There are so many aspects to my Spiritual journey…….so many choices to make so many things to learn. I’m discovering that what I thought I believed fully….apparently I had a leak in my balloon. I let other peoples thoughts, doubts and outright disdain……cloud what I truly believed. It’s starting to take it’s toll on me now as I go to do something….only to realize I don’t have enough faith. I, the mustard seed lady, apparently don’t have a mustard seed ….. No, it’s becoming apparent that I have a carrot seed. How disappointing is that? I need a spiritual vacation. Some time alone, in the woods. Guess it’ll have to be my woods cuz I can’t get away. There’s a few things I need to sort out and even a few things I want to try….but only in seclusion and sacredness. Lol, not my living room.
This faith thing is affecting me more than I want to tell you. Loss of faith, belief, is not something I can be proud of. It feels like a step back. Can I truly believe that I’m receiving downloads? That there is an invisible grid? That we all have a merkaba? That the archangels are channeling their thoughts to humans? That the spaceships are here, flying in and out, come to help us ascend as a planet for the first time in galactic history….to ascend while still alive? And spirit guides. Why do I have no spirit guides? Cardinal and hawk, yes, but they don’t really tell me things. The things I’ve just mentioned may sound wacky to you or they may sound familiar.
The thing is….there are countess other wacky things that I DO have good faith in so what makes the difference? I believe all that stuff from my solstice thingie, I believe that I connect to some departed and even not yet departed souls, and I believe that I healed 2 children when I was a child. One to walk and one to talk. The talking child was emotional wounds though…he just wouldn’t speak, it wasn’t that he couldn’t. I believe I’ve healed others through distance and I believe that God talks to me all day, in a silent conversation. I believe that God just stopped me from telling what I thought was the truth but upon reflection wasn’t…..by randomly turning on the caps. When I saw it in bold print….I realized, nope, not something I have firm belief in. I believe in my protection prayers and in my flu filters. See….aren’t these things wacky? And fairies????? Why can’t I believe in fairies….I’ve said this before…..I want to!!!!!! What dictates the things we get solid faith for?
Well, I now have one less fear. I was just talking to myself, as I draped one of my shawls over my shoulders, and for some reason I was defending the shawl and I said, well, it’s my thing….my one thing. I already knew that and was planning on asking the lady who wanted me to make these hats. Before she got specific, that is. That’s when I had the idea (what I thought was the one thing idea) and went and blabbed it on here and then got scared I couldn’t do it. How silly is that? Well, my Thing……is something I can do. I DO do. The idea is still good and I intend to see what happens there but in the meantime I guess I’ll show the lady my scarves and shawls as they are now. Ye never know. Oooh…my brain is going. I love it when that happens. Creative juices are waking.
I evolve, people. Sometimes I go back a few steps and sometimes I go forward too fast, with too much enthusiasm and I make mistakes. Every day I learn something new about myself. Cathy said just today…. That she needed a certain period in her life…she called it the quiet time….and although she hated it at the time, she said it was necessary for her to learn about herself. She’d spent her whole life learning about others and she’d needed to also learn about herself. I’ve had that quiet time. It seems as if we never quit learning about ourselves cuz I’m still in….well, maybe high school and checking into colleges. Ok ok…not giving myself enough credit. In college….entering Bachelors….newly named…..Crones Degree. So far, the course has been a bit rocky, mentally, ….otherwise….so far so good.
I wanted to further explain the fall birth idea. See here’s the deal. I have my babies in March and was told at the goat show/sale that my goats were small because I had them when it was warmer. That they went through their growing spurt part during the heat of summer….therefore not eating enough. I have a few problems with that….one being….I have never had a goat not want to eat everything available. Also, the babies are born in the coldest part of the year when they are the most susceptible….. So….putting together my thoughts and their thoughts….I decided to have them birth in October when its not freezing yet and the births can happen easily and comfortably for all…then, when they get to that growth spurt part….it will be plenty cold. The argument against it is….you can’t force the boys to go in rut. I may be wrong, but I strongly disagree. I think a buck will take advantage any day of the year….just like a man. So….that’s my theory and I’m sticking to it. I won’t have very many I want to breed at that time, but some is enough to try out a theory, eh? Ok….glad I got that out, it’s been needing to come out for awhile. And on that note……sweet sleep people!!! Blessed days and sweet sleep. 1:37am =11= master number.
Something wonderful happens at kidding time, besides the babies. I think it’s about being in the pen, in close quarters, but the girls that previously had nothing to do with you, now come closer. They see you interacting with and touching the other does daily without harm to them and eventually they just can’t help themselves. They come closer. Today I touched Maya’s nose as well as her mother Mimi’s. It doesn’t happen often, but it seems like they are just about to pass the hump. Oh I hope so. Even Joy, Donna’s girl, is paying more attention to me…not coming close, but really paying attention. It’s a start and it should improve because there is this sometimes thing where goats get all nicey nice when they’re abut to give birth. It’s another sign to watch for. Just checked….nuttin honey. Had to get all bundled up to check, cuz it’s cold and I forgot it rained last night. Didn’t wear my rubber boots and my moccasins have huge holes….let’s just say I got cold toes. Not complaining…got other folks doing this in much colder weather! That means you Grace…..eyelids frozen together, night trips to heat the water, man….I got it easy compared to you. But I can absolutely guarantee all of you, I won’t ever be doing this again. Never again will I do what THEY do, against my own knowhow. I am sitting here in my house with the heat on…shivering so bad that I can’t do anything. I just sit here. This makes me feel so bad for the goats who are outside where it is MUCH colder. To be this cold and then have to deal with labor pains and delivery on top of that cold? Nope. Not gonna do it no more.
Ok….I have just removed my mummy clothes and have finally found my warm slippers and am in for the night. Both Tika and Happy were happily eating when I left them, so I shouldn‘t have to worry about them giving birth tonight. Star was really into her grain tonight, probably cuz it’s so cold. Oh….she played….just longer eat stops and the cutest little squeak she makes when she eats her grain. The more clothes I have on, the harder it seems to be for her to jump on me. Either that or it’s the material on my hunter clothes. Either way…..lol, she slides off a lot! They are going through more hay this week too. And the pups!!!!…..boy are they frisky! And we wind down to a close. Once again, I’m thinking I’ve said too much about my beliefs…but I’d have to redo half the darn blog to pull it out. So, in it stays and you get to know just how wacky I and many many of the world are…..cuz honey….I ain’t the only one learning about these things. Ok….signing off from the kitten infested house, known as YeeHaw Ranch. (They knocked over a fry machine and oil went everywhere)