Ok, my head is reeling. So, as I was telling Cathy about the 55 ft tall beings in the video from yesterday, she said, “Well, that’s why it’s in the bible…to let you know it really happened and it’s not a myth….and dragons and unicorns are in there too.” What? Ok….talk about a cruel society. I go from believing the stories, as a child….to being told in school that they are just myths. And now, as a well seasoned woman, I’m told that those three things are real. Well, if they’re real, what else is? Seriously, unicorns? I love unicorns, and once saw a photo in a book of a real horse made to look like a unicorn….it was absolutely gorgeous, and some of the mane was braided, oh man. Never did I dare hope they were real! George!!! Thank you my friend for the gift of the unicorn dust a few years back. She had promised it as a gift whenever she left…which was 10 months later. Right before she left, she said she had met with the unicorn and had sprinkled the dust on me as I slept.
So I looked into the faery thing. The earliest history I could find said they were the first inhabitants of Greece, I think, and they could shape shift at will. Sounds like Atlanteans to me. It’s been the passage of time that has changed the faery’s size and also their demeanor has shifted from good to bad over the eons. Speaking of Atlaneans, I still recommend The Camino, by Shirley MacLaine. So, if you’re needing some reading material, say if you’re going on a stressful trip, maybe this would be a good thing to take along, to calm your mind and give you a break from the happenings. Believe you me, it definitely takes you there.
I’m trying really hard to stay on one topic tonight. Ok, remember I told you about seeing the faces in the walls, trees and rocks? Well, I left a part out. During that time, I carried my Nikon and was brave and walked through the woods here. My favorite spot is these boulders in the shade with green moss growing. Anyway, I was zooming in really close and then manipulating the photos with software using photo negative and solarize effect. When I looked a week or two ago, I didn’t see what I used to see. Guess I had stopped believing. I’m certainly hoping I see it now, when I try to show you some.
So….. My daughter said the wiggles were real and that they contacted her during a huyaska ceremony. So, if the unicorns are real, and the dragons are real, and the giants are real, then so can my Wiggles be real. If my wiggles can be real, then I am indeed blessed.
When I went looking for the 911 poem, They Danced… It eventually took me into my big yellow diary thing. While there, I realize that I’ve been talking to you guys forever, it’s just now, that I am able to be heard. And I have to say, it’s pretty sad stuff, all the way up to 2005 is where I got to. I didn’t remember being so depressed that recently. Gosh, have I evolved. Must be that unicorn dust. Anyway, I’m thinking I should show you a sample. I have many different diaries. But this one is from my Big fat Yellow one. And don’t you dare think I’m sad now, just because I’m showing you this 7 year old writing!!! 3:13am 🙂
How does one reconcile with the fact that she cares for people so much more than they care for her? She simply says, that’s normal…suck it up. My friends son dies…I find out..2 weeks later. She has an excuse…lost my number. I guess death is an excuse too, but I give too much away. Cuz, this is normal for me. I call people, they don’t call me. I’m as alone at 43 as I was in the womb. I used to seek death, now I fear it. What if there’s no one in heaven that wants to meet me? I wouldn’t blame them. I so failed as a human. I so failed. I failed as a mother, a daughter, sister, friend, wife, girlfriend, caretaker of animals, changer of the world. Failed. Failed. Failed.
On the bright side, I’m not without wisdom. Gee, a wise old hermit…what good is that? I would wish for an Angel to show me the good I’ve done thru my life, but I don’t deserve it. I try not to wish for much, knowing how little I deserve. But, I sure can’t help wishing for a toilet. Ohhhh, for a toilet. Aside from world peace and my children’s safety, that is my grandest desire. A toilet in my room. That will flush and can’t be knocked over. Two and a half years with a bucket is unAmerican! Don’t I deserve at least that? Ha! We’ll see. I know, I know. Tsunami’s are going on, thousands of people are dying, Armageddon is coming and I’m worried about a toilet.
Forgive my pettiness. My daughter is off into fantasyland and I can’t do a thing to stop her, just as my mother couldn’t stop me. And didn’t. I’m rambling, but in case you don’t know it, that’s what I do. My brain jumps from thing to thing so fast that even I can’t keep up with it. I have a 133 IQ, and the heart of a weeping willow. There is a song that describes me, called wildflower…by Skylark. I searched for it for years, and my daughter found it for me. Thank you Summer. An answer to a dream. I want to buy it, but if I buy it…will I cry all day…listening to it? Oh…..I so didn’t make it as a human.
If I am an unworthy human, what does that make me? An unworthy human. Let me out. Can’t I get out of this place? There is no human who can understand me but me. Alone with myself, Can I save the world as I grew up thinking I would, or should. Not at this rate. I hide. I don’t come out. Nothing noone wants, am I. Seriously depressed am I.
Far too many times, I chose not to write. My life, to me, was humiliating. I don’t entirely see it that way anymore. Maybe I’m not a human failure. Maybe I’m exactly what and who I’m supposed to be. Me.
I have many diaries. It’s always interesting to go back and see how far I’ve come. I’ve always thought that I would put them together into a book, but my life is so busy now, there’s no time for that. Any ideas?
Well, remember what I learned about the heart being the most important thing we have for manifestation, I learned yesterday that the heart has brain cells. A whole network of them. The heart does not need the brain, to think, it thinks for itself. Stunning news folks, stunning news.
Rain. It’s been lightly raining for a few days now, but today, we got some real rain. Some puddle making rains. And look what I just read:
“There is no doubt; without action, a flood of federal regulations appears imminent. Many of our nation’s farms and ranches could find themselves awash in new, expensive and unwarranted regulations – even if the cause of those regulations is an inch-deep puddle following a downpour. Long after the puddle dries, the effect of the regulations could linger.” Can you imagine? They want our puddles? Government is getting really really scary these days.
Well, since it’s raining, there has been no goat interaction today. Ya, I’ll go feed them and also give Lovey his bottle, but when they see me, they come out of the houses, and into the rain. Near dark, if Lovey even hears me open the back door, he will come out of the house and stand in the rain until I come with the bottle, like he did last night. Bubba hasn’t moved from the front door, well, sometimes he rotates to the back door, but I do mean, at the door. You have to step over him to get out. Shoot, Baby Girl hasn’t seen me all day and she didn’t even come to feed. Maybe the rain makes them all sleepy?
Well, the shawl is nearly done, and I’ve had a request to make something new, based on the tiny purses. Should be fun. Might have to dye some more curls, cuz I think I used most of it in the shawl and the little purses. Well, guess that’s it for today. Signing off at Curly Locks Ranch.