Wyatt stares at me with that cocked head, like…what are you waiting for? Did I jinx it by talking about it? Is that plane gonna crash? What could be the reason for this? I’m too sad to write. My insides hurt. My nose is runny and I’m into the silent screaming cry now. I know it will work out in the end. They will be here. They will be so happy here, it just wasn’t the right moment. Knowing this doesn’t make it any easier. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I told a girl…people die…everything dies, we all know this…plants, animals, humans, everything dies…why are we surprised? Was it that? Was I mean? No, her person hadn’t died, they were diagnosed with cancer and were blaming GOD. I’m sorry.
It’s the truth though. Everything born on this planet, including plants, knows that it will die. It will live and then it will die. We all know this. Don’t we? Why then…the big fuss when someone gets a dying illness? Or just plain when someone dies? It’s God’s fault. What? It may be His design, but it surely isn’t his fault. It’s just life…it’s just the story we are in.
And look…we can step out of it if we want. Whoo hoo! Here I am…not sad at this moment…because I chose to step out…to show you. See, we can choose. In a second….I’m going to choose to cry. That’s ok. It’s a choice. It is LIFe. I like the way that word came out. LIFe. During my winter solstice, I wrote everything diagonally. I don’t know how to explain it…so I will take a picture of the journal it’s written in. I now understand that it is designed to make the brain wake. To wake it from it’s sluggish sleep. See…I’ve forgotten about the goats, and am now talking about waking the brain. Choices.
There is one other alternative…one other path that could be being suggested, and that is to drive there ourselves. Could that entail dropping off goats on the way? Anybody want some goats? Free? Fine, useable fiber? No. I don’t know. I’m very upset right now. I shouldn’t even go there. Ok…. So. They’re not coming in the morning. Adjust. You’ve got to adjust to that. Tracee is at the hotel, I believe, having just had what she deemed…the best coffee she’d ever had(ya, when you‘re that stressed, the worst coffee would be the best coffee)…and then dinner at Ihop. I’m rambling because…what else am I supposed to do? My dream has just been diverted. Has that ever happened to you? It sucks…to tell the truth. I mean, I get it…it wasn’t the right time.. But you could have given me a heads up. Ya, the broken tooth tonight…but I mean…really, a heads up…….dang, dang, dang. Ahh crap, here comes the pressure from the hurricane again. I know. It’s not a hurricane yet…but lemme tell ya…due to the pain…. I’m expecting a frog on the porch. It’s 2:26, I should go to sleep. Night people.
Well, I sure am glad I wrote all that last night because I am in no mood to write. Ok, here’s what happened. When Tracee arrived at the cargo terminal, in the van she RENTED, they unloaded the babies crates and weighed them. Then I guess they saw the horns and said no. Refusal to let fly. One month of talking to these people…never a mention of horns. So, they tell her to go cut the horns off and come back. Freakin idiots. You won’t let them fly cuz they have horns, but you’ll let them fly with blood going everywhere as they lay dying? Smart buddy, real smart. And of course, the phone lines were closed at that hour and American airlines cargo was closed as well. In fact…all cargo out of Seattle is closed on the weekends. Poor Tracee couldn’t find a hotel, so she slept an hour and a half in her van, then drove home. I didn’t know this, and woke very early to straighten it out. I talked to a lady who was surprised and said they should have been allowed. She talked to the Seattle supervisor who also said, should have been allowed. I got her extension number because she wanted Tracee to call her. Now, I’m just realizing….Seattle cargo is closed, how could she have spoken to the supervisor? So Tracee calls her and she says….no horns allowed.
After calling American Airlines twice and being told horns are allowed, but health certificate is not required, I said…HUH??? So, we drove to the airport to speak to someone face to face. He said it’s ultimately up to the handlers at Seattle cargo. He gave me the direct line and said to ask for the crew chief, so that whatever decision he made would hold no matter who was on duty at time of arrival. So, since it’s closed all weekend…we wait. We wait till Monday morning, then call and see. In the meantime, I am checking on alternate methods. So, there you have it. I did take pictures today but I don’t feel like this being a pretty blog tonight. I did promise a picture of the sideways writing, so I will add it, but that’s all.
Minutes before they said…no fly, I had prayed my shield of protection and safety around them. All I can think is….they wouldn’t have survived if they had taken that flight. Meant to be. Not yet. Not today. Not right timing. Sure…..all easy and good, and fine, and I understand…..but my heart doesn’t understand. My heart is hurting regardless of how I spin this. My birthday, well, so much for that. Reminds me of my son saying that his grandma didn’t get him any presents for his 16th and 17th year for Christmas and how both times, he convinced himself that surely she would have something there for him…but she didn’t. He said how sad that was. Now I sorta know. Love you Jesse. Well, that’s all for today folks. I am sorry about the lack of pictures. Sorry about the non chipper tone as well. Love you too Summer Girl. And another wave of hurricane pain hits. 🙂 Signing off at Curly Locks Ranch.