, which is now, which is now also in the past. I already wrote those words so that was in the past. Now is everything but without the past, now would be empty. I’m saying this so that you know that you are a wonderful soul. You would doubt me, you always doubt me, us. That’s why I added the stuff about the past and the now…..so you would realize that the pain you are in now….whatever that may be…..from the daddy rape or the non loving touching parents….maybe the harsh words by ignorant sisters who don’t know how sensitive you are. Or, being told your art was no good or your poems were no good or that You were no good. All of these things formed you/us all of the past….formed us…to get us ready. To get us ready for cheap men and cheap love, being beaten and thrown around by a 2nd husband, being ignored by our first husband who didn’t want us sexually, cheating…being cheated on, settling, children, and goat deaths. Then there’s the other end of things…..the joy we found when God saved us, the love we have filling us up on a regular basis, and all the beauty we now find everywhere we look. All of this…is because…YOU were. You were born and you persevered. All these things are now accomplished because of the early formations of us….all the way till now. To the me who sits and writes to the you I remember at the different stages. There is nothing to forgive. We are a divine being who is doing our best at every moment we can. There is nothing to forgive. There is nothing to forgive. We are. I am. We are ok. I am ok. Later chickie!!!
Hehehehe. Ya……I like that way. Probably not what a shrink would expect but who cares? No shrink ever was successful in helping me see that I was ok. I was enough. I was acceptable. And I’ve seen my share lemme tell ya. Not one helped me. Not one. And they went to school for it!!! Look at me…..no degrees……….yet I have more than enough wisdom. I wonder about the school system and how it can be shut down and re created. It’s life that teaches…not school. School teaches background stuff. Necessary….but it can be done in a kinder gentler way. Well…I started on a needle painting and eventually tore it all off. No good. Now, it’s time for night night my friends. 2:36am = 11 = master number!
Ok…horrible day. No photos. Took Wiz kitty to a vet, the one open …..and he is basically dying. I just went and picked him up. If the meds work…then it worked…..if the meds don’t work or make him worse…it’s heart failure. So we brought him home. Before that though….after taking himn to vet then picking up a new pump for the well so the animals can drink in the 100 heat….I then wormed every girl and baby. With….BAD ribs. Wrangling….etc. FUN FUN. Oh ya…..as we walk out to the girls to worm them…I see Crystal…..I’m like…no no no………I get there and she is laying with her eyes open….not moving. I started crying…not her not her……….then Cathy says…she’s ok…she was sleeping. Oh thank God……I thought she was dying and I was too late. I cried. I was so scared. But Crystal is ok and has been wormed AGAIN. As I’m driving to pick up Wiz…hubby calls and says White Owl cow had a baby. So….strange day indeed. I’m pooped….it’s 7:15pm as I write this…pizza getting cold that I stopped for. So…….better days ahead, eh???? Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.