Not your everyday average blog from me…but it is what it friggin is. My Rv and my Iphone have been hijacked by my son, so he can have fun and flirt with a girl, on a night when I have two does potentially kidding….it’s cold outside and he wanted me to stay out there. No friggin way Jack. Earlier when we were arguing, I told him to get out of the Rv. He refused. This comin into my space and then refusing to leave when asked is bully mentality. Been there, done that. I’m friggin angry right now people. I refuse to delete this either. Nope. There for all it’s nastiness or glory. See….this isn’t the first time this has happened. I don’t even remember which birth it was…musta been Maya…..we got in an all out screaming argument for the longest time….an hour maybe…..I was so distraught. I was crying and like….I’m stressed out already…I don’t need this dude. That night, he played the electro music here and it upset me to no ends.
Normally it doesn’t bother me….but when you’re stressed and anxious about your babies giving birth….trust me….electro music is not what you want to listen to. I mean seriously folks. Music? If at all….needs to be soothing. Arguments? Not. Bad. Very bad. I tell him I want the phone battery completely charged at all times…he argues how many photos I would have to take to drain the battery. I tell him I need my space to write my blog….he says…how often do I do this….almost never. IN the meantime…my throat is sore and I have a headache. So pleasant. Yes, he’s in my space right now….but I shall overcome. I have overcome, with the exception of the lingering pissedoffness, that taints everything.1:58am..whatever I’ve just said….I said it pleasantly, lightly…sweetly…….in truth…it was none of that. One am and he will not leave. What am I supposed to do…physically move a 19 year old man? Finally, I am telling you that not all aspects of my sons living here are pleasant. Now…he goes…this second, and the tears fall. The tears of frustration….of disillusionment, of pure D failure. Many names were called…bad words…and it ended with him calling me an asshole…as he finally friggin left my ROOM. Still reeling at 1:09am.
Yazhi has been leaking blood but not clear gunk. This has me concerned. Poor Milly for goodness sakes, don’t know what to do for her. Saw the babies rollin and stretching, huge movements, 6 or more inches away from her…in a rollercoaster type motion. I felt it. Milly will let me do any dang thing I please to her. She loves me. Man it’s cold…..it’s to the point I’m hoping the girls wait till morning….at least when it’s warmer. Ya, I know…there are goats being born all over the planet in the snow and freezing….but I’m gonna hope anyway!!! IN DAYLIGHT, IT’S WARMER AND I DON’T HAVE TO DRY THEM AND INTERFERE. I CAN JUST LET THEM BOND, BUT AS IT IS….AFTER WHAT HAPPENED TO BABY Diamond, I’m certain that I need to pen the two together if born at night.
I actually had Yazhi penned in the new little pen I made the other day….but decided that would just stress her and I didn’t want that. Let her have the baby in freedom….then put them up. So she doesn’t lose the baby and it get hypothermia and no milk. Jeesh. You guys have NO idea how aggravating…how nerve wracking it is to sit and wait…and listen, well, I guess most of you do…but Arrrrgh!!!! (I feel like I’m ready to explode!!! It’s accelerated by the presence and occupation of my space and my phone which is still going on at 12:13am. Started around 9. I’ve had no control and that bothers me to no end. Having loss of control is one of the most horrible experiences……even though we live it every day. In this case though…..someone has Taken my control. Feeling helpless. This is familiar. I hate it. Apparently I am not yet whole. Not yet healed. Knew that. But feeling it hurts. THAT’S WHY MY ANGER COMES OUT…I FEEL SO HELPLESS. How can I help myself? Hello God…whatcha tryin to say tonight with all these capital letters? I feel like screaming, but I’ve already done that, that’s why my throat is sore and I have a background headache. Ahhhhhhh.)(written after the fact…that’s why the times seem off.)
So. What should we talk about? The Pope? No. The Indians? No. How about that the cancer institute says that cannabis…ya…POT…….heals breast cancer and another one, I forget. Gee….ya think? But the point is they are now saying it…on NBC News. Isn’t that what it takes to get people to believe it? If it’s on the local news or the popular news like CNN, FOX, MSNBC. Well…..then we have arrived folks. NBC is pretty big. At least as big as the Rolling Stones. 12:44am….hello angels! = 11 = master number. Night night sweet sweet ones. I adore you all. You make my day and my life. Keep on my friends…..keep on.
Well good grief. What a day and it’s only 2:30. No babies. Did the morning check at 8:30. Went back to bed. Phone woke me at 9:30 so I got up. Nothing. Still a bit of blood drips on Yazhi so called the vet who wasn’t there so I called the big guns… Texas A & M. They said to go in. Tried. Not dilated in the slightest and a wall up ahead of my fingers. Don’t have a clue what’s going on. Could be she has miscarried, and that would be devastating for me, so let’s pray for Yazhi, ok? Milly also, still has not kidded. Then I found out that not only did they not count Jesse’s jail time as sitting fines out…..he now has 3 warrants. Isn’t that special. I let the Littles out to eat greenies and haven’t taken a single photo. Not like me at all. I gathered up all the roving I’ve dyed in my quest for copper and you will get a kick outta the photo. Quite hilarious to be sure. Oh ya….sorry about not getting those video links up yesterday….I thought I was kidding some babies….so was down here. They have been uploaded to Youtube, now all I gotta do is add links for ya. So… Mama sings is here and Heaven kisses is here. Hope it worked!!!!.
As I was telling Cathy today, my nerves are fried upon fried and now there’s a layer of burn. Maybe I will go to town Saturday…they seem to like to give birth when I’m not here. I’ll be checking Yazhi’s udder today and see if that tells me anything. Just talked to Lisa and she says wait and see, which is where I was, mind wise. She said it could be a miscarriage or it could be nothing and the baby is fine. No udder. Hmmm. Not good news. Either bad news or she was never pregnant, but why she would grow so big without eating greenies, I can’t imagine. Ahhh well. Life. Death. Or……ignorance and incompetence. Heavy sigh.
At feeding….Heaven discovered the cheap creep gate…lol, my gate, with a large gap. That was fun. She went exploring and Yazhi was very interested in her, as was Happy. Then Mimi saw her. I think she knew. She usually headbutts the fence when babies come visiting from the other side….this time she put her nose through the fence to try to touch the baby. Baby had a blast jumping and hopping and Mama had a blast taking photos of the hops, although hoping the sun wasn’t killing the photos. No idea yet. Well, I think that’s everything. Signing off frustrated and resigned from YeeHaw Ranch. Resigned that this could take forever!!!! P.S. Told ya I wouldn’t delete it this time.