I haven’t grieved Lovey yet. I wonder why. I wonder why I don’t cry.
Yes, I had tears before and during the actual passing, but I haven’t
cried. There’s a difference. Normally, I dig the graves and I wail, or
my friend or son digs the grave and I wail. No wailing, nothing.
Seriously nothing. Like a zoned out kinda feeling. I’m here, but I’m
not. I keep focusing on one scene. I’m sitting here in my chair and
the vet has arrived and he tells me what’s gonna happen, exactly. He
says I can do it from there in your arms if you want and he will be
asleep, then it’s enough to knock out his organs, then enough to knock
out his brain, and within 15 at the most seconds, he will be gone.
When I finally said ok, I was ready, he stepped around the playpen and
came to us. I pulled out the catheter from under him, and handed it to
the Dr. I whispered my goodbyes and in it went. The Doc
talked…counting the seconds…..then he said….he’s gone. I reached
around and looked to see his eyes. I said, ahh….his eyes are open and
the Doc said…..”Everything dies with it’s eyes open. If it’s eyes are
closed…it isn’t dead”. What a statement. It keeps echoing through me,
I’m not even sure what it means…or why I’m obsessed with it. I just
am. So…now that I know that I am….ah screw that…just grieve Sheri. My
daughter was right. I’m so into making things positive, that I’m
disrupting the moment.
My son just asked me if I was alright…I think he was joking…but I
said…no. He said…you’re not alright? What’s wrong? I said…Lovey died.
He said, it’ll be alright, he’s in goatie heaven eating greenies. He’s
probably sitting in your lap right now. I said…well, ye know, they say
heaven is only 4 ft off the ground (when you see people floating,
they’re really just standing) so how high do you think my chair is,
then account for the height of my leg and he says….yup…heaven. 😀
The day it happened, it truly was Georgia and Pearl to the rescue.
Maybe that’s why I’m not crying. They came up to me and didn’t leave
my side and gave me all kinds of attention. Even Tika was hanging by
me. I loved on them like a woman who has just buried her precious goat
child. He was my goat child. He lived in my living room for a month,
24/7. Even after he moved, I was still his mom. He no longer needed
diapering, but he did still need his bottles and his mama time. He was
my Love. My goat child. I keep thinking of a movie….can’t remember
which one yet, but it goes like this….I tried so hard not to love
you….how’d ya make out?….terrible. Oh ya, Phenomenon. That’s me and
Lovey in a nutshell. But Love him I did. I guess it may take me a few
days before I can stop talking about him. I hate that actually. I like
to grieve and get it over with. Be done.
It’s supposed to get cold Friday…tomorrow. All these brand newly
sheared goats, well, at least it’s not going into the 30’s. No
shearing tomorrow. So I posted a question on the Colored Angora group
and after a lengthy discussion, finally came to the problem. Ha! The
blades are dull!!! Scarlet says…6 or so shearings and the blades are
dull….I counted…wrongly at first saying 21, but it’s actually 11.
Either way….way more than 6. So…tada…the problem is the blades are
dull. New blades, we should Rock. Between the blades and the rain, I’m
wondering about this shearing. Is it being delayed so Jesse doesn’t
leave yet? I dunno. It’s supposed to rain tonight.
I’ve been pulling Georgia curls for days. Funny it’s taking me so
long, it’s only the little bit I washed, but I’ve been doing it for
hours and hours. It’s a gorgeous 6 inches of candycane swirl amidst
black and white. Every now and then you see a curl that is brown, but
mostly they are black, white and grey/silver. I say grey silver cuz I
haven’t looked at it in the light. I’ve just been pulling it out of
the bag and pulling the curl and putting it in a new bag. Simple
stuff….just takes a long time. Dang, I waited too long…it’s 2:39am and
It’s raining. I can hear it. I gotta play ball with Blue. Dagnabit….oh
well. Night night sweet people.
The cold front has arrived. Apparently when it’s cold, kittens just
want to sleep all the time? I guess, cuz all three have been in my lap
all dang day. Because it’s cold out, it made me want to spin and since
I had enough of Georgia pulled, that’s what I’ve been doing today,
spinning. Not so easy with three kittens in your lap. They want to be
in the fiber. In the bag. I snapped a photo of Wiz crawling in the
plastic bag…looks like he’s gonna suffocate, but no worries, I was
watching and just snapped the photo real quick. Goofy kittens. They
either want to be on the bag or in the bag….in being the preferred
state. It reminds me of the pups rolling in the fiber tossed out
during a shear. Even with all the distractions, I can tell ya, I’m
loving these curls. So soft and long, makes real wispy yarn. I’m
excited to start working with it. It’s bringing a smile to my face. I’m really glad I kept Loveys
fleece. I hadn’t planned on using it cuz his first coat was a Velcro
coat…everything stuck to it…..but with some work, something can be
made from it for hubby….something small, like a hat or scarf. Oh
no….not a hat…..a pillow!!! A snuggle pillow! What a great idea. That
will make a nice gift for hubby who is so very hard to buy for. Wow, I
need to get busy…..Christmas is coming up and his birthday is 3 days
later, so I’ll still have to make a hat…just gotta figure out which
goat he’d like to have a hat of.
Well, just got done with the feeding. Some of the girls are shivering
already and the front is just now getting here. Shortcake didn’t even
want to come out of her house to eat. I had to coax her. 😀 She
likes me, so she listened. And Mimi was on a tare…..nobody was allowed
to eat her food….so, I found an extra half bag of feed and gave them
all extra, since it’s cold….breeding girls, that is. It shouldn’t be
cold enough for sweaters, but they sure were shivering. All day I
noticed that the pups weren’t around. When I went to feed, it became
obvious. And then….oh crap, I left the L gate open last night. Good
pups though, they stayed on the property and probably chased a bunch
of coyotes…..and were patiently laying with the boys, waiting for me
to find them.
Along with the cold, comes the gray skies. Blah, icky blah. I don’t
know if I’ve told ya, I don’t like being too hot, but I absolutely
despise being cold. It makes me want to be like a kitten, and just
curl up. No, I don’t wanna sleep, just stay warm. There’s a nasty
storm headed to the east coast with the hurricane and a northern
front, and I pray you all stay safe and warm. Ya, and I blinked again
didn’t I? Tomorrow is Saturday. Wow oh wow. If only time had flown so
fast when I was suicidal…..shoot, I guess that’s just it. Time was
slow cuz I was following the rules of the world. Now I follow my own
rules and time is as swift as a rushing river……with a pause button
available. I used that pause button this past week. Alrighty
then….like I said…stay warm people. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.