I don’t always have good days. Well, usually, it’s not whole days that are bad, just segments. There are many seconds in a day. Sometimes they go on forever. Tonight has been long and hard. My son was upset cuz I was too busy doing my phone stuff to give him a few minutes of uninterrupted attention. It escalated. We’ve since patched things up more or less, but it’s still yukky in my belly. And, it seems….I’m addicted to my smartphone. It seems….my awareness has gone shallow. My aware-ness has tunnel vision. Look to the right…any notifications? Look to the right….any notifications? I look to the right, like every 20 seconds. The problem with addictions…..is you need to stay away from them forever. Ya right. Not gonna happen, so what do I do….hmmmm. Well, the look to the right, is really only a FB thing. I could try a FB timeout. Yuk. Sounds horrible. I should start small. Ok, got it. I’ll stay away from FB till 7pm, from the time I wake up. Yikes and double YUK. I also should avoid wordpress Stats. They give me fits too. I know for a fact that there are errors, but yet I take them as True. I need to not care. I’ve needed that for a long time. Yup….that did it….I’m done checking stats. You read, you don’t read. You look at the photos, you don’t look at the photos. I’m just going to talk. Ha…see how long I can do it.
But still…..my awareness is not on what it should be on. It’s focused on a phone. It’s focused on talking to people, interacting. I guess I like it so much cuz I used to be a hermit. But my head is still turning to the right. Oh wow…I got one! Yay…..good ole Emmelita. Love ya girl….gonna make that video for you. And another….Joyce…..see….it’s like speaking to people, but not. Normally, it might not be a problem, but I gotta remember we got a 20 yr old boy here who is unaccustomed to farms…is far away from any friends, any way to go socialize really. He’s just stuck here with me. Always. Well, I apologized and he came down for a visit. And back up to the house he went. It’s just me again. Just me and the blog. In other words….Just me and you. After all…I AM talking to you. To you, the unseen. I can’t talk and tell you what you want to hear, cuz I don’t know you well enough to know what you want to hear. All I can really do, is speak from my heart. Period. That’s all I am…..a big open, exposed blob of heart. I never EVER mean anyone harm. EVER. I just want everyone to be happy. To find their joy.
Situations and life sometimes have you saying purrrr and sometimes grrrrr. Feel both of them. They are equal. Emotion is emotion, each strong as the other. Sheri, Sheri, Sheri….get ahold of yourself…..you’re perfectly fine, regardless! Ahhhh, babies, rescue Mama’s mind. Ahhh, bless your little hearts. All I had to do was go back to earlier today with Khalifa and Crystal….and wham. I’m good for the moment. Isn’t that funny, how some days are all good and some days aren’t? I wonder at it all. I wonder at so much. I am silenced. I cannot speak. Goodnight sweet people. Sweetest of dreams to ya. 2:01am = 3 = holy trinity.
I’m at a disadvantage today. My heart is hurt. Thus, I have no gumption to do anything. Nothing. I walked for 5 minutes with the girls this morning, that’s it. I’m about to go sit with them in a minute. I spent some time with my son, watching videos he wanted to share with me and NOT checking my FB. I’m working very hard to keep my awareness where it needs to be, but that’s not easy when your brain is so preoccupied with something. And my brain is VERY preoccupied right now. I’ve decided to give IT, to God. Khalifa laid down with me again today. So did Petunia, Joy and Mimi. Kachina and the babes were already laying under a tree so I joined them and the others then joined me. My goats can make me smile on a smileless day. See? Whatdya know…..I’m not always talking about my joy!!! Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.