I learned today that the very tiny teeth on the baby goats…..are very potent little teeth. I let Buddha chew on one of my braids today, thinking it was harmless. Well, it was…..till I watched it come off in his mouth and saw him eat it! Straight hair….that’s what he ate. My hair! Little buggar! He’s been coming up to me more and more lately and letting me touch him for short intervals. One day he was so tired he was TOO tired to stop me and I petted the heck out of him. Well, today….he is the only goat who came up to the sister and nephew. He let them pet him! How odd. And speaking of odd. This same goat has been changing so much lately, that I now think he has the appearance of a horse….or a unicorn with different horns. The structure of his body….the way he moves his body. The way he lifts his feet so high….so elegant. He’s not a cute goat. He’s a good lookin goat. He’s a very handsome….very chisel featured face boy. He’s growing on me. I didn’t get to be around him much as a tiny baby….but his mommy can’t stop him now. She can say no and call him over….but he’s becoming an adolescent and he chooses…unless it’s an absolute Order! Which, there is a difference in the cries the moms make. There’s the come and eat…..don’t go too far…..where’d you go…..among others but then there’s the Get back here this instant!!!! And they do. A lot of the times, if the baby is having fun, he’ll ignore the where are you cry…but if he hears fear in his moms voice….he Will call back. I’m learning so much by being out here with them.
Memory lane. I love violets. I used to pick them for my mom in the woods alone and bring them to her with a huge smile on my face and she would put them in the prettiest crystal toothpick holder up in the kitchen windowsill. I was so proud. She didn’t remember later in life….which disappointed the shit outta me. Later…I was living with her…no….I wasn’t. Forgotten memory. Forgotten house. (just a block from my moms) I was in a very old small house on Silver Falls Rd. I grew African violets there, under a grow light and I used the wick system. A piece of pantyhose half in the pot, coming out the bottom to float in the water. I had a large pan with a grid on top. My mom used to win the ribbon at the fair for her African violets. My very own daughter brought me violets from Virginia, or somewhere like that and they died. I didn’t care for them. It’s the same damn thing as my mom forgetting that I even picked the danged things. Why do mothers follow in mothers footsteps????
Oh wow. I just this second realized it was mothers day tomorrow. I mean, I sorta knew it the other day when hubby asked me to choose a strawberry thing to send to his mom, but …..wow, how interesting that I’m talking about violets and my mom, the night before Mothers Day. I find that BIG. Big. Huge! And the guy on Tv says….”I haven’t talked to my mom in a long time.” ….. You gotta be kidding me. Well hell. Alright….I’ll be open…I’ll try real hard. I just have such anger, such disappointment in her as both a mother and a grandmother and oh crap…Ok…..it’s mothers day. Oh hell. What am I to do. Guess it’s a good thing she doesn’t read this.
Shit…I once tried to commit suicide and went to the east coast to survive. I found Jesus there…..I wrote mom a letter. It said….Why don’t you love us. Why don’t you say I love you. Why don’t you hug us. What did we do wrong. We were children. We didn’t understand. Oh…I was 20 when this happened, but inside…I was still the wounded child. In many regards, I will always be the wounded child because my history cannot be erased. Cannot be deleted. I can Rise above it…but the shadow remains. My son keeps reminding me about shadows in paintings. I always forget the shadow…..cuz I tend to deal with the light instead. But he is very right and I proved it to myself tonight….there is a huge shadow under every tree.
I just realized this wasn’t a completely unproductive day…..I went into the 6 acres where all the boys are now…..and no…I didn’t have the courage to go toward them…cuz I didn’t have Jesse there as a backup…but there was also a Mexican eagle there. I was fighting my fear just like always…standing there gripped…wanting to walk forward and I couldn’t. Even though I knew they wouldn’t hurt me, but I’d seen one hump another earlier that day….so I knew they were in some kind of season…but anyway…..I stood there. Stood there. Then I realized I didn’t need to face my fear without Jesse. How stupid would that be, when you don’t know? So….we’ll do it tomorrow. Hrmmmmf. Night night sweet ones. 11:47am = 4 = angels!!!! Night.
Well….aside from that this is Mothers Day….here, it was also…Pretend its Saturday. We did all the usual Saturday errand stuff with the addition of stopping at 4 stores looking for turkey fryers. After I come out to the truck from ordering one from Sears…hubby says…why didn’t you get a seafood crawfish boil thing? Huh…you suggest this now? Lol…..good idea about 2 minutes too late. So yup…that is what I asked for for Mothers Day….a turkey fryer….to wash mohair in!!!!!! And true to my word…I just called my mom. It was a polite casual call of small talk. But, I did it. Back to the fryer. I’m thrilled. See, my wash method is only good for non lanoliny fleeces. I have many many lanoliny goats. This way, I can set the water to the correct temp to get the lanolin out. Yay. Now I can start on a few of the projects people have been requesting….that needed yarn. Like a certain someones shawl….and another certain someones dreadies….and Cathy needs yarn to make a horse halter. Now I can wash it properly, to spin it. Cool beans. Ok….time to go now. See ya tomorrow….hope your day was great. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.