Find your HEARTbeat……..

Wow, what an evening! I sold my first shawl!!! I’m so excited and thrilled. I had under priced it because I needed the money and my friend Tracee offered what I would have charged on any other day! That was a boost to my soul and direly needed. I even got a request for one in a larger size! I can do that! Wow, life moves swiftly. Last night I was crying. Tonight I’m smiling. The never-ending rollercoaster ride of life. Maybe I can make it doing this after all. I can supplement and help pay for the feed and things they need. That’s usually what I want money for, the goats. But every now and then, it’s my kids who need things. And I personally get pretty much what I need, but with all hubbys talk of…no money, no money…. It was starting to freak me out.
I guess I’m shy. Well, I know I’m shy. Not with my words, but with things I have created, be it paintings, poetry, some writings, fiber art….things that I create…that I don’t know if others will like. I think they will, but something in me shrugs them off…oh, nobody will want this. It’s bad self esteem still hovering around. It doesn’t just go away cuz you’re on a spiritual journey. It IS the spiritual journey. Finding your way. Rising above. Finding YOUR way (my caps). Finding your meaning, your purpose, your heartbeat. Yes, your heart beat.TE THING THAT USES YOU UP AND SPITS YOU OUT CUZ YOU HAVE TO DO ITWITH ALL YOUR MIGHT AND IF YOU DON” YOU KNOW YOU WILL JUST BUST BECAUSE YOU CAN”T STOP< YOU HAVE TO CREATE IT< HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO FEEL THE POUNDING< THE BEATING>>>>>FINALLY< OF YOUR HEART> And that my friends is how Spirit talks through me, or lets me know he’s listening. I think I’ll go ahead and leave the typos, just to prove to you that this is truly happening. I want to fix that first word, THE so bad. Ha….I love it every time that happens. I was just telling this to someone in FB message earlier tonight. Pretty much what is in CAPS up there. I guess it’s Spirits way of bolding the words he wants to highlight. Pretty dang cool. Now if He would just give me some hints…lol.
Gosh, I’m at that point again, where I know they’re pregnant, see their udders filling day after day….but I’m thinking I must be imagining it. Nobody is pregnant. There are only 2 babies. Where are the babies? I’ll never do it this way again. Dang, but on the other hand…it really is cool getting to know them one on one. And it is fun out here and it is different out here and it is an adventure out here and I am alone out here and I am happy out here and I am creating creations out here. That was a mouthful. I think I just caught myself complaining and stopped it. I just want the babies to be here already and to come easily and being healthy beautiful and colorful. I don’t care what gender. And for that matter, they could all be solid white and I’d still be happy and they could all be sick and need to be nursed to health and I’d be happy….etc.
I try to take what I get and be happy. I don’t always succeed, but I surely do try. If I do go on a downward swing…I come back quick, like a pendulum….haha…with a catch hook to keep me here NOW. Speaking of now…I’m still on a high from so many people telling me they liked my shawl. My art. It’s a really good feeling. Must be an ego thing though, but I don’t care. I did that and someone liked it and wanted to buy it. That’s truly amazing!!! Not quite the same as selling fleeces, although there is mucho apprehensiveness about that too. To me, it’s the same as someone buying a painting. That has never happened, but THIS has!!!!!!
I mean think about it. It’s my creation through and through. I sheared the goats, washed the fleece, pulled the fleece, spun it, plyed it, designed and crocheted it. Yup….my art, through and through. I wonder why it I that some people can proudly display their art, proudly put a price tag on it and sell it. My son said to me the last night when he was helping me with my meltdown…..you know mom, you can post your photos on FB, with a price…and then guess what…you can post them again! He was being sarcastic, and I laughed. He’s so right. I’m so hesitant to bother people, that I rarely allow myself to post. Shoot, I feel guilty posting my blog on YeeHaw Ranch as well as my FB so I rarely do. Right now I’m doing 2 link posts…but that’s cuz my new change didn’t work for Colleen, so I put the old way up for her. Even that makes me feel silly. Like I said….I’m shy. Lol, a shy writer…what a kick.
On the other hand, remember I used to be a hermit not all that long ago. Let’s see….2008 being the end of it…when I got my goats. I’ve come a long way baby!!!! I’ll never forget my first guild meeting. Something I would previously Never done….a woman named Claude saying she could teach me to knit in fifteen minutes, and by golly she did just that. Summer and I sat on the floor with her, both holding borrowed knitting needles, and we learned to knit. My very first knit was a really nice purse that Summer adored and bugged me, lol, till I finally gave it to her last year. Nothing fancy, but uniquely me. Oh, and I spun it on a drop spindle!!!!! Yuk! Haha, reminds me of needle felting the human size newborn baby with one needle and then discovering the tool that has 4 needles!!!! Shoot…stretch it even further and you have a FeltLOOM with 128 or so needles. Oi ve, this blog is getting on…..better end it for the night and leave room for some tomorrow! Who knows, I might have baby news from the non pregnant goats with huge udders and swollen vulvas. Night night then sweet people. 12:42am = 9 = endings. Hmmmm. An ending to the waiting maybe???????
This morning, I woke to this strange buzzing sound. I was in the middle of a cool dream when I realized it was my phone, buzzing instead of ringing. It was Mea, calling to say the shawl had arrived that I made from Georgia goat, and that she loved it! Course, I didn’t answer then, the buzzing had stopped and I was able to recapture the dream memory. In the dream, I had let a homeless woman stay the night. When I woke, I found her outside laying in the dirt, pushing a baby out like a goat. In the massive pile of slime that came out of her, I spot this tiny baby. I peel the goo off and it’s about 4 inches. Tee tiny human baby. Next thing I know, I’m on the safe side of a mountain at the top. Then I realize, oh hell, nobody is taking care of that baby, plus I gotta go take photos of it!!! So I swing myself onto the other side of the mountain and while I’m hanging there I realize I can’t go that way, so I was trying to swing back around so I could get to the baby…when the phone buzzed. What a cool dream!!! I do believe it was trying to tell me I get distracted, with so many awesome things. Maybe I need to concentrate more on one or two things. Shoot….that would be very difficult. But ya, Yay……Mea liked her gift…..and she now gets to sorta have Georgia with her.
Jeesh and bother!!!! Heard someone screaming. Gather the stuff up, call Jesse, no answer. Good thing too, cuz what it was, was Georgia got on her back and couldn’t get back up. For Gods sakes, you should see her coat….and I already have or had a buyer for it. Got my heart beating though!!!!! Was so sure it was a baby coming. Ugggh. End of the day. Just fed them all in the lull in the rain. Didn’t say it wasn’t raining, just a lull. Funny….it’s supposed to be warmer after midnight than it was today. How odd. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch…..in the Waiting Room.

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4 thoughts on “Find your HEARTbeat……..

  1. Cute, cute, baby! I love how they have to practically double themselves over to nurse because they get so big so fast! Can hardly wait for mine to start showing up. Better get some tags in those ears before the rest of them get here. Easier when they’re new. Just beautiful!

  2. Love the flying ears!!! My shawl is so beautiful, It is drying downstairs, and I will get a picture of it when it is all dry for you. Beautiful, just beautiful

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