Someone just posted a FB things saying…..Sometimes when I open my mouth my MOTHER comes out…Good grief is that true, but it’s fairly new. I will be speaking and I can actually feel my mom. As if she is saying the words, and not me. It’s pretty uncomfortable, as you can guess….since my mom and I are not on wonderful terms. What could it be I ponder. Why? Pretty sure it only happens when I’m dealing with my children….but it’s so real….so real I can taste it. I’m her, in that moment. Or she is me. I don’t suppose it matters that she hurt me by stealing my son. I don’t suppose it matters that she treated him badly in the end. I reckon this second, that all that matters is that she is my mom. My Mom. My mother. The only one I will have. No returns or refunds on that stuff. But still…..why is she joining my essence lately? Maybe she misses me. Heck if I know. If she did she certainly wouldn’t tell me.
As I went to post todays blog….I had it mostly done…just started adding photos when it was time to add a title. Hmmm, A Boring Ass Blog. No. Deserves no Title. No. lol, etc, and Jesse heard me and said, then why are you posting it? Don’t post it. So I didn’t! He’s right….if it’s that bad, I shouldn’t. Feels weird though. It’s been ages and eons since I’ve missed a post. But seriously….if it was a bad painting…I sure as heck wouldn’t show it to anybody!!! Ye know….my brain went on a wonkers tour, and it seems to have returned to the building….the shell…the body….where it belongs. I was just reading about energies at this time…feeling like walkins….but not…just higher selves….and the harsher the struggle, the quicker the consciousness rise. I like that. So…..love the struggle!!! Yes!!! Shoulda known that….cuz I learned to love pain….well, some….it’s complicated.
I was just realizing….. maybe it was not so smart for me to get so close to all these babies. More hearts to tear my heart with. It’s a teeter totter balance. Animals are supposed to be just animals. These goats and for that matter…most or all animals…have more to them than we realize. These goats are not just animals. Oh man….I didn’t post the blog so you didn’t get to see the photo I got of Khalifa’s eyelashes and eye. These animals have personalities, just like humans and they scold and tell their children what to do, just like humans. They get irritated, happy, jubilant, sick, horny, loving and all other human emotions. They really do. Kind, generous, angry, hateful, plain evil, lol. Well, it certainly feels that way at times. I know I’ve screamed…You’re Evil…when a baby is stuck and being bashed my a mom.
He exists now…only in my memory. That’s a helluva thing to think about…(Titanic)…..There are goats that exist only in my memory. Well, no….no there are not. I always called Cathy over. And besides….that really oughtn’t happen very often cuz usually we tell Someone! I mean seriously….we even tell of our pets dying…see, there I go…downgrading animals myself by saying Even tell of our pets dying. Good grief…..but I am seriously realeyesing it on a daily basis. They are more like us than we want to believe….cuz if we believed, we wouldn’t be able to eat them. Or cage them. Or kill them indiscriminately cuz they are bothersome….yes, I’ve just included insects. They are all Gods creations, after all. Yes, even the dreaded lice, ticks, mites, disease carrying mosquitos….etc. Ahhhh, I’m feeling better my friends. Got my brain back on….heart back on…..was never really off…..ready. Gotta get brave and try the new turkey fryer mohair washer….by brave, I mean….I have cats. 3 wacky crazy cats. Shoot….Smoochie went to sleep on my special ordered doughnuts!!! I’m evolving right in front of my little eyes and I love it people!!!! What fun! And what torture! But oh…what fun! Speaking of the doughnuts…turns out…I can only eat half…..then they get too sweet. Hmmm. Too sweet. Yup, possible. Night night my semi sweet friends!!!!! 11:54pm = 11 Master number.
This morning, there was a pile of little ones to greet me as I came into the L. The mommies get so jealous of their kids being out, but what the hay. Little Heaven was in rare form today….jumping and twisting…almost dancing. And Khalifa…..had to have a talking to. He is such a buck! Need to take some baby scissors one time when I go in the evenings where he is likely to come sit with me…and clean up his chin curls…full of sticker burrs. He’s the son of a Pretty……which means intensely dense curls….which attract EVERYTHING. I was so so looking forward to his baby coat…..WAS. May try a vacuum on him before I shear…lol, who knows. Just saw little Star nurse. She’s over 5 months old….and her mom is still letting her nurse. How sweet.
I’m well and truly stunned. A video I’m watching……they attach electrodes to a plant. One to the root and one to a leaf. They have a synthesizer connected as well. For a few weeks, they train the plant by playing it music. Then it starts to make its own music. They then take these “musician plants” for concerts in the woods. They place the plant near a tree and they talk, so the trees and the plants and they use human musicians for these concerts too and they all happily make music. I can’t explain how emotional this is making me. I didn’t know. I didn’t know. I then felt the need to sit in nature. There were a few goats under a tree so I joined them. Eventually all left but Kachina and her babes, one of which had crawled into my lap to nap. I was pondering. I picked up a stick and began to peel the bark. I had the thought that it was dead. No longer alive. But it had a purpose. To lay there and be part of the landscape…and to break down and become dirt. Also, to be peeled by the human. As I peeled and pondered….I realized it was simply an outer layer….like a coat. Layers of use, layers of beauty and I realeyes’d it was true of everything. That stick…..was not considered alive by our definitions. But it was alive. It was in my hands. It was changing. It was strong and beautiful. It is still there. I am here. My thoughts are on it here. No…it’s not a singing plant…..but it’s been talking with me for awhile. Listening to my words and thoughts. Pondering. The goats came back to the tree so I pulled down a branch for them. Maya and Tika didn’t get any so I pulled another branch. I waited and told Maya to hurry, my arms were tiring….she finally got a few bites in so I let go. She stared straight up at the tree….then she walked right up to me….within inches…..and basically asked for my help to get more leaves. Wow. Yes….most definitely….I’m in changing mode….and so is my ranch. Evolving. The speed of evolution has picked up pace. Like the tree…..I grow. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch. Ps…..pondering the need for a daily blog. Maybe weekly? Pondering…