I have something on my mind and when I have something on my mind….ease of thoughts and direction and travel of thoughts…are slowed…kind of hovering in the background. Most people would call that a one track mind. Mine is not one track though, it’s quite a few. More than one weighty issue in my thought waves. I find myself rocking sideways these days. This waiting for babies for one is a stressor extraordinaire. Do I know everything I need to know? Can I do everything I need to do? Will I hear them? Will I be here? Will I be able to do it? Whatever It may be? I tried to stop the other day. Tried to tell Jesse I couldn’t pull hard enough, but he said no. He couldn’t do it. Which meant I HAD to. No question. I guess I just answered my own question as far as that one goes….yes I will be able to do whatever I need to do.
I’m watching the movie Game Plan, where the famous football player has an unknown daughter show up on his doorstep. The little girl eats nuts and has an allergic reaction. This brings back memories. When I was a child, if I stepped on a bee, my foot swelled to ungodly proportions. When I was 15, I got stung as I leaned back in my chair at the local restaurant hangout. I knew immediately…..something wasn’t right. I tried to tell the owner. I made no sense. I managed to walk down to the phonebooth…remember those? I called home and got a busy signal…repeatedly. Finally, I called the operator and told her I needed an emergency breakin. It was my eldest sister on the phone and she got the breakin call from the operator but didn’t understand and kept on talking.
As I’m standing there in despair…I see a brown van driving by a few hundred feet from me. I knew noone in a brown van. I nonetheless started hollering and waving my arms and the brown van pulled over to me. It was my friend Scott and he had just primered his blue van. (See, I was supposed to live, to be here now) He drove me home and as I staggered up the long stairway like walkway up to the front door…my mother comes out and sees me staggering and yells at me for being drunk. Lol, yup….wild child…..anyways, I finally get her to understand and she puts me to bed. I get worse and can’t breathe well and she checks and sees, so off we go to the emergency room. All told, around 3 hours. As I am being helped in the door of the ER, with a Very full waiting room…..they rush at me and swoop me up. Later they come at me with a 6 foot hypodermic needle and I wake in the morning to dry toast. Do I carry an Epipen? Nope. Hubby does though, cuz wasps like to sting him.
Jesse and I just argued and it freed my brain. It unstuck it. I guess anger is a different emotion and when you have a bad emotion, then I guess you can get rid of it by finding another. Very interesting observation thus a very worthwhile argument….disagreement…..flatulence. Apparently flatulence is necessary in life cuz here I am, free thinking about things other than my pressing pressors. So if you’re ever really sad, find a way to get angry…to jostle and break the connection.
I’m thinking this is my mission….,my purpose. More than playing with the fiber, which I cannot quit…sorry. No, no need to apologize…I am what I am. I’m a big ole mix of goodness all rolled up into a great big ball. Gotta pull threads to get the right combinations. The right threads have been pulled and I’m comin back up for air. To any who find this trivial….it’s a loss of expectation. Loss of expectation is painful out the wazoo. That’s why we shouldn’t Expect….but that is oh so hard. See, this is why I will keep THIS blog….I get to pour myself out like a fine wine. I get to Be. I get to be Seen. Who doesn’t at some point in their life think or maybe even say out loud, or whisper out loud……see me.
So few of you have actually met me. Tonight, I heard from someone who has. Joyce. Joyce bought some Miyagi and I threw in some Moonee, just cause. Probably cuz it was my first individual person sale. I think of that other lady more as a commercial buyer. You know, the one that didn’t work out. But no, Joyce lives in Bastrop….the town I go to every Saturday….in the morning actually, to get feed and groceries. She makes felted creatures, really cool. Anyway…..she said she was up and down all week too. Maybe it’s in the air? Lol, as in the energy waves? All I know is, it’s perfect as always. Meant to be…every event, every word, every friend. Thank you Joyce…..and all you other commenters….who I don’t give enough appreciation for. It means the world that you talk to me. I’m very grateful.
Yes….the water is still dripping. No, nobody asked….I’m just telling ya. I’m rethinking things. Fixin to redo and do. Changes. Like those night night numbers….1, beginnings, 5 change, 4, angels, 3 holy, 8 infinity. It’s been a pattern. Nightie night night my wonderful and awesome friends. Sleep sweet!!!! 12:58 = 7 hahaha…..God. By the way…now I know why I’m doing the numerology each night. 😀 Oh wait…..my new friend told me I reminded her of the Aunt in the movie Twister….I said, ya, you mean the one who gave them steak and had the cool weather vanes? What a compliment….I love the Aunt!!!! Ya…well, that was last night and tonight…..guess what I’m watching as I once again say goodnight.
So….it continued. Boy have I stumbled onto something here. When you’re stuck in an unwanted emotion…find another emotion to replace it and wala. All done with Saturday chores, town, feed, and feeding. Even all done playing, as it’s about to get dark here on this rainy non rain day. Just spits all day long and an extremely overcast sky. I didn’t take a photo, but as I sat in the steakhouse restaurant and looked at the Huge cow head and horns hanging on the wall, I thought of posting a photo and saying…only in Texas….but I guess there are other states that do that too. My one chance to take the still broken new laptop to repair…and I forgot it. Jeesh. I’m keeping hubby company as I type this since I’m in the Rv so much but dang…such violent Tv. I am so spoiled now that I get to watch whatever I want.
In case you guys haven’t guessed it….I seem to have a few photo fascinations. One being….in movement. I cannot believe it, but I got a photo today of baby Khalifa doing a jump….at 2 days old. These wee ones just astound me. Speaking of wee ones….several people have noticed that Khalifa is a pretty big boy….maybe that’s why I had to go in after him. Well, that, and his one leg was not in position. Well…..that’s about it… as for the paintings on the old windows….I can’t find the nebula one. I may have to move all the fiber bags and uncover it and take a new photo, so I’m waiting to put them up together. Didn’t totally forget!!! Thank you all so much for the support you showed me yesterday as I was wallowing in self pity and disillusionment. I’m feeling much better now and my brain is conjuring. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch!!!