I realize that most of my readers are very content with their lives and don’t have depressions or think of themselves harshly. Most of you don’t even think about such questions as why am I here or what happens when I die. Oh, man, and you even like yourself, I’m sure. What a feat! That must mean that the voice in your head is kind to you. Does it flatter you and tell you you look beautiful? …I’ve never experienced that.
I do however, like myself now. Now that I’m out of the box. And now that I am, I have to pay severe attention to my thoughts, to catch the wrong ones and fix ‘em. If my ego is saying something unkind, I cancel and erase. Also, if my body isn’t the way I want it, I pray and visualize, like I do everything else. I don’t have a weight problem, unless you’d go on the skinny end of that. But if I did, I would probably spend a good part of my day talking to my body, to my cells and encouraging them with their job of eating the fat cells. Now, of course if this were possible, which it is, then one would also need to make it clear with the body to never take more than is healthy for the body. Because we are one, my body and I. On the other hand, I may choose to not give a whit what size I am, like recently, and wala, I am now back to my lifelong weight.
Forever ago was my pain. Forever is so long. I remember thinking how long the days are and that…I have to do this all over again, tomorrow?… Why do I keep waking up? I don’t take naps. I hated being alive, therefore to me, a nap was living two days in one. No way. A few years back, I was obsessed with death. I was scared. I was scared of what it was really like. What was going to happen? In my studies, I’ve read of the Egyptian theories and oh my, I wasn’t up for that. It finally culminated one night with a plea. As I was laying down to sleep, I asked to be shown what death was like. I just couldn’t take the not knowing anymore.
I was walking down a hilly road. I was not alone. There were many many people on the road ahead of me, all hurrying. I saw people walking on the hills as well. We were very scared. Faster and faster we walked and then a noise. It was so loud. Then I see it, a train is flying through the air, and it’s coming toward us. I see a child ahead and I scoop her up and run toward a bush. Just as we reach the bush and are huddled there, the train crashes down on us. I shield the child and I wait to die. It is here ….finally….my moment of death. Finally, I get to know. I know the train has killed me. I know that I am dead. All that’s left is for me to open my eyes and find out what death is like. One two three, GO! I open my eyes, …… and I am laying in my bed, awake, in my room, in my house, on this land, in this time.
(Just to let ya know, the first 2 paragraphs are what I wanted to write, the next part was what Spirit wanted me to write.)
My rational brain wants to fix this blog. To take out one or the other. To separate them as two different topics for separate days, but the creative part of me says to leave it alone, to show how Spirit works. Spirit didn’t ask me to write tonight. I was watching a movie, Midnight in Paris, about a writer, and I was feeling full of myself. Sorry, …I love writing this and I love knowing that someone is reading. Nobody ever wanted to read my writings before and it bothered me. Bothered me tremendously to tell you the truth.
Anyway, I was relating to the writer in this guy in the movie and I wanted to write. So I wrote what I wanted to write. It came out slowly. If I’m writing a poem and it doesn’t come out in less than say, 2 minutes, then I may as well stop. Spirit isn’t with me. And if Spirit isn’t with me, it’s not worth diddly squat.
The shift in the writing is very apparent (to me, at least) and I must say, was very apparent in a physical sense this time as well. It was a tightness, a tight fogging, squeezing of the brain, as I let my fingers type the words……….Forever ago was my pain.
What fun! Gosh, to go from hating being alive, to saying, what fun. It’s awesome folks. I was being facetious earlier, in the beginning anyway. And speaking of that, that’s the first time I’ve ever used that word in a sentence since the girl who stabbed my ex, said it to me. Yay, life moves on. I let myself use the word, which was perfectly appropriate, and I have climbed another rung in the ladder of me. This is fun. I’m writing again. I always wrote. But I wanted to be a painter. Nope, I am most bigly, a writer in my soul. Oh, what fun.
Oh ya, the Hopi Elders came out with a Message for us!!!! Wow oh wow. Thank you thank you thank you. Watch the video, then try to watch the movies Phenomenon and August Rush. Preferably in the same day if at all possible, to get a good dose of what I want you to get. What I’ve been explaining, teaching, sharing. These two movies epitomize what I’m saying to a T. Not just a T, but a Model T. Lol. And by the way, when you watch the Hopi video, and I certainly expect you shall,… if anyone knows what’s coming, it’d be them…. Anyway, when you watch it, please take note that they say….We are the ones we’ve been waiting for, and contrast it to my words a few nights ago of…We are the Rainbows we seek. Yippikyay! Aho. Mitakuye Oyasin.
Damn, hate to say this, but another thing. I see an awful lot of people holding onto grief. It is my personal opinion that there will be many, many people leaving the planet now. Get that stuck in your brain, so you won’t get so bottle shocked. Just a heads up. Shake it off, Let it go. Could I be wrong? Of course! The future hasn’t happened and really doesn’t even exist. Oh wow, I’ve told myself that in a slightly different way for years now, but I just now truly get it in it’s entirety. I see it. The future is what is fake. What is unreal. Unsurmountable. The lie. OOOOH, the big lie. There is no future, there is only now….and now…and now….and now….and now….and now….and now….and now. That part I got, it’s the no future part that had eluded me until tonight. Thank you Blessed Spirit…………….. Let’s dance.
One of my readers, Dreams of Bear, said that she looked forward to my posts. That is probably the highest compliment I have ever received. And as I said in another post, I am open to receive. Btw, It wants me to fix the word unsurmountable, and turn it into insurmountable, but I refuse. There is an I in IN. Nothing is unsurmountable to the I, so I’m goingwith the U. Another new word. Unsurmountable. Un= not…. Sur=hmmm ?, …Mount=climb, …reach=finish, …able=friggin able. Yes people, this is how my brain works. Just wait till I tell you the Solstice story. Ha! 🙂
Sorry that was so long, That’s the way it is sometimes. Today we sheared Socrates, one of the Beautifuls with mites. I had said I wouldn’t do any more without clippers, but we were just taking some of the saddle due to the heat. In the end, his coat was so thickly grown that as it was cut, it hung heavy, which let us see where the hair meets the body. We got most of it off him and I know he is much happier.
Right after we started, the thunder began to rumble and the wind kicked it’s heels, but we were doing important duty and the rain waited until we were done. I let the Pretties out for the day, and Lovey was a goat all day long, Yay! Until of course when I came back out, then he was at my feet. You have no idea how hard it is to get a photo of Lovey outside of the pen. I will show you how it goes.
Well, the wind is still ablowin and there’s the occasional rumble, so I’m not sure this is over yet. The cover to the Pup pen has been split in two and is blowin in the wind, so there’s no shade now. I am so excited about the Hopi message. I wonder how many times I will watch it tonight? 🙂 This subject has just begun. Signing off at Curly Locks Ranch.