As you all know….I wanted to die for 38 years. I was a pretty miserable person and didn’t make friends easily. My entire adult life, until age 38.…I only had 3 friends…not all at once mind you. I had Pam first. Pam and I were friends for a couple years, then she….well, in the end, we were not friends…she hated me….and she ended up in a rubber room. I let this girl wear my wedding dress and she failed me miserably and ultimately…I failed her too. Next came Sheila, a girl in my apartment complex. This friendship was very short, only months due to discovering she was sleeping with my husband. The third…was Susan. Susan and I met in community college in computer class when I asked her if she smoked. Lol. We would do anything for each other and in fact DID do anything for each other. The ending was confused and odd and we have since reconnected but nowhere near as strongly as we once were. That’s it. I knew those people and my family and few others.
Once my spiritual journey began, I began making friends again but none were close until Cathy….and lemme tell ya, we had weird beginnings. One day, quite a few years after we moved in here…..I had to tell her to stop coming to my house. She had come for 2-3 hours every weekday for years until one day I just blew, like a tire. Not a volcano, cuz it didn’t ooze lava forever….just a boom and over. You see…..she was not my friend. She was a stranger who started showing up at my door….walking right in….and staying for hours. It was a year or more…I really don’t remember, before we started to talk again. Since then, it has evolved into a deep friendship and I’m so grateful for her. Funny how it all went…
And that brings us to now and the reason for this post. Remember my blog the other day….A deeper love? Well, I am astounded by it. The words of solidarity or encouragement that I receive from you all as well as some other FB friends who don’t read my blog….are beyond what I received in 38 years….and it’s only been 2 years tops with y’all. My point is….somehow or other, I have now been blessed with 3 best friends….at the SAME time!!! Top that off with a good number of …really good friends and an even bigger number of….friends. Last night, one of my new best friends, Mea….wrote me a comment that just touched my heart. She stood up for me and for my sanity and for my beliefs and then….she typed a bunch of info….for me!!!!!! I’m amazed!!! I feel more love now than I did for my entire first 38 years put together. More love and deeper love. People see me now. I’m not invisible anymore and my pain or needs or wants are not invisible anymore. All I can say is…..if you’re in the shoes I was in…..just hold on cuz these new boots are kick ass!!!
I’ve yearned for people to care for me. Ached actually. I do believe it has arrived. I have learned and learned and all the while, wished I could share what I’ve learned. Now I can and do and it and you are most special and most awesome. It’s truly like heaven on earth…except there’s cold weather and deaths and hot weather and fires and floods and and and. And… I just called one of those new best friends for the first time….made an international call and it actually worked this time and I got to hear her voice. Ahhhh….sweet sounds. Love you dearie. You rock and I admire you beyond measure. You too Mea….and actually…all of my new friends…..you all ROCK!!!! Each of you, has been kind to me and has taught me something, from the ones who I rarely talk to to the ones who communicate with me fairly regularly. You have all rocked my world and I adore you. Night night people……love you all…..2:20 + 4 = angels.
Hmmm, upon waking and reading…I feel I should tell you that there was not much expression of love in my childhood home. No I love you’s, no hugs, no curiosity about my dreams or desires or talents. Does that put all that whining in a new light? All that talk of yearning for people to care for me. And all that talk only came out because of my gratitude. I am loved. For the first time in my life…..I feel good and truly loved. It’s a beautiful feeling and I’m drinking it in like the manna it is. So….we now come to the entire point of this whole blog…..Thank YOU. All of you. Bless your hearts and souls and bodies and minds and animals and family and passions. Amen.
It’s 45 degrees but the sun is shining, so I bundled up and went to play. Took peanuts and romaine lettuce as the toys for the day. What fun!!! The ones who have been brave enough to try the lettuce….love it and clamor for it. The ones too scared to try…..are still entering the fray….for another sniff, another whiff of the mystery green stuff. But forget that when I toss the peanuts! Everyone loves peanuts. Even little Star nibbled the lettuce sitting on the chair and tried to eat a peanut, which I made her spit out. I then shelled one and gave her the shell. Love. She loved it. Tika loved the lettuce so much she cried for more. Love treat days.
Yesterday I was so cold, I couldn’t take my project to the next phase because it required me removing my outerwear. Lol, too cold for that….so I have begun the fiber play. I’ve started on the first hat. I’ve now realized this could be a long and drawn out process due to the need for so many different colors to be prespun. I only had a few half spools available and cannot even go any further without more washing and spinning. Yikes. The hat projects require a main color and assorted others for completion. This could take awhile…just to get started. Oooh, but the creative juices are still flowin and I’m itchin to get started fully.
Oh golly bum. Went to feed and the boys were up. Was lookin their way and saw what appeared to be a coyote. Saw it a few times as I was approaching the fence, and then saw a yellow cat. I don’t see how a small yellow cat could look like a coyote, but I let baby Girl out and she came back pretty quick. Then I heard the howl. So I let Little Boy out too. Not too long after, they were waiting to be let into the yard. Guess it coulda been the cat but I don’t know. I saw a low dog. If this is true….boy is that bad news. AND would probably explain the 2 dead bucks. If this IS true…there’s only one thing I could do and boy would that suck. I would have to move the pregnant girls back to the front pen…..in order to move the boys into the L. Definitely not something I want. Jeesh, the adventure takes a turn. We shall see. Okie dokie one and all of my new friends…..signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.