Well folks, I’ve done it again, but this time it didn’t hurt a thing. I didn’t quite grasp that the extra desire for me to save a photo and story, ‘was in actuality, my tiny whisper’. I told you about reading the story of White Raven, and I would normally have shared the link with you, but the 2-3 urges for me to save it, were disregarded by me. That’s how subtle it is, this tiny whisper. Let’s see, maybe I can find it a different way. Nope, no luck. Tried everything, and it just proves I was supposed to listen.
It’s nearly 1 am and I just looked over and saw the box of doughnuts my husband bought for me today. A dozen. And glazed! I like mine after the day has set, so they are ooey gooey. Not quite day old, but close. I’m thinking there’s a munchfest comin on. Lol, that probably means 2. Haha. (Had 3)
I was led to that song and the photo of a hand, full of color, reaching out. How beautiful is that? I first sent it to my friend who grieves. She’s been grieving for 14 months, going on 1,000. Love you hon. She cannot bear that her loved one, her husband, is gone. There s nothing, nothing, that I can say to sway her. To tell her that he was done with his life, finished, done his job. That’s it, that simple. We all are born, and we all die. Everyone knows this. Yes, he was great, yes he was your life, but the key word there, is WAS. Someday, I hope she embraces life, as it is now. Now, and now.
Next, I sent the same picture to my Columbia teen. Ahhhh, beautiful girl. I adore you. I want you to fly and grab every cloud, every dream you can conjure up. The universe awaits you, as you grow from a caterpillar into the most gorgeous butterfly, MARIPOSA, that God has ever seen. Bless you. And these moments you are experiencing, they are just moments, please try to remember that. I promise you, in 6 months, 3 months, 2 months, you won’t even remember what I’m talking about.
You are so young, your life is changing fast. Just ride the ride. If something feels yukky, back up. If something makes your heart sing…sing, baby girl, sing. Words are important, but in the hands of ignorance, I like to think that God kinda mutes those prayers, as nothing. Anytime anyone ever ever says anything mean or bad to you, I want you to think of me, remember me. Think of the times we had together, divert your mind and realize that it is in the past, even if it just happened a few seconds ago. It is gone. You are here now, and I love you. And feel free to post these words in your group because although I Haven’t chatted with them on skype, I do know them. I too wanted to die. Everyday, for forever. Till God pulled me out of the dark hole of the old world life I used to live. Pulled me out, gave me new thoughts, new dreams, new everything. Don’t get me wrong, I had to put in the effort. I had to listen to the whisper and turn the page, or click that link, or turn the channel, or think that thought.
My concrete heart
has weathered the travel well
all those mystical journeys
to heaven, to nowhere, to hell
my concrete heart
can exist within the pain
and I can go on loving
hey, what was your name?
Not made of flesh
that would have surely bled
and left so many traces
of where my path has led
Not made of steel
That would rust with salt & tears
brought on by the misery
of a thousand misplaced fears
Not made of stone
that time would easily wear down
and leave just tiny pebbles
stepped on & kicked around
Not made of wood
so damn vulnerable to the fire
ignited by the spark
of endless unfulfilled desire
Yeah, I got a concrete heart
and I’m guarding it real well
don’t want anyone to steal it
it shields my soul from hell
my concrete heart
can exist within the pain
so i can go on loving
hey, what was your name?
hey, where are you going?
(I saw this photo, connected it to my poem and had to post it last night. That was way before I wrote here about baby Rose)
I was a baby, baby Rose, and I wanted to learn everything. I had an unquenchable thirst for knowledge, which I usually found by typing in the words secret or hidden. Google, that is. How much do you know about Pi? Or the Solfeggios? Or the pyramids? Or ascension? Or prophecy? Or belief. Belief. Choose what you believe. Make new choices in this new time, this new age, this new age of Aquarius……… remember, my trigger song from childhood. When the moon is in the 7th hour and Jupiter aligns with Mars………………..
Then peace will guide the planets
And love…will steer the stars
This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius
Age of Aquarius
Harmony and understanding
Sympathy and trust abounding
No more falsehoods or derisions
Golden living dreams of visions (wow)
Mystic crystal revelation (wow)
And the minds true liberation….(wow)
Keep in mind folks, that this song was written in the 70‘s by LSD trippin kids, close derivative of DMT, the body chemical we all possess… and it’s coming true. Look around. More and more people are thinking like me, like, well, different. I wish, I truly wish I could put it in a nutshell for you, but life isn’t that easy. It takes work, as I just said. So, if you’re in a down place, work hard on diverting, changing your thought pattern,,,, if you must concentrate on this issue, at least concentrate in a positive way.. Spin the words to your benefit. Spin folks, the web of life, spin. Nightie night. 3am
So, how did the people in the 70’s know what would happen in 2012? That’s for you to think about.
Went for Saturday errands as usual. The grocery store was packed, uggh, and the lines were forever. People preparing for the 4th of July. I don’t really celebrate the 4th. Not into fireworks, too much fire risk, and I prefer my hamburgers from Jack in the Box. 🙂 Had a small storm on the way home, with the feed in the bed of the truck, but it should be alright. None of the bags broke when I moved em.
Everybody who was not getting grain cried and begged. All it got them was a photo op! Wyatt stood up on the fence and wow, he’s grown. He is huge! Wyatt is a boy out of Aramis, the buck I don’t like to breed cuz his babies are so big. Then, when I was visiting the Munchkins, I realized how good Miyagi is looking. He was gorgeous as a baby, then apparently went into an awkward teen stage, but wow, he’s gonna be a heartstopper with this next fleece! Of course, I’ll have to fight the sticker burrs, cuz he’s loaded with them, especially on his head, as are all the boys with pasture access. What fun. 2010 fleeces are still loaded with burrs. If the fleece is worth the effort, I go through it, painfully. Oh ya…..I was cruising Facebook, on a Native American site, and I see this photo of an angora goat and her baby. It says, Olive Oyl and Sweetpea. I look again, and it IS, it’s MY Olive Oyl and SweetPea! How cool is that?
The more I search and bloghop, the more I am seeing of people in pain. Emotional pain. Seems like there’s a sale on that at the moment. I even had a situation last night. Someone called and asked me to skype, then they never went to skype. I later learned that a friend of hers was wanting to kill herself. Then she told me about 5 others in that place talking of suicide. Wanting to leave the planet. So, I went to google to see if there was a rise going on. Seems there is, and the CDC blames it on the economy. These people however, are all Spiritual people, conscious people, so it concerns me. How does that happen? How does someone go so backward on their path? And since they know how to live in peace, in harmony with the earth, and they want out…..how do you help them? What can you say that they don’t already know? So, while I’m googling it, I also see that Cutting is on the rise, and not just cutting, near death type cutting. Why are so many people in so great a pain? This makes me want to blog even more. But jeesh, how do you get them to see the blog? It just makes my heart hurt. I guess that means my heart is using it’s muscle, the powerful one, from the blog yesterday. This all caught me by surprise. Is anyone else seeing a rise in suicidal thoughts in those around them? Scary scary.
Well, my son got out of jail but so far, he’s not here. Want the best for him, but the stress he brings is very heavy. He may still come, there’s a 15 day window where he will be floating, before he has a home and a job. Just don’t want him at loose ends during those 15 days! Ok, well, lot’s to pray about, and lot’s of people to pray for! Yikes, Signing off at Curly Locks Ranch! And btw, It’s gonna be ok!!! And to prove it to you, I’m going to post the most hardcore poem I’ve ever written, to show you how damaged I was, then remind you to ………….Look at me Now! (Not for those who don’t like cuss words) It’s very long, and harsh, so some may want to avoid it. But here it is, down below. Blessings!
JUST TRY ME
Don’t know how I’ve lived so many years
I feel so damn useless & old
I’ve lived vicariously thru everyone’s life
People kept giving me all their shit to hold
The world kept shoveling pieces in my pocket
And I lived thru & survived each one
They weighed me down, more, more
And damnit man, this shit weighs a ton.
They’ve been dishing me spoonfuls of their diseases
All their pains & wannabe’s
Loading me down with miscellaneous crap
All their delusions & distorted realities
Oh, you’ve got so much potential
that’s what the hypocrites say, that
I’m wasting my life & depriving the world
Cold mother fucker, you’re stealing my today!
I carry your guns & ammunition
I’m the warehouse for your shit
Find my heartbeat, pull the trigger
Pull the trigger, you son of a bitch
Take your words, your thoughts, your poison
Shove ’em all the way up your ass
Now close your eyes & follow my path
Take a trip thru your own shit, first class
My destiny has been obliterated
You drained my dreams & replaced ’em with yours
I was your ‘do anything’ lackey
Crack the whip & I’m down on all fours
Damnit, your world is pissing me off
Aren’t you done fucking me yet?
You take me, drain me, toss me to the side
Go on mother fucker; take all you can get
Someday my friend, and I say that word loosely
I’m gonna search thru the big black hole
Where my mind was banished as a child
Gonna pull myself out & swallow you whole
Ya, I’m gonna show you how it feels
Wanna see you swimming in the shit
Watch the world’s nightmares crawl in your bed
It’s your turn mother fucker, you live with it
Oh ya, & you’ll feel that heavy mass
As they now unload their crap on you
All their bullshit, their lies, their reality
Cuz hey, that’s all they know how to do, just like you
I never wished my pain on anyone
I thought ‘damn, that would be so cruel’
I didn’t know the pain had been pawned
Pawned on me-your lackey, your dog, your fool
You poor lowly selfish little creature
I just don’t know how you’re gonna survive
Cuz when you get to all the pain & shit I carried
Man, that monster’s gonna eat you alive
Cuz you think your shit doesn’t stink
Ya, mother fucker, you think you know it all
Let me tell ya, you’re in for a big surprise
You get to take MY place, as the human rag doll
The world will toss you up & watch you fall
Oh, & they’ll do it with such delight
Ya, & I’ll be right there with ’em
Cuz I wanna remember what I looked like
Take a big breath man, you’re goin down
Believe me, I’m someone who knows
Ya, I learned from the best of the worst
My advice to you is nothin,cuz with ragdolls