When I was younger, I often felt invisible. It was like this intense
need for someone…anyone…to SEE me. When I was given my rebirth….that
need fell away. Not entirely, you gotta realize 38 years is a long
time to believe one way. It takes awhile to eradicate all and I do
mean all of the fat. The fat of the lies that I told myself or others
told my self. For the most part though, I am content in my little nook
of the world. Now, I only require that I see me….love me. That removes
disappointment. Is that a sane way to live? Apparently, cuz it’s
really going great in my brain these days. Haha…daze. I’m reminded of
that tiny old lady in the ambulance the other day. I love you
Beautiful One. Go where the light is brightest…either here or there. I
think your name is Mazy. Love you Mazy. …These days….Now….I seek
invisibility. I seek to blend…with the trees and earth, with the
animals…………I want to blend. And I have. I have had moments of pure…..I
am you…you are me. That is so much more beautiful to experience than
being separate, lonely, alone. Haha….funny thing for a blogger to say.
Interesting thing about bloggers….you know what they are? Unpaid
I wonder how the human species evolved from living on and with the
dirt…..you know…..cavemen…..to having jobs they hated, being around
people they had no connection with and having a God who is there for
them and their kind only. It took a long friggin time people. It’s
money. Money is the problem. Without money, people would know that
whatever it is that gives them joy to do….is their job. Whatever it is
that puts that sparkle in their eye…..that skip in the step. And
without money…..there is no need for corruption.
Wow, just reconnected with a friend who I thought the friendship was
over with. Thing is…I initiated it. Feels good. I said, either we
delete each other or we go past this. We went past this. Praise be and
a yeeHaw or two. And on that note……drumroll……………………….the boy…………..is
in the jail. Don’t know how it will go for him….know I intend for it
to be peaceful, smooth, and gentle. So many things or words I could
use there…but I think each word out real careful like before I use it
in a prayer. Consider…….adding the word ‘learning tool’….which I will
not……..that…can lead to negatives as well as positives. I only want
positive words for Jesse. Love….shoot, even the word healing can have
hard aspects and I don’t want that for him…..soothing calm words.
That’s my mantra for him then….peaceful, smooth and gentle. For you
baby….peaceful, smooth, gentle…..PSG baby, PSG.
As we were driving to Longview, he tells me he needs white boxer
shorts or else he’s gotta go without. No!!! I reminded him again and
again and it was literally one of the last things I said to
him…..don’t forget the boxer shorts. Well…good news. His friend…the
one who was selling the cigarettes, lol…….gave him all of his
jailwear. Yay for the people!!! When one does good…it trickles down
and around and up.
Tomorrow is the first Tuesday of the month. Supposed to be Hoegger
Goat Supply blog day. I’m excited and a bit nervous. Not feeling
great, been having upper organ pains the past two days, dunno which
ones… but it’s cheering me up just thinking about it. I sure hope the
people like it. You’re people…I’m people…hehe, we’re all people.
Hehe…TV just said Suzuki juice……I took the Kawasaki or something like
that piano lessons for a “whole year”. You sit in the studio, with
headset on and copy the sound you hear…all electronic…and that was
in the 70’s! Might be Yamaha…lol… either way…really only learned
three songs….my favorite was called…Little Warriors. Funny how things
are drifting up from my past lately. Tiny tidbits. I like tiny
tidbits. Night night sweet precious folk of mine…….2:26am(10)….been
adding that numerology breakdown for at least a week…but remove it
come morning thinking it’s stupid….must be a reason I’m typing it so
here goes and here’s to me leaving it in place come new
There, I left it. Wow, what a day already. The blog did indeed come
out, a bit of excitement there!!!
Plus, I made a new friend. A Native
American friend. I’ve been praying for a connection like this for
years now…..if you’re reading these words, White Buffalo Hawk….. thank
you Sister for answering my call. We’ve had a wonderful running
conversation all day, introducing ourselves. I feel a kindred spirit.
I offered the goats and she’s going to look into it. The goats that no
longer fit my new breeding program…..can provide clothing, blankets,
hats, scarves…to the People. They can provide warmth in areas of the
planet that get bitter cold. They can also provide a living for some
of them. I don’t want to send them blankets….remember the first
blankets the whites sent them? Contaminated with death? No indeedy.
I’d rather send something that can be healing….something to love and
something to create with and something to get warm with. Win win win.
If it works out……I would be taking care of the health papers, and
hopefully they would take care of the transport. If not….I can see
their placement myself….I do have a trailer.
We had a bit of rain this morning…….I noticed that only 3 girls were
in the house in the back Girls pen. Remember, in the back…it’s the
girls and ladies………………the rest of the girls were all on the outside.
So odd about the differences. Boys will share the space…..even
strangers….Girls? Nope…clichés. Thank goodness the fiber keeps the
rain away from their skin. Been doing the check out the window thing
to watch Etta. Still not feeling good. Here’s the update. Steroids
causing hyper feel…..new inhaler adding to that……..no upper organ pain
today……unstoppable cough..…unrelenting wheeze, and fever down. Gonna
have to buck up soon and go feed.
Ok, I gotter done. Actually spent a good bit of time visiting and
explaining things to them. Telling the new ones about the babies
moving around in them and they’d be ok…..and explaining the age
differences. Like telling the 2 yr olds and the one 3 yr
old….hey…these babies are only 10 months old and some of them have
babies in their bellies too! It doesn’t help much, but I try. Need to
have a one on one with Yoki and tell her that she was just too little
when she was pregnant and baby Cherub just couldn’t make it but it
will go better this time, now that she’s older. Mimi came up to
me….and even came right up behind me….lol, till I saw her, lickity
split…gone. Lotsa lovin on Georgia and Pearl a bit less. Georgia
literally doesn’t leave my side unless she feels she’s about to be
rammed then she takes off. The girls in the front…..well, Valey nearly
came up to me….first time….ever……….I offered her my hand to smell and
she saw the splint….so I explained what the pups were doing to poor
Ella. Thought I might win a sympathy pet……alas….no such luck. 😀
Love you guys so much! All of you…even the silent ones!!! You all
bless me. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch. Ps…..hope you don’t mind….got so many good shots of Milky today that I thought I’d make it a milky day for the most part. Pss. The one licking my hand, hehe with the colorful hair ties….is Etta. The one behind my head is Georgia. The hat is hubbys Christmas present in progress….with a round loom, using Doc curls. 😀