Searching frantically for my niche….Fresh motherly Joy….and My 1st meteor shower

It’s been a dragonfly day. First, as we had visitors, they were flying everywhere and I said it was dragonfly central. Next, on face book, the most beautiful photo of a dragonfly appears, and now, in my movie…Godzilla, it is Operation Dragonfly as code to destroy the building. I’ve already read my sources for dragonfly, let’s check another source. Change and self realization. Speed, happiness and purity. All true. I love dragonflies. They will sit with you when you’re doing hard labor…they pose for photos when they have the mind to and they just plain cheer me up. They are so pretty and so gentle and so diverse in their shapes and colors….like the butterfly and the rose…..haha, and the angora goat!

This Photo is SHARED from Facebook….not mine

Moondust…that’s what the movie just said which reminds me that I used to take photos of Ring around the Moon. My daughter sang me a really pretty hippy song about the ring around the moon. I’ve always had a fascination for them and her song added to it. Anyway, I once posted a photo of the moon with a blue ball next to it and asked if anyone knew what that blue ball might be. Nobody answered. I forgot to say that every time I captured the blue ball, was when I was photographing Ring around the Moon. I wonder if that makes a difference? Ring around the Moon can be a simple circle of clouds that just looks like a ring…..or, it can be the entire sky covered in fat voluptuous clouds with faces and animal figures hiding amidst, with the moon in the center. And sometimes, there is a rainbowish like hue….gotta love those.

Remember this? Still don’t know……….

If we are talking about the moon, then it is definitely time to talk about the meteor shower. I live in the country and as I told you, I once complained to my husband about the cloud in my way, as we sat under the stars when we first moved here. He still teases me and tells people I called the Milky Way, a cloud. So I can see plenty of stars out here in nowhere land. Year after year, they say get ready for the meteor shower and year after year, I see nothing. Until last night. 7/11/12, I saw many shooting stars. I told a friend I saw 8-10, but I would guess it would be a much higher number. I was laying on my back in the bed of the pickup and I wasn’t really counting. I was so thrilled to be seeing them streak across the sky in all directions, it was very odd indeed. I loved it.

I want to say that I have something in the works, but I’d prefer to keep it to myself for the timed being. I just don’t want to do anything behind your back, so I am telling you that I am working on something positive for myself and my farm. I usually try to do that, because for some reason, it seems as if when we tell what we plan to do, it evaporates. Case in point? The babies. I don’t want this to evaporate, and I can use all the encouragement I can get. Also, I intend to promote the angora goat. I intend to. That is a positive energy statement designed to see the deed done. I use it carefully. And…..I’m already re-thinkin the Thing I’m working on. Ya, I started it, but now I’m going thru the what was I thinking stage….how can I make money from this?

You guys gotta understand. Being brave, being confident is relatively new for me. It’s never been my strong suit. As you know, I was suicidal for 38 years. You must realize that that entails a very low self esteem. Well, to be honest, for me, it was more like a war. One portion of me knew that I was something. Knew that I was intelligent and worthy. The other part of me wanted to die. It was a war of self and soul. Those feelings don’t just disappear when you are led to a spiritual journey. it’s a work in progress. I am a work in progress. I’m not sure I’ll ever ‘amount to something’, but I am sure that I lived a hard life and I achieved the goal of happiness. I may not have achieved full all out belief in myself, but I have achieved happiness. One step at a time… But so you’ll know, I have a few ideas up my sleeve.:-D

I will now give you excerpts from last nights troubled Blog.::.

{Today I’ve been a frustrated mess. So many things eating at me. I just haven’t sprung back from the day I saw that damned video of that boy crying, and me waking up with old brain. Just now, I was crying and I saw the lighter flame through aura seeing- non focused eyes and I saw the pattern of the flame. It is like ring after ring of circles radiating out from the flame, but with little bubble circles in the outer rings. How interesting.

I’ve got two different voices in me now…one saying &*%# ….and the other saying, no, you’ve got this. I’m not used to this. I haven’t been this way in awhile. I’m asking God…what’s going on? I mean, there’s just so much on my mind…the Amazon, the Navajo, the price of gas, the sad people, the stolen people, the hostage people, the prisoners, the displaced people, the friggin goat CL, which I personally think is just another contagious disease. Animals and humans get sick…treat it… Isolate contagions, treat it… and go on.

My daughter has recently expressed that she still, still, still, doesn’t feel loved. I’ve got a husband that cares about ….well, I really don’t know. See, I’m swirling, Swirling down. Crap. Came up with an idea and still swirling.
I don’t know how many times I’ve written and erased this, but here goes number ????…..I still only have anywhere from 15-35.…readers, on a good day. I could use any help you can give me to up my readership. Done. Said.

I think I need to just write and not care if anyone, or who, is reading it. I’ve felt restricted. My ways are not the norm. I should be proud of that instead of being afraid of reactions. I have a different perspective and because it is not the accepted way, I pretty much keep my mouth shut. Be bold, my friend.

I cant help but think that this is a repercussion of my thoughts. I need to get a better hold on which thoughts are going through me. It’s terrifying to me when I can’t. I’m feeling overwhelmed in a world full of people with angora goats and with yarn and skills and shawls. My self esteem needs to rise to the occasion. The occasion of actually being a presence. I’m not depressed, just frustrated and disgusted. I will find my way out of this muck. I do that. Hello Angels. It’s 1:44am and I’m gonna go to sleep now worldy ones!!! Kisses and hugs! Hoping to see some meteors when I go out. Let ya know tomorrow. Night night, sweet dreams!

For your reading pleasure, I deleted a LOT of what was written last night. It was a huge jumble of disconnected thoughts heavy laden with frustration. Not truly ready for human consumption. Too bad others can’t edit their bad ideas…Monsanto!!! Brazil!!!! Sellers of Black Hills Lands!!! Destroyers of the beautiful caves of the Amazon, for iron ore!!! Gosh, guess I’m still a bit raw.

Here’s the deal. I deleted a ton of whiny stuff and then began to write again and that’s what came out so I decided not to post it. Most of the whiny stuff has been removed…the problem came when I was still writing with frustration, so…wala….no blog. But a friend suggested I post it anyway. So I shall, warts and all, well, what hasn’t been deleted that is.}
And here we are. Back to tonight. I went and checked for meteors a bit ago and saw nothing. As for tonight, the supposed big night, we shall see. Scarlet is wondering if maybe it’s a time zone thing and that it’s over for us here in America. We shall see. Oh, and by the way, the movie I’m watching now, even though I’m ready for bed is….Race to Witch Mountain…the new one. Love it. As usual. Night night and sweet dreams. Tomorrow, my friends. 2:14am.

My son Jesse has been calling me for the fast few weeks without asking for anything. I can’t tell you how thrilled that makes me, as a mom, to know that he wants to talk to me, is priceless. He tried to call yesterday but I was still asleep. Today he called on his Lunchbreak!!! When he lived with my mother we barely spoke. When he lived here for 9 months of his 18th year, we fought like cats and dogs. My boy is growing up.

someones building a nest in the zenbuggy!

hehe, someones still afraid of the dogs

Mama’s calling…………………..

naked Valey….still hiding some, but she got on the mountain today, so it’s getting better.

6 yr old Choxie neck curls

yearling Lila curls

Maya

Goodness gracious, what a treat today. After going to the goat show, I have not found it necessary to shoo the goats into the catch pen in order to grab one to shear. Today I was very sly about it and snatched baby Sweetpea up and got her on the stanchion quite easily. She was my first and only, so far, baby born out in the field, instead of in a kidding pen. I carried her to the house that day and that was the last time I got near her because she had 6 acres to run from me in. So, once she was up she stopped screaming and from that moment on, she stood still. Absolutely still. Not one dance, not one twitch or stomach suck in. Not one buck of the head. Certainly the best goat ever to stand in my stanchion. Now, she didn’t like getting her hooves done, but I’ve seen much worse. What a delight. I rubbed her all over and under the chin, and scratched her head….in the hopes that she may decide I’m not so bad after all. My treat for the day.

I keep forgetting the Before photo!!!!! SweetPea!!!! Best girl ever!

Jeesh this got long, better stop here. Haven’t even gone to feed yet. Ok, Yay oh yay, got the 4 holdouts….out! And of course, food was involved which meant they had to immediately deal with the horses ad cows pushing them out of the way. Need another large area sectioned off, but that’s not in the forecast any time soon. Anyway….Signing off at Curly Locks Ranch.  Oh ya….had a late night visitor of the 8 leg sort. I said, well Hello! She let me get very close with my iphone camera!! What a sweet spider. Put it at the end so I don’t scare anyone like I did last time. teehee.

Ain’t she pretty?

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4 thoughts on “Searching frantically for my niche….Fresh motherly Joy….and My 1st meteor shower

    • Hello Brad….it is amazing…but I did not take it.I saw it on Facebook and it was part of my dragonfly experience so I included it. My dragonfly photos are not nearly so colorful…solid red and solid greens is what I see here. I’m sorry about the confusion, I thought I’d explained, but I can see now that I should have put a caption instead of leaving it blank as my way of saying it wasn’t mine. But ya….they should have sold it! It is glorious!!! Thanks Brad!

    • hahahaaaaa..even the whining!!!! yay!!! yes, a fiber spider…lol, I actually tried to remove that for her but she got scared. Thanks hon….shoot, I saw that photo contest..went to see and turns out they decided to extend it one more day…so I entered 2 photos..I never enter things, but what the heck ❤ huggs

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