Ye know…..I’ve dealt with my past over and over and it seems as it’s pretty much cleansed out…well, for the moment anyway…with the exception of my mother. I understand the why’s and howfors. I understand the why’s and howfors of my own circumstances as well. How does one resolve fully….the feeling of abandonment and anger….forever. Hmmm, how about thinking on it like I do everything else? If it happened, it was meant to be. The Plan. It’s funny the things you don’t see with those It was Meant to Be Glasses on, when you’re in pain. And it’s funny how the pain just sits there, hovering, waiting for a sappy commercial or a certain topic or a movie…to touch that frequency off and let ‘er rip. And wham, you’re right back there again, feeling like a little girl whose mommy didn’t hug her.
So….it’s part of the plan. Once I wrap my brain around that a few times, I should be good to go. Well, I am good to go, I just mean….better! You see, I’m on a path of enlightenment, and that requires understanding. I’m trying to come to understandings with any grievances I may have with the world or any of it’s inhabitants. Some of you are sad by the stories that are coming up for me lately. Please don’t be sad. I have already done that movie and I escaped with my life. All the past…are movies that I have survived. Ya…..they were pretty rough some of em. But hey….look….here I am! I’m not only here….I AM. And not only am I here and I AM, but I have made myself available to others….animals who need cared for, lonely people who need a friendly smile, other animal share-ers, other traumatized peoples, and just plain old wonderful ordinary everyday good people who fill my life with love to the brim. I should take some pride in that…..some very humble soft pride.
Oooh…I am trying to identify an emotion and where it stemmed from. I was posting who I was inspired by, on the healing circle and a few minutes later, I saw my name in all Caps. Then I read it wrong. I read it with fear instead of love. I thought someone took offense with something I said. They hadn’t but I instantly felt all tight, a primal feeling, stemming from the root chakra. Root chakra. Hmmmmm. Fascinating. You could liken the feeling to humiliation, yes…that’s the closest I can pin my finger on. Lemme think this through. Why would I feel humiliated by someone taking offense to my words. Dang I’m dense. Break it down. Humility. Dictionary…Humble. The quality or state of being humble. Wow. So why does being humble hurt? Very interesting. Ohhhh, it was me humbling myself, for thinking my words couldn’t offend. Hehehehe. When the student is ready, the Teacher will come. I just didn’t expect the teacher to be me…or should I say, within me.
So, there’s a possibility the baby’s eyelids are curling wrong. I’m going to check in the morning. Gosh, that would be nasty, if it were true. We’re gonna clean his eyes up first…what that means is getting apaper towel wet, and applying it to his eye area. Over and over….it doesn’t wipe off. Apparently, that’s where nails come in and you scrape it off. It comes off in swipes, like peeling a sticker off that’s really stuck. It reminds me of when every 16 days, or when I get around to asking for it…. I get my inhaler in the mail. I have to peel the sticker off the box, to place on my inhaler, so I know when I’m good to get a new one. I’ve told them time and time again it does me no good on the box……but they are anal about it. Oh Lordie…..my cup runneth over….he’s jumping! He’s out there jumping all around and even wanting to jump on his standing mommy. Beautiful beyond belief. Little tiny bounces…only lifting a few inches off the ground but lifting nonetheless….he’s jumping. I was starting to be concerned about the eye thing, but he’s playing!!! Heavy relief sigh. Ahhhh…good time to say goodnight good and kind people of the spinning ball. Sleep sweet. It’s just beginning to rain here again. Blue won’t mind….he’ll go pee even if it’s raining….and the pups will come to mama and I will say goodnight….to each of the groups, Walton style, as usual….in the rain. 1:09am = 1 = beginnings. (Nope….Blue refused to go out so it was a quiet night night, I just opened the door and said…night night babies.
Well, a pretty much non productive day. Hate those. Visited with Cathy a bit, and got the baby’s eyes cleaned up. Carried a bag of warm water and paper towels down there this time instead of carrying the baby to the water. In the end, it was just like last time…my fingernails did most of the work. He may, I repeat, may have the curled eyelid. It’s hard to tell when you’ve never seen it before. Just in case though, I rolled it and rolled it. A funny thing is happening right now. Never saw this before.I’m wondering if Tika has enough milk….cuz……Khalifa keeps going up to all the other girls, looking for milk. He goes to mom and she feeds him, then he wants more and she walks away so he goes lookin for other teats. Sounds like not enough milk to me. He’s not starving though cuz he hops and hops and I eat every hop up as if it’s dessert. I can’t help myself…..it’s gonna be a hop photo day. It’s just too cute!
Making a yummy meal that I will love and hubby won’t. Ham and augrautin potatoes. HE”LL LIKE THE HAM, BUT NOT THE TATERS> Go figure. He’ll say I’m feeding him sugar. No…just LOVE. Love augrautin potatoes!!!! Tons of velveeta and white sauce…yum. Dang….need to go stand by the goats….got some lice buggin me. It’s cuz I was holding the baby to clean his eyes. So glad I now know for sure. Eprinex….kills the lice. Not the Permethrin. Sucks though cuz the P is so cheap and the E is not. I don’t care. If it works, it works. I only have to wear them for a few minutes then can give them back to the goats…they have no such salvation. And I have such a bug jug of the P. Useless P. Alright, well, time to go combine all the goodies to create the augratin taters, and feed the goaties and play once more with the two babies. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch. And remember….humble hurts. Lol