I, and my life, are changing faster than I can keep up. Jesse and I used to have arguments cuz he would want to watch something other than what I was watching, on tv. Now…..I pretty much could care less. In fact….it’s 8:09pm and the tv is off. Has been all day. Hubby is still hooked up there in his Chair……but I have been freed. Ahhh, but have I? No….me thinks not. I’m thinkin that constant check of the Iphone, for messages or notifications……has got to stop as well. No….I’m not quitting FB…but I am going to be on less. I just have such heaviness in my heart. A sadness that I know not whence it comes……it can’t all be from intercessory prayer! It’s too constant these days…..so all day, I’ve been asking myself….why am I so dissatisfied with life. When I have all the love a person could want…….why do I feel such sadness. Maybe it’s because I no longer have a project in my lap every second. Maybe I’m socializing so much….between the blog and the FB….that I don’t spend enough time making pretties. I just don’t know. I’m still asking the question……why am I dissatisfied……..at the moment, that’s all I’ve come up with. Have I not reached a high enough enlightenment stage? I have to analyze this. Have to solve this mystery! Could it be that I’ve just seen enough…done enough….felt enough? AM I bored? Hmmm, I don’t think so…….. Maybe….maybe, I’m just dissatisfied with me.
Whatever this is….it is deep. Deep inside me. I am trying so hard to pull it out…find its source. It’s a root. I have to pull it. Maybe I’m going to be dying soon and my soul knows it and doesn’t want to go. Maybe it’s my inner child merging with me. So many maybes. I need to have a shamanic reading. I’m ok. Most folks wouldn’t even know, were they to see me. My family knows though…this one here, I mean. Just a heaviness. Been wearing it quite awhile but it’s getting stronger. Ugggg. Mea suggests cycles. I dunno. Doesn’t resonate. I mean, yes…things do cycle…but this…..hmmm. And it’s not from any happening or events here lately…it’s much deeper than that…..I’m dumbfounded….lol Found dumb. And like I said…it can’t all be intercessory prayer. There’s too much. Anyways….this is what’s on my mind lately. Trying to analyze. Strip down thoughts to their bare bones. Peel away layer upon layer of thought and emotion. Yup…..I need a reading. Know just the gal too. Friend of Summers, and I was gifted a reading from her by Summer awhile back. Time once again. One day. And in case any are confused….the problem/issue…….is sadness without a source. Oh….why have a reading you say? Why go to someone else when the answer is within? CUZ…..I can’t find it!
I’m watchin a good old fashioned movie tonight. What we need more of. 1982…Cold River. So much more content in the older movies. More humanity, more life. More well thought out sentences and plots. I smoked less cigarettes today than I even allow myself. Oh shoot…that’s in the boring blog that I didn’t post. Bottomline…was able to stay away from them for longer periods today…very rare. Haha…was just thinkin about menopause and the fact that I’d already sorta gone through it years ago…and I look up and see the word period. Lol Sheri. I said sorta cuz I had probably one of the lightest cases of menopause in history. I told myself way, for years way, in advance….that I didn’t need it. It was unnecessary for me. When it actually happened…a few months of hot flashes and that was that. A quiet end to decades of misery. Opposite of misery….I found the doughnut solution. I cut the ends off! Leaving only the middle, full of custard! BUT….I’m wondering how true to custard it really is…need to make some to find out….then test my memory taste banks. In the meantime….it’s time for night night. Sleep sweet my friends…..1:46am = 11 master number.
Ahhh, what funny critters these baby goats are. We had barely begun our walk, when Crystal spied the pond. Once one remembers, they go nuts. They all fly over and down the hill and to the water as fast as they can….most doing acrobatics as they run, cuz they are just so happy that they have to twist! They arrive at the waters edge with a skidding halt. I cringe each time, envisioning a soggy mass of curls. Then they get a drink and play together…headbutting, pretend rare ups, etc. They also play with me. They will wiz past me, brushing my legs and I’m left twirled around to the direction they are now headed. Back up and out of the pond bowl…and onto the fields of green. Next stop…..under an old oak….to catch their breath a second before they head to the pole stacks for another bit of play. The day they discovered the hay bales was rich. Many acrobatics there as they went up and down the bale levels. As they would do their fancy twist jumps down to the next level…usually one leg would land between the bales….and the looks on their faces as they landed so unlike what they expected. Kinda embarrassed, or just plain surprised. I don’t think it hurts, but it surely is comical. They only did it the one time that I know of…strange, eh? Went over to visit with Star and them afterwards and jeesh am I happy about Star. I’ve been wanting dark brown fleece and I finally have it. Yum.
Yippee! I’m spinning! Finished up one spool, now spinnin up the ply for it. One can never have enough empty spools it seems. I’m constantly having to wind something off just so I can spin. Why? Cuz I usually just do my project straight from the spool. So….do you know why most people don’t spin in the summer? It’s cuz the wool or fiber sticks to your fingers!!! Got about a third of the ply yarn done….and detoured by a horrendous tornado hitting Oklahoma. Praying for all and especially the children. At one school, there are at least 75 children under the rubble. Signing off with prayers……at YeeHaw Ranch. Ps…..on the other hand….maybe I AM only intercessory praying!!! Maybe my soul knew this devastation was coming. I dunno.