Rainbows and dung beetles….

Depression can hit anyone at anytime. Why? Cuz this is a world of emotion. Nothing but emotion. We deal with these emotions best we can. We can keep them and hold onto them, or we can choose to move to another emotion. And if we just sit in it for a minute….then when we feel a lull….grab that other emotion and pull it into yourself. It will take a few minutes for your body to make the switch from sad to glad….but I am positive it can be done because I do it all the time. I remember a time of years of depression. I remember a time of 3 day depressions. I am now in a……momentary depressions. It takes work folks. Lots and lots of work. …but this is where I am, at this time. Now….some of those moments can go for a long long time though! In other words…even I, who have worked so hard…..still have to work so hard. Life. Life is hard. Don’t let anyone tell ya different. They’re crying behind closed doors.

I hate when people are sad. It’s like that’s MY job, not yours…go be happy. My son is sad and feeling trapped in a cycle of no win. He got a letter from attorneys today, collection attorneys. Don’t get me wrong…he’s staying positive as much as he can, but he’s a 20 year old young man, stuck on a farm, with no car, no job, and little he can do about either. He can’t get a job cuz he has no car. He can’t get a car cuz he has no job and he also has no license. He was telling me tonight of the cycle that jail brings into a persons life. Once you have debt with the courts, it’s very difficult to get outta the streets. It’s a vicious cycle. He was sad, not only for himself, but for the other people stuck like him in a seemingly endless cycle of poverty, who don’t have anyone like a mom to take them in. It’s not just the legal world either. It’s whether you have experience with a job, or you don’t. They don’t want you unless you do, but how do you ever, if nobody gives you that experience? Lots of vicious cycles out there folks. I myself have gone through many, but not as deep as some. Vicious cycles are not the same as ruts. Cycles are like circles and ruts are just that….same place, standing in the same place, doing the same thing day after day, wearing a path in the ground doing it. A rut. Lol, I now know that there are 2 kinds of ruts. One is the sudden hornyness of male goats when the females go in heat/season. I can see it. Rut…..same thing, same actions year after year.

Well, first review of the new Iluru story is…..it’s got great bones. Great bones, but too wordy. And Jesse said not enough words. What am I supposed to do with that? That is not a good start to things. I appreciate my friend for being honest. She read it and she didn’t like it. I gotta deal with that. People don’t like things ALL the time. Just last night, Jesse and I were watching a show about Dj/producers competing against each other. We liked completely different people. In fact….we like different tv, music, food…so many things. I’m bluffin my way through this. Can you see me? Like a mirror. Night night my friends……11:48pm = 5 = change.

A dreary day here. Looks like storms on the horizon. But it’s going to be a great day! Oh man….just found out what was in that dang letter yesterday….10 days to pay or they might come get him it says. Do you think they’d really drive 5 hrs here and 5 hrs back for an $800 fine? Gosh I sure hope not. Well….2 bits of rain so far. No rainbow. Sun is out but too many clouds. I was asking for one…to spiff up my day. Nope…no rainbow…..had to work on the fiber paintings to get my color fix. More rain…still no rainbow….but I did see a dung beetle and a rainbowy dung beetle. There was a large pile of goat pooplets(berries)(beans)…and I see this colorful bug I keep seein, but I’m up close this time. Then I see a black bug…different body…they I watch. They are taking the pooplets from the pile……to somewhere. All I know is, they just kept rolling them into little piles. Maybe they move a few at a time, then more, then more, till it’s a big pile, then they move a few, move a few, till they once again have a big pile…..and inch their way to where they’re going. Fascinating….must be what they’re doing. Just read that dung beetles are a sign of healthy soil. Hmmm. Guess the rains brought a bit of health???? Once again…I see wasted food in the girls pens. This time I only gave them about 6 scoops…..all the way down from 13. If they waste this….grains are over till they need em again. Had a Kiwi in my lap this morning again. Boy, he sure turned into a mamas boy. Oh ya….Jesse wanted to free the baby ducks from the coop, so we did. Carried them straight to the pond and put em in the water. They swam to the first available get out spot, headed away, found the other two ducks, then turned and went toward home although how they knew this I don’t know. I was about to feed so was headed over there anyways, so I just sat down and let them calm, while the girls all lined up to see the ducks. Eventually I called em over and they are hanging out on the outside of the coop. I saw one taste a greenie. We shall see. Also saw a small snake in the pond. Yuk. Well…..it’s that time. I’m hoping some people liked the story. Surely not everyone thought it needed rewritten? Ok folks….signing off at a wet YeeHaw Ranch.

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