Gosh….I’d be a hypocrite if I avoided the way I feel. I was waiting for a good subject to come up in my mind that I could blog, when I realized something. What do I blog? I blog about me and what I’ve learned and if I don’t talk about my mistakes or lessons or failures…even the brand new freshies…then I would be letting myself be silenced, since that is the typical blog from ole MamaSheri. I mean, who am I kidding. It is I….yup…me. I write whatever the heck comes into my brain! Yes I do indeed, but know that I then edit in the mornings, lol. Heck…I’m actually doing quite well, surprisingly. I thought I would be devastated forever….I so love that I’ve been able, with the help of Godspirit, to make forever only last a few days. I am so very very grateful. And so very very blessed. I have tons of you guys, well, not tons, but when you’re used to one friend, maybe 2…..what I got now is amazing and so precious. And besides…what is life without a little drama? Maybe it’s all drama, well in a way it is. Take the Rainbow family people….they ask you how your movie’s goin. I once made a very bad painting of movie theater seats leading down to the stage, with the earth being….center stage. Good concept….bad art skills. All the worlds a stage. Who was it said that? Google to the rescue. Ahhh. Shakespeare. Poet extraordinaire.
I’m disappointed. This is what disappointment feels like. I already knew. I just get a brand new freshie. On the other hand…I had a moment last night. A good one. Jesse was once again telling me I should read my book, every time I’ve written a few paragraphs, read what I’ve just written. I do NOT work that way. (no flow) As I ended up defending my ways, out came the words…(paraphrased of course cuz that was last night and I forget easily)…….out came the words…..Dude. I just wrote a childrens book, remembering each characters quirks and remembering what I’d already incorporated into the story…without an outline, without anything, and ye know what?? That makes me a damn good writer….lol, or something like that. I don’t usually say stuff like that at all. Don’t get me wrong…it’s finally been hammered into me that I can write….but I am still human and wonder. The point is….I recognized the ability it took to do that, square in the eye. I’m referring to the Billy story. Feels good to finally reconcile that. I can write. It’s a gift I was given. And its ok.
As I look around me…I see pain. I see people in pain. Every front, every direction. Every cause, every everywhere. Gosh…some are lonely, some are depressed, some need help, some are sick. Others are just damaged and don’t know how to pull a new skin over themselves. I’m not sure I do either, but I do believe it’s happened. I remember once…on the South Dakota trip that went so very bad. The girls I asked to chauffer me in the Rv I’d just bought on Spirits guidance, somehow they got it into their heads that the trip was to toughen me up, remove my fear. Oh Lordie…they didn’t listen to my requests, they took me on horrific roads, they scared the tar outta me, they argued fiercely…just awful….but one night….George is hammering at Amasa and I was screaming Inside at the top of my lungs…when suddenly….I was calm. I stared. Then swiftly I was angry. It was as if a spirit had entered me when I thought I would pass out from sheer emotional exhaustion….and wham….Strong.
I made it thru the rest of the trip. Who knows. It was like snap. Different me. But it was me. Strange, but what the heck….Life is strange. I was able to pull strength from within myself, to deal with the situation. Because of my background, I can get easily overwhelmed. Remember folks, until a few years ago, I was a hermit. My husband did the grocery shopping. I rarely left and if I did….damn sure thing I cried before I left, days in advance and maybe while driving too. Serious hermit folks. I remember the day the girls, George and Amasa and sometimes Summer……were over at a tree at the far end of the field where the big boys are now…but on the perimeter road. There was no fence then. They called me over. There were horses there. I don’t know how or where I drew my courage from, but I slowly walked across that pasture towards the girls. So very far…and there were horses there…no fence. They saw me and were screaming encouragement. I did it. I made it. The horses were indeed, right there with them, and me….and they didn’t hurt me. I enjoyed as long as I could, then panic set in again and I set off across the field very swiftly this time…lest they chase me….while they screamed encouragement. Lol….memory lane.
I’m discovering that the word…excitement…holds hidden meanings. There are so many levels and so many causes. Some cause harm and some cause pure joy and the trick apparently is to figure out the difference. How does one do that? Well….the pure and honest answer is…listen to your gut…cuz mine had been screaming at me and I just wouldn’t listen. Heed your body’s warnings and you’ll be better off. Just like when your body craves a food…not junk food mind you…..it’s cuz you need that vitamin. Okie dokie…nightie night folks. 11:41am = 7 = holy.
Well, Cathy will be here in a bit, then my friend is coming to spin some. She needs a fun day and she needs some hope. I aim to shoot for both. This also means that I get more spinning accomplished…this is a good thing. It’s also a good thing to get me into a better perspective and mind path. Get me outta my own head and into hers, lol. And my friend, aka my sad friend, now to be aka my Spinning friend….has just left. We went under the napping tree and she got to see and take photos of and touch the babies. Always theraputical. Etta even let her touch her nose! And little Buddha too let her pet him. Gosh I love my goats. Then we came to the rv for some spinning. Made us some lunch, then we spun some more. Lol, in the end, we got very little spun, but we had fun gabbing and acting like we were spinning! She was about to take a photo of Crystal and I wouldn’t let her….No!!! Let me get the pooplets off her first! She had around 10 pooplets hanging on her from laying on a pile out in the pasture. Haha, no…I get em off, then you take the photo. We even did a little gossiping which is not usually in my bag of tricks, but hey…..sometimes ya just gotta do it. Nothing harmful, just business practices and failures mostly. All in all, a fun and different kinda day. We’re gonna do it again soon. And on that note….I’m outta here. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch to go feed.