Feeling deflated. Like a balloon who has lost nearly all it’s air. Now my fear has taken hold and I’m bundling up and traipsing back there every twenty minutes. Now that it’s after twelve, I’m stretching it to every hour. Jesse helped me rig the lights so I can watch them. Tika is laying down a lot and Yazhi has her tail down. Yazhi didn’t have a bag when I last checked on crutch shear day, so I figured she was pregnant with a later buck….but if her tail is down….then she will most likely give birth now as well. This night has been a mix. The agony and the sorrow was actually outshone for a short time tonight while I was on the phone with a new friend. Yes, that phone call I was waiting for. Somethins cookin….that’s all I’m sayin. I’m watching Heidi. A goat just gave birth. I better go check early. I did and I did and I did. Many checks. Bout to fall asleep…..it’s 3:30am now and I shall check one more time then I gotta get some sleep. I won’t be any good if I don’t sleep. My world has changed tonight. This is most awesome. This is beyond the death of one baby. Ohhh God…Baby Hap….Night night folks….crying again. I try not to be a sad Nellie. Night. 4:30am or around there.
Bed at 4:30 and woke up at 9:30. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s impossible to be there the second of every birth. I had been down there for around 45 minutes yesterday and there were no signs whatsoever that Happy was about to give birth. Came back a couple hours later and find that dead baby. What an awful flashback in my mind walking around the house with 2 scops of feed in my hands and see that beautiful still white baby. I knew instantly it was dead but that didn’t stop me. It’s something I had to do for myself…I tried to resuscitate her. After waiting so long for the births to have this happen is just mind boggling to me. Here comes Cathy…we’re gonna catch and grab and check udders. See if they are hot and shiny!!! No one is hot and shiny. Only one….Tika….has a good bag and it’s nice and warm, and it’s a hairy bag so don’t think it will shine! Oh boy…this is gonna be a long kidding season.
24 hours. Sometimes we forget how quickly change can come. 24 hours ago, I was finding a dead baby that I had anxiously waited for for 5 long months. I was sitting in the pen, holding said dead baby, wailing for a good hour before I called Cathy. I cried for 3-4 more hours. Then…..just as the crying was winding down….I get my phone call. I meet a new friend. We discover many things in common. And then…..she blows my mind with her generosity and genuine care for fellow human beings. Like I said….I’m keeping secret for now….what she proposed….the point of this discussion is the change factor. When I hung up the phone…..my son was standing in the doorway and hubby was in his chair…..I turned to look at them and yelled…..HOLY SHIT!!!!! Then I yelled it again. I had just gone from grieving to….holy shit…..in the space of a half hour. Granted, I did indeed cry more later, but you get the point. I stayed up even later than normal, good grief, and today I haven’t been sad at all. Today I was busy ensuring for future births. Cathy came up with a great idea. Hope hubby agrees. Move the RV back there!!! I can sit there in relative warmth, watch tv, knit or crochet…even spin if I want….and watch the girls! It’ll be like going on a vacation. Said I needed one, didn’t I? I can even sleep there and hear the cries really well. I was afraid to go to sleep last night…that’s why I was up till 4:30. Sounds like a plan to me. Haha….and God laughs! Please Father….just a giggle, thank you.
Let the Littles out today and because of the fact that there’s not much green….they finally found the garden. It was bound to happen sooner or later…as the doors broke….or the gate was taken or the fence was bashed and there are now at least 3 entrances that they can just walk right through. They know their normal route and before the garden got all those holes…..they just browsed around it. After the holes…..they just browsed around it. Lol, till today. Looks like we may have to patch those doors and holes before spring! Just did the rounds and fed the starving things. Let Star play on the Rock for awhile….she is getting me through this. Every time I see Happy, I remember. I remember that I’m no longer waiting for her to have a baby. This blog is a bit short today cuz I didn’t write much last night. Grief will do that. Signing off on a less sad note……from YeeHaw Ranch, curly locks. P.S. As promised, here is the link to see baby Hap, should you wish to see a dead baby goat. http://yeehawranchphotos.wordpress.com/