Don’t TELL me I’m not Brave………

I was nervous about yesterdays Blog so I asked hubby….”Am I brave?” He said no. So I HIT the publish button. Bull, don’t tell me I’m not brave! I am very brave. I have overcome severe abuse, severe pain on a daily basis for years and years, survivor of multiple rapes, see-er of a gazillion snakes and I still walk out my door! My fear of interstates that I still get on, my fear of not being enough and I blog my guts out for all the world to see. I go inside goats and pull out babies and I am still on this planet. I am ONE BRAVE COOKIE!!!! I just forget. I’m just really glad I didn’t chicken out. Surely it’ll help at least one person who still had their mothers voice in their head. That was my goal. I’m here to help. For any who have just joined the chat……there is a How To, on lifting depression….the first one is called Springing the Lid…on the Box that Holds you in. I’m a jack of all trades, master of some…..as I recently realized. It’s got its own blog too. I tell you the grief, the pain, the fears, the joy, the knowledge, the heart, the emotion…..Like I said…I’m here to help. Gotta be a purpose for me being still here after trying to die so many times…it’s to Help. To contribute in what ways I can. I think it’s a noble goal. And to let you know….I got some awesome feedback on yesterdays blog. That makes it worth the dang heart palpitations I went through. Now if only I could be forgiven by a friend, all would be right with the world again.

I just had to choose between the comedy movie Yes Man or Free Willy. Ha…no brainer…..Free Willy of course. I’ve always had a thing for whales and dolphins so when that movie came out, of course I got it and played it for my son. The main characters name is Jesse as well. So, as you can guess….I relate to the Free Willy series. Plus they do things the natural way….the native way. Hmmm…..question…if God can heal….why are there so many healers? I was praying for someone and I was asking Father to heal this person and then I was like, well, and I’ll help you. That felt so weird. So arrogant. I gotta catch hold of myself sometimes cuz my brain remembers old teachings. Stinkin old teachings. There’s nothing arrogant about it. So many healers…it must be our job to help. After all…there are quite a few people, animals and plants that need prayed for. I love you. 444 words written so far. Hehehe. It was at 441, so I wrote the best 3 words I could think of.

I don’t think anything is going on in the breeding pen. Jesse and I are having discussions on the best way to go about this. I’m thinkin let him stay in there and cause estrus if he can. Leave him for 4 weeks, to cover it all….cycles. Jesse wants to put him in a separate pen for 3 weeks then put him back. I just dunno. Jesse refuses to watch Free Willy with me these days saying he now hates it. Lol, oh well. Good fish bad fish. That’s a line from the movie. I’m analyzing some feelings. They are moving. At first it was a pressure around my head, almost like it was an energy field that was 3 times the size of my human head….now I’m noticing it around the center, the belly. I’m anxious. That’s what anxious feels like. It’s a tingle that travels through your body, very intense. Very Intense. Don’t go there folks…it’s yukky. Just breathe. Again. Good. Life goes up, life goes down. I’m very sad right at this moment, but life goes up. I just hate going to sleep with a huge rock in my gut. I HATE rocks in my gut.

And the rock is gone, both parties have forgiven the other and on we go. Forward moving. I’d thought of removing this part from the blog, but it’s real. Emotions are Real…..and a baby is screaming. Damn Mimi!!!! Yup, had to go screamin out there fast as I could, yelling the whole time to try to get her to stop. I almost made her stay in the pen while everyone else went out for walkabout, but was afraid it would make her meaner. So, she is out happily grazing and I of course, followed close behind with my trusty camera. Well, it’s pretty wet here so I’ll take advantage of that and go to town. I was tryin to save up to get something for Jesse’s new music career but he said the clippers were needed more right now…so off we go to get a 2nd clipper which should help out a TON! When one gets hot….just swap! YeeHaw and purple roses!!! We got em! A brand spankin new clipper machine. And a smoothie to boot. Got this smoothie from DQ. It has some type of sweetener inside. I much prefer the Sugar Shack with the only ingredients being…..ice, strawberry and banana puree, milk and plain yogurt. Much healthier too.

I’m sitting here looking at a photo of a buffalo….and thinking he must be one of my power animals. He just must be….or he wouldn’t have shown himself to me in a place where no other buffalos were and I also wouldn’t have some white buffalo fur in my pouch. But then…here’s my issue. Dolphins, whales, goat, butterfly, hummingbird, owl, deer, bear, ladybug, firefly, wolf and hawk. That’s too many totems, isn’t it? See, I am the girl with too many names, too many totems, too many hobbies. Lol, what’s a gal to do? Go play with babies….that’s what. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.

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