I forgive Me…..Do I?

I’m watching…Eat, Pray, Love….the part where they’re talking about forgiving yourself. My immediate thought was I already have. But have I truly? Have I really said to myself…..Sheri…..you are forgiven. You are forgiven for any wrong you did while on this spinning ball. But doesn’t that then give me leeway to commit more wrongs? Nah…I’m not the type to take advantage that way. Sheri….you did your best within every circumstance. If you could’ve done better, you would have done better. You are forgiven. I am forgiven. I’ve unlocked the key to the padlock…you are free. Hmmm……Yes. Every step of the way. When we were scared…we kept going. When we did wrong, we felt bad and learned not to repeat that. When we loved…we loved. When we hurt….we hurt together. You and me. I and you….Sheri and the soul. This soul. No, I’m not split personality, but I do feel rather separate in my brain. The voice in my head and the feel in my heart…can be two separate entities.

I certainly don’t think that’s whats wrong with me…just covering my bases. I think it’s a shift. Every so often a shift happens within me. I don’t know why I’m talking about this here. Even though I know I have before. Each time I do…I question it. Whether to print it. 50 million gazillion things going through my head now. The people are being poisoned and it’s being allowed. That’s just one thing that bumfuzzles my brain. It makes me rethink everything I think I know or everything I was taught. I mean it just stuns and shocks my soul. The Japan thing, bumfuzzles me. The Native thing bumfuzzles me. The scamming thing bumbuzzles me. The actions of people around me, the nonaction when I think there will be or should be…..gosh…so much speeds through my brain. The goats for goodness sakes. They are the sweetest toughest things ever. But even they can succumb to outside forces. Worms. Things are happening so fast in this world that I now wonder…what will be next? I never bothered to care before but the changes lately…not really changes tho…..more like revelations…….are causing doubt about what I thought I knew… and doubt about people in general. Have you seen the show catfish????? One person had like 8 different personalities, complete with FB pages…..who does that?????? Where have morals gone? Where is society going?

Haha…what was I smoking???? No, seriously…that’s my world…welcome to it. I am troubled by so much. I am joyed by so much…I guess you could say I have a full life. I’m just at loose ends. I feel it. Oh well…. Best I can explain it tonight. Nightie night night folks of the world…..Love ya!!!! Love you! 1:01 = 2. Hmmm, I forget what 2 means. Half an Angel, that’s for sure…lol. Google. The most feminine of numbers. The number of the Mother and intuition. I told my friend Mea the other day I had a sense of foreboding. She agreed. What to do with that? Night Mother.

Yes, I just figured out how to explain it. I’m sitting under an unnatural cloud. This cloud is dark and icky and is cram packed full with Doubt. Yikes. Where’s my umbrella??? I’m fixin to head down to the Yarnorama for some generic felting needles. Maybe I’ll work on something today. Not that I haven’t had an excuse mind you….Every movement causes pain in my rib. Every breath, every shift of position and even every bump on the road when in a car. I don’t care….getting the needles anyway. No gun range this weekend….bummer. If he doesn’t take me soon…I’m making my own gun range….all it takes is some targets, some bales of hay and a knowledge of where the cows and horses are. Oh…..about that sense of foreboding. Hmmmm, ok….well, they’re sayin 2 things. That a 2nd sun and 7 planets are on their way here. Also, that the asteroid that hit Russia earlier this year…has 20 more buddies in the same path. If the sun/7 planet thing were/is real….that would explain asteroids off track. Saying billions will die and the only safe place is under the earth…like way down deep. Also saying that’s real reason for embassy closings, not a fake terrorist threat. Hey…just passing on info…do what you will with it. Btw, been hearing this stuff for a week now. I can’t help it….I read a conspiracy throry blog…..and I believe when you hear the word conspiracy….it usually ends up to be true…..after the whitewash.

Belle isn’t feeling well. I had to talk her into going to eat. In other words….she thought I might touch her so she went down to the food area. I don’t know if she’s sick or just not feeling well and possibly pregnant and it’s so hot. I did see a pile of diarrhea though…not sure whose. Also….I’ve been reluctant to say this….but……And ye know….I’ve done this from day one and it never bit me in the butt before……..I’m thinkin lil Star is pregnant. She was still unweaned when I put the buck in with those girls for the fall birth experiment. Buck never bothered the babies before…damn. She’s awfully small. I’m pretty sure. When goats are pregnant…..they lay down differently. Good grief. Like I need more worries.

It’s teasing us out there with the possibility of rain. The winds are picking up and it’s very dark in the southern pastures. Come on rain……the grass is getting crunchy again already, jeesh. And I’ve just asked hubby to remind me that next time I have hurt ribs and need something from the yarn store, where they have angora bunnies which I’m allergic to…….to take the boy and send him in!!!! Sneezing and blowing the nose is very painful. Well…..dinner is ready so signing off at YeeHaw Ranch. Thinkin I may just write myself a letter. See ya.

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2 thoughts on “I forgive Me…..Do I?

  1. humm I always THINK I have forgiven myself for the past. I KNOW intellectually that it can’t be changed and amends have all be done insofaras they can be. But when I get to feeling down – guess who I beat up on?
    I wish I had the answers to how to do this for good

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