a Self talk surprise…….

Honey, I’m a born writer! Those words just played out in my head as I was pondering on Cathy’s dilemma on writing up her witnessing of my transformation from hermit to MamaSheri. Her problem is, she’s thinking about it too much. Thinking how she wants to say things. I’ve learned that the best way is just to write it in the present moment, that’s where Truth lies. We were just talking about truth tonight so I read her that paragraph from last night. We were connecting on a deep level and I said, sure you aren’t a twin flame….she said….we just both have gotten to the truth and we don’t care much for anything that isn’t. Yup. Anyway….ya, I guess she’d need time to gather her thoughts, shoot, I get a whole month between Hoegger blogs.

 

Ok….back to the beginning….honey I’m a born writer……..the problem I encounter is how do I reconcile that person, who thought those words with that attitude thrown in….with the person who thinks my stuff isn’t good enough. How do I integrate them? Join, combine, blend. I’m evolved enough to have caught it….and damn proud of it. Seriously….how many of you can catch your alter ego…ha…one of them….in action? It’s not easy. Takes plenty of brain work. Unless I’m wrong of course…..always room for that! Any of you have an easy time catching yourself saying something positive to yourself? See, I don’t really remember it now, but I was playing out a scenario in my head…and that was my response to whatever doubt the other part of me was obviously playing out….honey, I’m a born writer. Love it.

 

I’ve come up with a new idea for the cutters. The project I’ve been helping is The Butterfly Project. Well….I’ve seen no good response from that so I’m changing it up. Don’t Cut Draw. DCD. Drawing is a mind activity which can occupy a pain filled moment that seems too endless to go on. When you’re in it…you don’t think there’s hope. You think you can’t go on another second. And another second goes by. But you can’t go to the next. That my friends….is HELL. There are many versions of Hell here on earth…..Hell IS on earth…but that was mine. 38 years of it. 51 ½ now…so 13 ½ years since Hell. I’d say that calls for a YeeHAW!!! No…I was not a cutter per say…but I did slice my wrists many times throughout my life and I did carve words into my arm in my teenage years.

OH my God…it just occurred to me that I might have my own money at a fiber fest! To get to buy what I want? Oh holy crap! Someday…..if I keep selling things….I will indeed be buying things from the festivals and not just standing there dreaming. I remember the first fiber fest I went to…my mouth hanging open the entire time. We fell in love with that pink cape I told you about but the thing is…..WE didn’t. Hubby did. I liked the fawn colored one. Needless to say…I came home with a beautiful pale pink cape. Oh God…NOT speaking of pink capes……I discovered that when I gave baby Diamond the shot of LA 2000, I apparently drew back some blood. I saw it in the syringe today!!! Can’t be good. I’m sure that’s not what killed her, but still……for Gods sake, I need to learn how to do this better! Next time I go to the Vet…I’ll get him to teach me again.

 

So…Yoki IS pregnant! I’m so thrilled. I love Yoki. Back before the babies came you probably saw photos of her a lot. Her and Happy. Yazhi is sweet, but not as pretty as my Yoki….and not as long haired as my Happy. Ha….I’m a fiber person, what can I say. Most girls have singles the first time, then twins after that. Imagine tiny little Yoki having twins!!! Holy cow…she could. Cherub was so sweet. It took awhile to get her standing…overnight for sure. She slept in a blanket right by my pillow that first night, all 3 pounds of her. Her mommy was so young and she was so unexpected. I only found her cuz I had stalled Loveys bottle that night till nearly 2am. If I hadn’t stalled….I probably would never have had that week with her. Still can’t believe it was only a week, when in my head it is 3 weeks. I loved that baby. She screamed the last two days, despite vet treatments and I let her die with her mommy, Yoki. One of the harsh realities of ranching. I would say farming but that connotates food….or cotton. Wind is kicking up tonight but the night is just right. Oh ya….finally I remember……everynight when I lay down…..since I no longer do the curtains…..I see the stars. It is an awesome moment, every single night. Night night sweet star gazers and STAR lovers! 12:57am = 6 = earth.

 

Well, I did the no no thing. I went to town. Nobody was doing any signs of imminent kidding, so all 3 of us went on Saturday errands. Had a great meal at Chili’s, got groceries….including the fixins for this thing I’ve been seeing on FB……layer of chocolate chip cookie dough, a reeses cup then fill top with brownie mix!!!! Yum!….I’ll let ya know if they’re any good. Cathy wasn’t even home to do checks but I said…hey…they’re probably waiting for me to leave. But no. No new babies running around….yay. I don’t want to miss any births, but I did want them to at least think about going in labor!!!! Lol. I’d like to hug Yazhi’s belly again for longer this time…..to see if there are any movements. So far…none. Also….it looks like Moonee is staying here.

 

Do y’all know how much I hate dishonesty? Well, lemme tell ya. I hate dishonesty! I took a vow of honesty with myself and God for just that reason. Do people really think lying is better than the truth? Really think it spares our feelings? No….it only spares yours. And life goes on… Ya…..and feeding these goats is next on the list of life. Then I’m done for the day….no dinner to cook. I don’t cook on Saturdays, yeehaw. Oh….before I forget….the simmering of the dye with the roving in it….not the best idea. I know others do it, but it comes out tough…not soft. So, I would advise boiling the dye materials awhile, then just turning it off and add the fiber…allow to soak. I don’t know people….I’m just learning this stuff as I go. I know how to do the koolaid… that one’s easy….well, once you know what to do that is. I found a video of Khalifa playing that I never got around to uploading. Got it on Youtube now. Still no movement in Yazhi’s belly…not giving up hope though. Ahhh bummer, my smoothie is coming to and end….as is this here blog. Goodnight my friends…..Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.

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4 thoughts on “a Self talk surprise…….

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