Sometimes I write and write and don’t realize what things you guys will hone in on. Yesterdays long blog seems to have boiled down to my mention of pain. We all have pain….so many kinds, as I wrote about recently. I wrote about a lot more stuff than pain yesterday. I said….I wouldn’t change a thing! If I wouldn’t change a thing….then my past pain is a part of me. My present pain is a part of me and a part of my past…well, at least the pain from 5 seconds ago. It’s not severe right now, if we’re talking about my physical pain and it’s not severe right now if we’re talking about mental pain. Struggling with ones worth and place in life is not something to be feared or shunned or swept under the rug. It is a necessary part of who I am and who I will be.
So is dealing with pain. I don’t tell you I’m in pain to get sympathy. I tell you for several reasons. Right now I’m referring to my muscle disease pain in my arms and legs. 1. In case someone out there recognizes the symptoms. 2. So you can see a strong woman. And 3. So you can say….wow, she does all that with that much pain….then I can do it too. And there you have it. No matter what……I am full of joy. Even when a baby goat dies or something like that……that grief is just one piece of me. I have other pieces left. I am many layers. As are you. Pretty sure it was Maya Angelou who said…when I knew better I did better…that holds for learning spiritual truths as well. Learning about yourself….about your thoughts….your words…..your deeds, your body, mind and soul. That my friends, is the journey. Is the quest. And when you know better….you do better.
You get there by interactions and going within. You can’t get there by just doing one. In the end, you still need interactions to learn. We can’t do this alone. We need each other….if for no other reason…than for reflection. Seeing you in me and me in you. Recognizing, reflecting and understanding. The journey. The spiritual journey. Have to tell ya…..it’s more fun than a tribble!….or a rollercoaster….or Disneyland. Can’t tell ya how tickled I am to be this person right now. Consider who I was before……shit…..that makes me nearly a Queen…or a Princess or a Movie star. To go from the bottom rung to this rung of joy???? Shoot ya I’m happy to be the Me sitting here typing with my little goaties all so silent behind me. So very quiet my girls. Instead of Silence of the Lambs, we got Silence of the Curly Lock Goats. But ya…..I’m good. Even when I’m not…I AM. Love you guys!!!
As Jesse and I were removing all the curls from around the udders and up the insides of the back legs of the pregnant girls…I put my hands on the softest fiber I’ve felt in quite some time. Jesse agreed. He’s a pretty smart kid. What I find remarkable, is the difference between her fleece and her twin sisters. I’m talking about Lily. As my hands were shearing…as my hands were touching, holding, experiencing this fleece….it wouldn’t have mattered if she was white, colored, bad conformation, bad horns, 5 teats and horrible feet. At that moment….the softness was all that mattered. Everything else washed away. I’ve loved Lily’s fleeces from the getgo….but this one….oh my. Love, pure love. You just wanna put it up to your face and brush it against your cheek…..that kind of soft. Thank you God for Lilysoft!!!!
For the longest time…..well, since he first started living with us, Jesse has been asking me to stop trying to get him to try new things at the restaurants on Saturdays. Sometimes I’m a very slow learner. Today…I finally got it. Finally understood. I was being a Mom. He is a young adult. He wants to make his own food decisions. I’m so glad I got that clarity today so we won’t have to struggle with it any more. I’m giggling to myself saying Duh!!!! Oh God…this writing Feeds my SOUL. I ache with the passion of it. The intensity…drive….need….nothingness and everythingness of it all. Now see there??? Ache is usually a pain word….but in this instance, I refer to a squenching of the body….a tenseness…I think it’s generally called Excitement, but there are really many words at least as accurate.
Hehe…I just posted on FB that…..I’ve just realized I’m a really good writer. You should check out my BLOG……there’s enough of em there to have something for everyone. LofrigginLLLL. I crack myself up sometimes. Oh jeesh…then I went and said….Just google…..Mama Sheri to get my blog…lol, something like that…then I asked if anyone wanted to skype. Then, noises started happening on the Rv and then it began to shake…the Blue dog is barking and the Kid won’t reveal himself as I get angrier and angrier at him and the dog. He must be on the roof.
Oh wow…I’m actually sitting here pondering if I could live without meat. Ye know….if I had to I could. This is stemming from a post on FB about seed bombs. It was a marijuana post but I shared it saying it could work with any seed. A friend said…wildflowers and I said yes and food, veggies…I’m just now remembering wildflowers can be food too. I used to be so into herbs it was nuts. I keep trying to get back to it but alas…I don’t water my garden enough. Busy, lazy…whatever. Not enough passion. And now I hear nothing. I probably got so dang mad at such a simple thing that he went back to the house. Jeesh. I’m not always the greatest mom. I struggle with fears. But I shouldn’t. I know I’m safe here….my pups are surrounding the Rv.
Hmmm, I now run the danger of getting complacent. With nothing happening for so long. I don’t turn my head quite as often now. I don’t sit staring out the window so often now. Why? Well, usually cuz I’m writing….like now….but I don’t feel an urgency to keep spazzing my head looking looking to see what each girl is doing. OH ya…why was I spazzing my head? Cuz I’m facing away from them on the bed…watching tv.
I’ve slacked off. Hmmm, Jesse says it wasn’t him. Then it had to have been a pup. Jeesh. These silly pups. Yup…these are long blogs. I’m done apologizing for that. I’m a writer, I write. Night night sweet folk. Tomorrow then. 1:37am =11 = master number.
Woke to the sound of a thousand cows bellowing, nah, it was more like 10 but it sure sounds like that. Hubby was out with the tractor again in the big yonder. He returned with a set of horns. As he hands them to me, he says they’re Damey, not Aramis, that I’d been mistaken. I said….nope. No way Damey’s horns could be that long in so short a time. Either way…..I now have some horns. I’m drying them out in the chicken coop. Only place I could think of outside that pups couldn’t get to. That or climbing a tree and stringing them up. This should work. Wow….who woulda thunk it would take half the day to empty the pee from an Rv? Well, it wouldn’t but hubby is very thorough. Two very good things came out of it. 1. Pee is gone. 2. I now have fresh water for flushing and for Blue dog….he filled my holding tank. Yay!!! Guess he’s getting resigned to me being here.
I did get some spinning in this morning and I’ve got dinner started, one of those slow three hour cooks. What? Oh. London broil, simmered in water for 3 hours then pour most of the water off and add 2-3 cans cream of mushroom. Simmer some more. Add whipped potatoes to your plate and you’ve got some yummies. I think all three of us like this meal. Very rare for that. Been eating it since I was a child, but it doesn’t have a name. Yoki’s been cryin all day, wanting out. I may walk the L and see the sticker burr status. If there are none, I’ll probably rotate letting them out. Too much headache to get them back in the right pens….less fighting. My son wants to watch the superbowl here, in the Rv. I may let him. Either way…I’m signing off for now at YeeHaw Ranch……yeehaw, fixin to watch the superbowl. Woohoo.