If I could change………

Well, as you can gather from my blog today, you don’t have to worry about me getting the Big Head, should I ever get more readers. One of my friends told me that just the fact that I’m recognizing the instances of low self esteem….means….that I’m HEALING! The healthy part of me knew that….but the unhealthy part really needed to hear that! People…..sometimes we are led to say something to a stranger….or do something for a stranger….and when we feel this leading…..we should follow. My friend followed her intuition that she should say something to me and I am so grateful. Not everybody follows. Don’t you get it…it’s that tee tiny voice I’ve been talking about. You think it’s you talking in your mind…..but it is just the slightest bit different. Like I said…it’s more of a soft voice, a whisper…while your normal head voice is louder.

Do you ever think about how perfect your life is? If you hadn’t done that, it wouldn’t have led to THAT and if it hadn’t led to THAT, then it wouldn’t have led to this. Yes? Every twist and turn….every pain and torture, were necessary for this moment to be happening, for me to be sitting in this Rv next to my bun in the oven loves……typin these words. Every single bit. Isn’t that amazing? Every bad choice that I cursed myself for…..everything done to me without my permission, every accident or coincidence……leads me to here. Even further……ever word I write here…..and every word I leave out. Every text I answer or don’t answer….every word I say within those texts, every word or click of encouragement on FB, and every thought I think. Just fascinating!!! I love fascinating….it’s stimulating. She smiles.
Just think…that even means that my mom and I’s relationship being stagnant at best….is exactly what is needed for this moment. Otherwise….I would have visited there more often and surely something would be different. Kinda like the go into the past thru time travel and be careful not to change anything. Impossible. Just you being there, has changed everything. Yup….this is where I AM. And I love it. I really love it. I may complain cuz my back hurts so much or how I’m just so darn tired all the time….but no….I wouldn’t change a single thing.

How interesting! The healing circle on FB just asked the question…if you were going to change one thing in your life what would you change? I said…I’d stop smoking. Then a lady comes on and says she wouldn’t change a thing….and repeated some of what I’ve just said…to which I responded that I wouldn’t change my past….but my future nows were wide open. Ya…..I’m free to change things Now! If I’m willing and if it’s right. If it happens….it was right. That’s my Philosophy.

I think I felt a hoof today!!!! Jesse had Shortcake up against him laying on her back so I could shear around the teats and down the legs. He says….this ones for sure pregnant. I said I know. He says….I can feel it. I’m like…what? I told him I’ve never felt one but I’ve seen one move. So he says put your hand right here….and I’d lay odds…it was a teeny tiny hoof. Yippee!!!!!!! I was all giggly, like a little girl….which I AM. I AM the little girl, I AM the crone, and I AM Sheri…..better known as Mama! And Mama got to touch an unborn baby today! I’m so excited!!! So…..I didn’t see any signs that the Washington 3 were pregnant…..but if they are….they will deliver this week. Then we wait for Valentines Day, for Tika. Then a week later for most of the rest. This is IF my theory is correct. I’m thinkin it is. Oh ya!!! Jesse got to feel the baby today too! He was such a great helper. No Cathy…just us two. I told ya, he got gorged twice by horns….and kept going. We crutched 9 girls. My job was to pull the back feet out from under them after he’d lifted them into standing position basically is the best way to describe it. He did great.

I’m on a giddy movie high. First was Kung Fu Panda and just now Shrek, the one where he has to re-woo his wife. These kinds of movies melt my heart into a puddle. Melting the heart into a puddle is a healthy thing. It expands the love. Reminds me of a movie scene….where the shaman or whatever…knocks over the cup of tea. Then he gets a rag and wipes it up and says…the tea is still there, it has just transformed, moved. And then he wrings the towel out to reveal the tea. It’s not difficult to melt my heart these days…it seems to have grown exponentially. I wonder if I’ll be able to fit through heavens gate? Some day!!!!! And Mea just posted another video of her babies in the hot box…..this time they were just sleepin. My heart just grew another inch.

Oh Lord….I just ACTUALLY laughed out loud while I was typing lol!!!!! Jesse and I are messaging on FB. We’re doin the… my emoticon is better than your emoticon thing. Uh….we’re done…..and it’s Godzilla once again. Yikes. Cant play movies out here, so I’m stuck with what’s available. Am I spoiled or what? Night night sweet ones. Sleep sweet and grow…make your hearts into puddles and grow!!! 1:52am = 8 = infinity = God. ……..ohhhhh….the fly is back…and on my laptop. Just noticed him. Change me and change the world. That’s what he just said. Oh…and balancing on the circle and going different directions….going elsewhere….and sitting still in camouflage. Hmmm. 2:06am + 8 = infinity = God. Nightie night. Wait….want to let you know that I keep on wanting to talk…I close the Word thingie, well, I minimize it…not close it…just in case there’s something I just have to say. My brain just keeps on going like the everready bunny, bloggin without typing. Blogging in my mind. 😀

Well, it’s noon and I’m just sitting here waiting on hubby…wasting my time. We usually leave at this time to go do Saturday errands. Just remembered. The other night, I was peeing one last time outside before going to sleep and the pups came. One of em jostled my glasses right off my face and I flew into panic. Four large dogs all excited in the area where my glasses are now laying on the ground. Ran inside for the flashlight and it took me a good 5 minutes to find them…all safe. Struck fear in me. I hate not being able to see. I used to see just fine. Needed a little help with reading glasses but no biggie. Then hubby made me go to his fancy eye doctor. Ii came out with tri-focals and my eyes get worse and worse from wearing them. Now I have no choice. Don’t get glasses unless you have to!!!

Twenty to six. Just got done with the day. Got groceries, feed, food, food in the belly and my ever lovin smoothie. Got the bags distributed around and everyone fed. As I was approaching the house to finish up the blog….the Beautifuls were crying loudly. Why? Oops, did I forget to feed you guys? Yup. Yup I did. They’re happy now. Star was out in the L when we came in with the buggy and when you go in with the buggy, you either ut the pups up first….or you let em in with ya. I told Jesse….watch Star, she’s fixin to see them and freak. Yup….man these wee ones are fast! I’m thinking it’s what God gave em to protect themselves while they’re so tiny. Soon as she was safely in her pen….she felt safe and walked back out. Then had to share space with Bubba who was eating her yesterday leftovers. Well folks….I’m gonna say goodnight. Thanks for comin to visit. I’ll leave a cookie on the counter for ya. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.

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10 thoughts on “If I could change………

  1. Hey there, It was late when I got in so I just finished reading. Oh how beautiful Miss Georgia is. After all she is the pageant winner so I will address her as Miss Georgia now. Well little Pearl is even looking at her with admiration, Pearl must have been 1st runner up. I wonder when they had their competition? Star is beautiful and OMG how happy I am you got to feel the baby, that means babies are close. I love holding them with my arms around their big bellies, hands clasp right in front of the udder, then you can feel then really well. OK tons to do, baby goats everywhere, running around torturing all the other goats including their Mama’s. I will try so hard to get a video of that, you will LOVE it. Hugs

    • Ahh you make me smile with that vision in my head of all your babies playing!!!! Ya, I couldn’t choose between the two photos of Georgia n Pearl so I put em both! I’ll try that method and maybe I’ll get to feel more!!!! Huggs!

      Sheri Lee YeeHaw Ranch

  2. I bet you must feel really rich, surrounded by all those beautiful creatures, the four-leggers AND the two-leggers. Thanks for your writing, I hope I get to meet a goat someday.

    • I AM rich. Not in money but in spirit and joy and blessings! And the trees too and ladybugs and dragonfly, etc. I hope you get to meet a really cool friendly goat soon! 😀 thanks for stoppin by!!!!

      Sheri Lee YeeHaw Ranch

    • It IS freeing! I’ve felt this way since the beginning of my journey. I was too sad. But without knowing what Too Sad is….I wouldn’t know this joy! Every second necessary. 💜

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