the Suicide Guru is born……send em my way

Ok, that does it. Sorry, but I got a soap box to get up on. Voice of show host……”Michael Jacksons daughter sliced her wrists this weekend and called 911. Is that a cry for help?” Are you an idiot or what Mister???? Is it? I dunno….what do you think? I can guaranfrigginteeyou one thing…….there are only 3 reasons to attempt suicide. 1. The pain is so bad you cannot go on and see no hope in sight. 2. You are crying out for help…see me someone,…….anyone….see me. And 3. A younger human sometimes will use it as a way to get what they want. So……you’ve got 3 choices. Any and all of those choices may actually kill the person. The young one, may go too far. The cry for help……may go too far as well….easily. And the seeker to remove the pain…..that one will be downright irate and possibly violent….that their plan was thwarted. The person who really really wants to die….will be mad that they didn’t. I’m gonna go ahead and place Paris in either the 1 or 2 slot. Either…get me the fuck off this planet!!! (sorry for the F word) or….please, someone help me….I don’t wanna feel this anymore. This subject upsets me to no end. Yes, there are the occasional ones who do it for the attention…..but these are few, people!!!

Here is my dilemma. I, as a survivor of 38 years of suicidal tendencies and attempts……can probably do more to help a suicidal person than a doctor…..problem is……the subject matter is VERY hard on me. VERY! I guess I slacked off the TBP thing huh? You know, the butterfly on the wrist? Well…..it’s back. IF ONLY they all knew there was hope. IF ONLY they all knew how to reach me. IF ONLY, I were The Suicide Guru. Seriously….there is no ONE place to go. Damnit! People…..the desire to die….is horrendous. Unrelenting. Agony. The purest form of torture known to mankind. Depression, suicidal. The kids these days don’t know what to do with it so they cut themselves all over their body. I thank God I never did that on a continuing basis…just a few times in teenagehood. I know people who do that. Who have done that…..it falls into the category of no. 2. Ye know….they say music soothes the soul…but it also tortures the eternally sad. We fly to it like bugs on a buglite…..unbeknownst to us, that we shall be zapped. Zapped into the deepest abyss known to man. Way way deeper than the Grand Canyons. Damnit. I really was hoping I could avoid this, but I can’t stand it. I can’t stand the fact that there are people out there right this second…wanting to die. I’ve seen them, heard their voices, read their typed words, been one myself. 38 years 38 years. That bears repeating 38 friggin years. 3 decades. How tough do you think I AM? How gentle AM I as well. How much love can one human withstand? How much joy can cometh from the sorrow? This much. Infinity times infinity, infinity times. (that statement brought to you by JBusiness, songwriter, rapper, producer extraordinaire.)

I guess I better get off my rant now. But jeesh…enough is enough. Everytime I hear it its like fingernails down the chalkboard! Ok…on to better things. Brighter, happier things. I’ve got company comin. I know, I’ve eluded to it. I’m still eluding to it. Ha. But still, I want to be able to say that I’m excited and thrilled to have the visit. I want to prepare…but I don’t even know if she eats meat. How funny. OR chocolate chip cookies! She’s the mysterious type. I do know this much….she’s bringing me some silk to spin! Can you say….Yummmmmmm??? I told her….as long as it’s ok with you that I spin it lumpy bumpy…my style. Hehe. Well….just in case tomorrow is THE day…..I’m sayin night night. Waiting….Night night sweet people. 11:54am = 11 = master number. YeeHaw! I’m a reiki master?! Lol…night sweet ones. Ps….night night from….The SUICIDE Guru. Flock my way and I’ll spin ya a tale.

Haha…I amuse myself. On the other hand….everything I said is true. Well, I did forget one more suicidal cause, which technically fits into all 3 categories. The broken heart. The breakup. The being dumped. Which, for a person already depressed…is just the tipping point. Or for the sane, can turn them insane. My abusive husband left me once, Gosh I loved that man so……I was afraid he would sneak in to get his boots….the only thing I thought worthy of him coming back to get…..so I held those boots. I slept with those boots. Yes, breakups are hard…and a death breakup is just as hard or harder. I say OR harder….cuz think of the women who have given their entire lives to their husband and family, only to be left….at age 65. Gotta be similar feel as a death. But back to Paris….nah, I say….1. Like I was. Ok…headed to the house to make the SUICIDE Guru come to life. God help me. And it’s done. A wordpress Blog…..a twitter account….a facebook page….all under the name….the suicide guru. That’s nice and simple and easy. Ha….now all I need is a tshirt…with mamasheri on the front and the suicide guru on the back. I even responded to a tweet from Paris that she’d tweeted before she went to the hospital. She had tweeted….why are tears salty? I said…. lessons come with flavor.

And on to some goatie stuff…. They holler everytime I come outside during the afternoon….is it now? Is she gonna feed us now? But I don’t wanna feed now. It’s so hot, it smells hot. Smells like everything is melting. Well, I went. Took a couple pups with me, hey, they’re hot and bored…and went straight for the napping tree. Of course, the herd met me there. Kachina gets so close….so in my face, that I constantly have to move, in order to see anyone else. I got a photo of one of the pretties laying by a pup. Later, I saw that gals reaction when she realized she was laying all alone, by a pup. Hilarious! I like to just sit, and see who comes to join me. First is usually Kiwi. Eventually, Buddha will come for some love and the rest…..it depends on where their mommies are. Still throwin about 7 scoops….split into a gagillion piles. It’s the only way to stop fighting. They really don’t need it though. Shall be getting sunflower seeds on Saturday to help the ones with flakes and for just plain nutrients. Shoot…I’ll be a star! They love sunflower seeds. Haven’t bought any in about a year. See ya tomorrow people. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.

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