It’s amazing what can transpire in a matter of a few hours. 180 minutes. This was subtle and sneaky. It started with the anger about the electric plug not being plugged in at source, therefore draining the Rv battery. I thought I had calmed it, but I’d only put a bandaid on it. My anger has been spilling all over everything, making a huge mess. Then, I saw on FB, a conversation between friends about the status of milk, I think. They were saying how nothing was safe to eat. Whammo! Months and months of posting and pointing out the hypocrisies I see, the cruelty I see. I talked of how we are being poisoned from the air, ground, food, and drink. I’ve talked of them trying to stop the side of the road grower and farmers market. Told you of Monsanto, the Natives water, so many many things. I even told you it all had to do with the $$$…the doctors, the diseases, the vaccines, the pills, the $$$. Tonight, for some ungodly reason….it all landed on me like a ton of bricks. A ton of bricks hurts. I am Jaded. Disillusioned. Disenchanted. Yup…..jaded.
The world…is not as I had thought. Not at all. I feel like I knew, and believed these things….but didn’t really wanna believe. The kicker lately has been the aspartame. Thanks to the internet….Everybody and their brother knows that it is harmful, same with fluoride. Now I hear they want to put it in the milk. They want to put something that harmful in our MILK? What milk….the cow milk that we shouldn’t even be drinking…..and if we have to…do raw…but oh no…raw is illegal! If it helps you it’s illegal and if it hurts you it’s legal. Been saying this and saying this….but somehow tonight, it reached my pit. The base line of ME. So many things rushing thru me. If cancer can be cured by several things…..but we’re not allowed to have them…..was the friggin cancer created in a lab? See, jaded I tell you!!!
I’m pissed. Infuriated. Wondering if there’s a safe place on the planet? Wondering how I grew this old without realeyesing. And yes, I’m going to keep spelling it that way…it’s waking me up. What do you do when you reaeyes that the world is full of monsters and boogeymen and they control the people. They control you. You just have an illusion of being free, but in reality……you are the little bird….the little bird carried into caves or bad situations….to test the air. Jr Birdman. Am I in an episode of The Truman Show? Someone should come get me now….and take me to the REAL place where….all you need is Love. My stomach hurts. Why not eat a poison cookie? So I am. Ahh, the preservative in my killer cookies is…..TBHQ….which comes from petroleum and is related to butane. Yum. Hmmm, also causes cancer and damages DNA. The good news is…you can’t die from an overdose of it. Yay…way to go people….friendly little Keebler Elves!!!!!Oh crap…there goes another strand of DNA…..yup…..the monsters have hooked me….I, the tiny birdfish…..am eating another tainted cookie.
So….I guess we were better off pre-internet. When we didn’t know. When we thought the world was kind, and we believed in our country, our president. The united states of peons. Crunch….down goes another cookie. Let’s look up Jaded. Made dull, apathetic, or cynical by experience. Ok…so how does one go on in the world after such realeyesations. Man, I guess that’s why we need Rainbow Warriors!!!!! Enlightened Ones. Someone’s got to put the plot right! I already told you….all movies have happy endings and I’m in one helluva movie. Then again….I don’t recall trying out for the part…and where’s my paycheck? 51 ½ years times seconds in a day……And believe you me…..some of those seconds were lifetimes. Ok….got it. 31,556,926 seconds, times 51.5 years. Oh dear. I don’t know how to read the answer. 1.625182e+9. Hmmm. Well, hell….someone figure up my wage!!!!! Fine….I’ll settle for things. Any damn thing I want for the rest of my Life. If I want it….you deliver it. YOU, being whoever the crap is in control. God???? Nope….not ready to go there with this tonight. This is enough resentment/disillusionment/jadedness for one night. And btw….what the hell kind of answer was that?……..1.625182e+9.
So….this night…this mindbending mess is meant to be. Of course….but why? Do you see how full my thoughts are? Now, I not only have to process the monster bit…but also the meant to be/why are we here aspect of Life. And top it off……..when I expressed some of this to hubby tonight, all choked up….when I was done……he talked to the kitty. And it was outta there…..now now now sheeeyaaaa!!! (words from teenagehood). Who ever said enlightenment was pretty? Not a soul!!! I guess it’s time for a choice. A mind choice. I already made it. I will shut this down. I know how. I will just push it down like the jagged little pill that it is. My favorite joke………what bird represents freedom….eagle. What bird represents peace…..dove. What bird represents true love…..swallow. Swallow. Otherwise….this would depress me. Depress me greatly. Won’t go there. Wow….865 words to go in and out of a meltdown. Ha…bet I’m not supposed to swallow…probably supposed to become a warrior. Gotta ponder it while it sits below the surface….not AT the surface.
Was gonna chunk this, but Jesse read it and said it was useable. 😀 Yup…I’m good now. Truly calm this time….but what did I see upon my return to FB? Children eating 12 hotdogs a month or more have 9 times the risk of getting leukemkia. AND,” EPA approved” GMO crap killing off the bees. Ever eat a pine tree? Lol, an old Euell Gibbons saying….and title to one of his books. I LIKED the hotdog one…then immediately Unliked it…then remembered I AM a Warrior. Warriors don’t stick their head in the sand when they hear the enemy plans. Night night my sweets. Till tomorrow. 12:46am = 4 = hello angels.
And I woke to……chicken has arsenic in it…they finally fessed up about it! Guess I’ll be eating arsenic tomorrow. We also woke to another Wind event. The Rv was a rockin and rollin while I tried to sleep this morning. It’s still whipping out there. Shearing canceled on account of wind. Cathy came over and so it’s been just a windy non productive day. I got all excited last night when Lily was digging but then she just alid down and stayed there. Today, it’s Joy digging, but also just to lay down. Nobody going up and down. Yes, I’ll live if they turn out to be Marshalls babies….but that’s forever away. I really wanted my pinto to breed them. Still time. Let’s put it this way. If the babies don’t come till April….they are either Picasso’s or Marshalls. But the only 2 that would be Picasso’s would be Mimi and Yoki. Damnit…..babies NOWWWWW!!!! Ha…no worries Sheri Lee…..there’s always next year. Or this spring… which is coming up soon!!! I even have 2 available pens to do the spring breeding in. Last night I slept with the windows open. Tonight it will be 31. Just roll with it girl. Ernie is sleeping in the tall grass outside my window. So pretty. Already been sneakin up on him. They’ve been there for hours. The inside of the Eyes, is purple!!! Ann!!! Ah man…one of the ladies on Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, is wearing a mohair cape. Yes….love it.
I need some new hoppers. Khalifa is turning into a goat now and very few hops left in him. He eats hay and grain now along with his mommy milk. Too busy eating to hop. Well, dinner needs made so…….signing off at YeeHaw Ranch….with my Warrior boots ON…Ps….Hungary destroyed all GMO corn fields!!!