Certain dates that bring up bad memories year after year….after year

I’m watching the Karate Kid….the new one….where the guy says…it’s June 8th. I used to have one of those dates but it wasn’t because someone I loved died…well, in a way maybe, another part of my heart. My husband Bobby and I were separated. While staying with a friend, I left to run errands. When I returned home, I could tell the lock had been messed with. The key wouldn’t work. Finally I get in, next thing I know, my husband is at the door. He starts talking about how I’m no good and I don’t have any friends, and even my family doesn’t like me. All of which was true. He knew how to wear me down. After all, I was staying in a “friends” mobile home and the RENT was sex, to provide a roof over the baby’s head and a place for his crib. My husband went on a Sheri’s faults tirade. He kept going and going until he suggested I kill myself. We began to argue. He won. I went to the dudes bedroom and got his shotgun out, put it in my mouth and pulled the trigger.

The ALWAYS loaded shotgun was now empty and I heard the loudest Click in history. So……now you know why the front door was jimmied. To remove the bullets. We later found the bullets on the floor behind the door. My guess is, his plan was that I would be so distraught, that after he left, I would actually do it again, but without him there to be implicated. It was a plot. I know this with all my being. He’s dead so I can’t ask him, but I have no doubts. Oh ya……then he jumped on me and tried to rape me but my friend Susan came to the rescue and he then chased her. He ended up in jail and for him…..it was truly the beginning of the end. He was dead within 2 years of that. But can you imagine? Can you imagine being so bullied that you would put a shotgun in your mouth and pull the trigger. People say it’s hard to do. It’s not. You just stand it on the ground and lean over.

That date was October 5th. Doesn’t matter what year. Early nineties….and every October 5th since then. It’s a haunter. Until last year. I think last year it snuck past me, and the day was nearly over before I realeyes’d what day it was. I was so astonished. But anyway, I digress. Usually, I meet that day with trepidation. With my nerves on fray setting. Every Oct. 5th, I have flashbacks, which inevitably leads to other days and other horrifying flashbacks. But last year, I was spared that. I’m very grateful. Who wants to grieve something forever? Folks, if your brain is stuck in grief or sadness….flip a switch! In your mind. Flip it. Try it as an experiment. I dunno. I flip switches on….brain power switches. Light switches. I try to wake up brain cells. I touch them with my thoughts and try to activate them and wake them. Seriously folks…they say we only use 10%. What happened to the other 90??? I command my 90…..here and now. It’s mine…isn’t it up to me to free it? Night night sweetheart….It’s time to go…….2:06am = 8 = infinity.

Sheared Levi today and found three small mite patches, about the size of a quarter. One at the front neck waddle, one where the right front leg meets the body and one by the butt. Gave him a shot SubQ of Ivomec at the swine dose….and put eprinex on the patches as well as down the topline. I had been planning to sell him but now I will leave that up to the buyer. In the meantime….once again, I was sure Milly was getting ready to kid. When she lays down, her vulva swells huge and it even opens a bit, making you think she’s dilating. Jeesh, Milly….let’s get on with this already so you can relieve the pressure in your udder. I don’t like that they have changed colors. Lily, once again has discharge and Kachina is getting up and down. These goats are keeping me on my toes like a ballerina. We only sheared the one goat, cuz I was so sure about Milly. Haha…when all else fails…..Laugh!!! And for goodness sake…..tomorrow is Saturday again!!! To leave or not to leave. Late last night, it stuck me, that the Postal worker lady didn’t have me fill out customs forms for the two parcels I mailed. I called her today and she said, oh dear, that’s right. So, if it comes back here, she will resend it at no cost to me….thing is…how long will it take?

Ugggh, I’ve got a case of the sleepies. A serious case. It’s like a desire from my body but my mind says No way. We don’t Do naps. Ha….and then there’s another part of my brain that’s saying…..shoot….let’s go on vacation for a couple weeks and when we come back….there will be some babies. Actually, the birthing is usually one of my favorite parts….this year, I’m just a tad brain strained. Did I mention how warm it is? It’s in the 80’s and way higher here in the Rv I bet. After tonight, it’s supposed to start dropping in temps until Sunday 36, Monday 32 and Wednesday 36. That’s just crazy….freezing temps at the end of March. But this 80 by day, 30 by night…now that’s just wackadoodle. Have you noticed I’ve been getting the blog shorter finally? Sorry bout that…it was the newness of living in the Rv. I know nobody wants to read blogs that long, but I just had so much to say! Now I’m calming. On that calm note……still in the waiting room……signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.

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