Stepping into my POWER….inch by inch

I am officially living in Costa Rica for now! I have an address and a key to the door! My lil cabina! Prettiest darn cabina ever! Summer and I had met up, we went to Dominical, the beach town a few days then she went on to Sound of Light, Florestral for another ayahuasca ceremony. I stayed in Dominical cuz I didn’t have the money to do the aya….she was a helper so it was worktrade. I did my thing at the beach…..had the friend date, met all the locals and they waved to me each day. Can’t be completely safe cuz a dude from Norway is missing. Met his friends on the friend date. They were the ones with the cute camping structure. But ya….he went missing. Oh well….Spirit watches out for me for sure. Met up with Summer again and we had a few healings. A Divine Straightening………I don’t hunch over anymore!!!! Truly! Haven’t noticed any other things yet but wow…I’m straight! And……..had a hypnosis visualization thingy with Ophir before he left on his healing tour. WOW……not ready to talk about that yet. Big. Huge. Powerful….but I need to step into that power before its real. Then we went to San Isidro to meet up with Awakening Soul at the market. I met with Zahrah and told her I’d meditate on whether or not to come back. In the meantime…..Summer found a newsletter with for rents…..and I saw the sweetest cabina. Told God that if if was still available that would be my answer. It was. The owner picked me up from the hotel to show me then returned me….also came and got me when I said yes….I’ll take it! I’m ten minutes from San Isidro. Bus stop is 2 minutes away. I grabbed a few groceries from the market and then today I walked to the tiny convenience store about1/4 mile down the hill. Not much there but got tp, pt, olive oil and ice cream. Ya, it’s dairy. Not supposed to have that but I don’t have lemons yet to start the cleanse prep yet anyway. Or the cleanse tea so yay….I get ice cream! And……so you’ll know….pre-ayahuasca, I would NEVER have walked to that store! Shoot…or all over San Isidro for that matter!

        This cabina is rather fancy for me….but that’s ok. I deserve it. Worked on a jaguar shamanic painting today, nearly finished. Need product, to sell at market. Also, I told the universe yesterday that I needed an interpreter so I could buy a local phone. Universe gave me one! While doing so, he saw my art and says he has several friends with galleries…..and he thought they would love to have my art there. Plus, the lady I’m renting from…Carol……has a friend with a gallery too. Who knows. AND….met a guy yesterday whose wife does needle felting and teaches classes. He suggested we collaborate…..cuz I had stuff to teach! I’m supposed to set up a day out where I go to their house and spend the day. She….is a local….they call them Tico. I’m seeking ways to support myself here. Want to live here part time. During dry season maybe. Also…..I can sell my stuff during the Envision Festival. This could work! Need more food here though. I’m hungry again. Not much here yet. I should go see whats available on the plethora of fruit trees. Just took a walk to take photos for you. Just beautiful here. A great place to learn to meditate, process ayahuasca learnings, work on my art, learn Spanish….haha….I think half and half. If I say cool beans….I’m thinkin frio frijoles. I took a bath in the fancy tub….and it rained, but not hard enough for water to come down the boulder. Pretty awesome design.

        I am amazed every day at the awesomeness of Spirit….and my place in the world of it now. 16 years on the Spiritual journey and I am now at a place where I can see the manifesting of things I designed years ago. Even as many as 5-6 years ago…..manifesting now. So people…..patience is key! Met the guy in the other cabina here a few minutes ago. Was observing myself as I spoke to him…wowza….I really am different! I am full of joy and hope and prosperity. And its contagious! I spread the smiles! I cannot contain them. I don’t wanna contain them either! Oh…..guess what! Last night….I saw a scorpion and for the first time….I didn’t kill it. Just observed it, lol, then watched it go under the couch I was on! Ayahuasca!!! So……I haven’t talked to the Sound of Light folks yet, but I’m pretty sure this can be arranged. I was thinking. I have one…maybe 2 people who are interested in doing the ayahuasca, but are a bit scared. I was thinkin. What if we had an event. A friends of MamaSheri ayahuasca event. I would participate with you all……so you wouldn’t be scared. Next spring. What do ya think? Any takers? Or now….there’s still time now before the rainy season starts! That would be so friggin awesome. It would bless me to help you all. It would bless you too!

                  I am happy to say that my mother has supported me on this journey and I’m very grateful and overjoyed. Also….my hubby has too. He sent the rent money! I’m hoping to make enough things to support myself for the next few months. Ha…gotta hurry! And ya….I chose healing over the turquoise water…but I’m not ruling it out…..manifest time!!! I had my first black tea since arriving here …yay….and hot cacao!!! LOL….i did mean cacao…not cocoa. Here, we eat the good stuff. Right off the tree…..before they tarnish it with their processing. Alrighty then…..guess that’s it. Signing off at my cabina in Quebrados Costa Rica!!! Ahhhh….the rain, the beautiful rain. Loving you guys!!! Think about coming….think about being brave and learning about yourself and being reset, like a computer. Think ayahuasca. Research it. Lemme know. Love love.

i love this…

Realizing that writing this blog is not good for me and really never has been. Every day I would write what I thought and even knew, were good words, written well….and only about 20-30 would read. Each day it was a reminder to me that I have been an invisible entity not being recognized. Then I did the art and the same thing happened. Now I’m different. Ayahuasca different and I don’t think I should write my life. Am I losing energy by doing so? And because I’m ayahuasca different, I’m writing these words which prompted a realization. I do it because I feel that I owe the world. As someone who was born with a gut telling them they were supposed to save the world, writing the blog was my best attempt at trying to fulfill what I thought was my destiny. I tried to impart the wisdoms I’ve earned along my strenuously bumpy path. My path is now perfectly flowing with gentleness and ease. This is how I now talk to myself. See, I didn’t like that I had to say that my path was bumpy. I needed to fix it. Fix it so I didn’t doom myself to a bumpy path. Words are POWER. They are ENERGY. What does energy do……it moves. It seeks like kinds. So…insert the word Energy instead of power and you say….words move. Words seek like kinds. Oooooh that’s scary!!!! Haha! Cool experiment! See, I am a teacher. I AM a lot of things and I AM careful about when I use the words I AM. I catch myself saying it and wham…quick as the flash of a blue morphs wings(butterfly), I have to fix it. Cancel clear….then rephrase. 

I am…haha…in Dominical, Costa Rica, in a hostel sitting on the bottom bunk bed behind mosquito netting. The top bunk is empty but I’m paying for it so I can have a private room. I came here to decide what to do and the minute I got here I got the message to not stress. Just let life happen and my answers would come. Been trying to do that. I had planned to go to Panama to snorkel but life happened and thank God cuz I can see now that I would have been terrified. I’m alone here. Tonight I went to a shamanistic guided journey. Group meditation. First off….once upon a time I would NEVER have been able to go alone to something like that and 2, I would never have gone to a meditation thing either. You see….I am a’changin. Maybe it’s the surf pounding in my ears as I sit here under the netting….nah, that’s just a part. Most of it I owe to ayahuasca and if I say that then I also owe every single one on every plane of existence who helped me to be able to take the ayahuasca. Including the legion of angels and the human Angels prayin me through and my guides and and and. That reminds me. I’m on the lookout for more pouch pendants. Lol, no money at the moment but still, I’d like to start lookin. So while you’re out n about in life, if you happen to see a pendant…hangable object…has an O-ring..with….Jaguar, elephant, hummingbird, hmmmm, gotta think of the other 2. One was probably lizard. It came to me during vision quest that I needed them on my pouch. (Best if a crystal stone of some kind is within somehow, like mother of pearl or opal,  either inlaid or carved from or hanging with.)
There is something so magical about where I am. To be alone in a small beach town…go for a walk along the beach vendors and see a familiar face. This is actually typical. Everywhere I go….I see myself, lol…that was a We are All One pun!!! But Ya….seriously not kidding. Walked out of my hostel yesterday and there, by the ocean, right outside my hostel…was the healer…..doing qigong!!!! In fact…..we knew about him but knew he was leaving the country soon and thought we’d missed our chance but when I met up with Summer at the market….after leaving Awakening Soul, we saw Bastion and Nila from ayahuasca days and they were headed to Dominical…..where I was headed….to see Ophir the healer!!! Spirit always has perfect timing. 
Now that I’ve been away for sooooo long from food that tastes good…..I can taste things. Like right now, I ducked into a restaurant for lunch when a few sprinkles hit and the sandwich came with fries. Me tastes sugar in the fries!!! Not supposed to eat fries unless cooked in coconut oil, but when eating out Ya take what’s available. That’s the best part… The worst part aside from the skeeters is the death on the roads. Pancaked frogs and crabs litter the dirt roads like crumpled paper. Ha!!! The locals are saying hey to me now!!! God I love this place!!! Walking now as I type to a  date of sorts. Ya. I’m married. Not that kind. Just a hang out, talk about ayahuasca and the pura vida lol!!!! Lol and of course… He’s friends with Ophir the healer!!! 
This whole thing….Costa Rica… has been a huge exercise in trust!  Being alone in a country…a town….hanging out and becoming a local…the winding mountain roads without gripping the floor and door, walking down a mountain….absolutely is trust and courage. It always comes down to the ayahuasca now…I did that….with many protectors…..I can do anything! Well….big words. Ha. So, I had fun and we walked the beach a bit then hung out with his friends who were camping and created a beautiful home. Taking advantage of the tree structure and recycling palm branches and rocks. Friggin adorable. I think however, that for me it was a friend date and for him it felt like it was a ….I’ll take friend for now but I’m hoping for more….kind of thing. Very nice guy but I’m married and even if I weren’t…I am celibate. But….I trusted and I did Another thing I wouldn’t normally have done. What box???? Lol. Ok. Well the Mosquitos are vicious tonight and I’m scratching every second in every direction as I say goodnight and signing off at Cool Vibes Hostel in Dominical, Costa Rica. Haha….I AM!!!

Leaving Florestral….

As I ponder leaving this magical land dedicated to the teachings of the mystery…..ayahuasca, I am reminded of the words Mystery School. I feel as if I’ve been sought out by spirit, and led to one of the greatest of Mystery Schools. Invited. Invited by God. To me, that’s an acknowledgment or a pat on the back…..a reward for hard work of the spirit. Considering the severity of and the deepness of these teachings, it sounds funny to say I’m honored, yet I am. Only the truly courageous do this medicine and only the really truly courageous do it a 2nd time and a 3rd and so on. It does get better and it does get easier but if you haven’t the guts to keep going….you won’t see the mystery prize. It will pass you right by. Endurance and spiritual dedication is required. 

All over the globe people are discovering and being invited to these mystery schools, yet I feel for some, that are experiencing the medicine only. With no guidance or proper Pacha Mama surroundings. They are an integral part in my opinion. How can you truly be shown the connection….without being IN the connection??? The people here at Sound of Light have realized this and are on pristine jungle lands. Sacred…you can feel it. It is a full experience. Complete with mosquitos  for the irritant factor and community to develop your sharing skills. I saw a man arrive with many people issues. He learned to share space, to share himself and to have compassion for others. A free gift from Grandmother Ayahuasca. From helping in the kitchen, to sitting the baby up when he’s fallen over, soothing a crying child, watering veggies….all manner of ways to contribute…teaches harmony and patience. You don’t get that from a bottle of it in a hotel room. Nor do you get Vismay (Oz, the All Powerful)….who carries a sword at his side in a beautiful leather sheath….the wing of an eagle is his sword, for sweeping and cutting energetic ties. Spirits as well. He’s a Shaman of a different type. He is able to carry many on his back. I have no doubt that he could assist the hardest of cases. I know this because I feel I myself am one of those…hardest of cases. My traumatic past and my depression tortured mind of late…were babies, cradled tenderly in his hands. 
And Nicole, (the Rock)…who is so connected that she always shows up when you’re having a struggling moment. She arrives, sits next to you, begins energy work and doesn’t move a muscle….like a rock, she sits…she prays….despite the bugs biting left and right…she doesn’t move until she’s done helping and comforting you. Tough. Spirit tough. And the little mother…. Shahaf did the medicine during her pregnancy and even the birth! Imagine!!! I’ve never seen such naturalness to motherhood in my life. It’s beautiful to witness and a privilege not given to many. Haha, this year however, quite a few saw…as 70-80 people arrived after the Envision Festival, for ceremony! That’s a lot of space to hold! A lot of people’s well being….in their hands. They are worthy and capable. I’m so honored to have been invited by God to THEIR school of life. To their Ayahuasca. To this valley. To this healing. My healing. Even if the liver is not healed from Grandmother Aya, the healing of the mind is much more impressive to me. Seriously impressive! 


There were many awesome people who I went on this adventure with. Two will stand out in my mind more than the others. One is Bastion, the NeverEnding StoryTeller. His humor and sense of play were contagious. I even had the courage to ask him to help me learn the drum….after he put a rattle in my hand! Bastion was the laugh bringer and every adventure needs that! The other…is my sweet daughter who I became so close to it felt like she was my other half. Hand in hand…giggle by giggle. She was there for me and I for her as much as could be, considering my newness to the Ayahuasca. My wise one. My precious little girl…all grown up and leading me. 


Talking about the medicine and the people, the land….all is part of this Ayahuasca experience but it’s incomplete without mention of the beings who live in the jungle. The jungle forest. I saw more lizards than I could count and was guarded by a salamander for all of my outdoor vision quest moments. I called her Grandmother cuz she always arrived with a leap if I couldn’t find her, and I needed her…which was everytime I could lift my head to find her! I needed her…and she always came. Even that last day that we went back for one more drink just at dark. Somehow scarier without having lain there through the day to acclimate to the jungle sounds. The rattle of the leaf as a lizard runs by. The blue heron who flew just over my head day one, the blue morphs seen from distances, or the one who sat on Summers 3rd eye awhile. The hummingbirds who came when mindcalled, fireflies who blinked to Spirits will to help me decide things, the frog who sat on the Goddess’s head or the monkey…seen only by one. We hear them though!!! My friends…the animals, the insects…and my not so nice visitors….the mosquito who bit on top of bites….creating a polkadot Mama! They bring the teaching of… Strength and patience of the mind. And don’t forget spider who teaches the food circle and the shortness of life. To enjoy life while you still have breath. I STILL have breath. Lots of it! I have indeed Turned Dying into Living…the possible book I’ve been writing since I heard those prophetic words…you are dying. Nearly one year ago!!!! I AM Living. 


Doing Ayahuasca is like going to church. The finest church I’ve ever been to. Finer than any palace can be made. No steeple is as tall as ayahuasca and no bell dings as loud as a hummingbird buzzing in your mind….saying….wake up! Wake up!!! This is what the world is really like! This is what the world is really for and this is how the world is really meant to be experienced…instead of…the societal norm. Enemy of freedom and peace. So..goodbye Sound of Light. Goodbye soul circle of family. Goodbye Grandmother Ayahuasca, I’ll be feeling you in my body and meeting with you again one day. Thankyou for calling me. Goodbye Florestral forest.  Thank you for calling me. Thank you for healing me. I shall RETURN. Signing off for NOW at Florestral!  Or Google….Sound of Light. 

Hummingbird realm….

I know you’re all waiting with bated breath for the story of my salvation. You didn’t know however that it was a salvation story. You were thinking medicine. Healing. What was healed, saved, however, was my soul. It was lifted from the muck and mire of life. Life as we thought we knew it. Life as society told us, as it turned us. I’m not sure that it was healed though. Possibly the beginning of a healing as it hasn’t been truly tested yet. What would test it? Society as is known in the US. Society bah humbug. Society as ruled by the higher ups. How do you save the planet??? You have everyone take the sacred medicine. The terrorists, the country leaders, the rulers, the middle guy, the poor guy and the homeless guy.         

We began the vision quest with songs around the fire, our intentions put into the fire….then we drank. Out of a shot glass…. thick, brown, horribly tasting Grandmother’s teachings in a swallow. Then we went to our chosen spaces. Mine was very close to the fire circle and was very close to Irish and the Rabbi. No, not a rabbi…just nicknames. Right next to the river so I could hear the rushing water, but laying down mostly so I couldn’t see it. The jungle sounds competed with the river in the symphony. 
I lay in my space on a mattress and just felt so sick. No visions again and I perceived nothing was happening. I refused the 3rd cup and had NO intentions of starting again come morning. By the time it wore off, I talked myself into staying another day. It rained. We threw the mattresses into a pile and spent the night in the temple. Imagine….rain in the rain forest. Lol. Come morning I did indeed try again. No mattresses now. Still nothing recognizable as a vision. I saw faces of Grandmother everywhere I looked but that’s not new for me. No snakes except for the ones I brought in myself with my fears. On that 2nd day, a salamander appeared. It was Grandmother. She stayed with me the entire time. If I couldn’t see her, I did an intake of breath….and she would fly from where ever she’d been to land on the vine in front of me. Thank you. She gave me great comfort. I felt ill but never purged. I tried to take photos but it was too hard. Too hard to reach, to sit up, to find, to lift the iPhone, I was melting. I was wax. Wax melting. Wax melting into the earth. I realized I was a slice of life and you could peel me up like a page and roll me up. Take me anywhere if you just rolled me up. 


I was dehydrated. We’d done sweat lodge 2 nights earlier and I couldn’t replenish my water cuz I can’t drink while drinking ayahuasca. I was very weak. Then he gave us Mombasa medicine. Designed to shake things up. Empty out the pockets so to speak. I finally realized I had not yet reached any levels. I was so blocked. But, I was saturated so I only took half a cup. Rain again. Back to the temple. A blood curdling scream….a scary vision but the only one that happened the whole time. Poor dear. Jewish lady. But wow!!!!! Did the medicine wake her up!!!! Shake her up!!! Freed her!!! 
Day 3. A very expensive medicine cooked in Peru. I was rather afraid of it. Needn’t be. On that day, I became a child. I became a fairy. And even an angel, according to Irish. I was part of his experience and he saw me as an angel. We tickled the group with our endless giggles and mother daughter views, rather backwards….this was the child leading the mother by the hand. At the river, I once again swam naked. The whole river was naked. It was as it should be. I saw my footprint on a rock and saw that I had shrunk to a child. I was a child. I couldn’t dress myself. How to get a skirt on??? Or a dress on? Many helped which caused more giggles. I was stuck. Most likely due to the fact that there was now a new hole they were trying to put my arm through. It’s ok though, it fits with my new path. You’ll see. We were very fulfilling for the others…a mother and daughter doing sacred ayahuasca. Everyone expressed their wish that their mom would come. The young Canary Islands Lady who said I inspired her said that during vision quest, she felt me with the hummingbirds and as a fairy. She did not participate. But she felt us…felt me. 
The young Israeli soldier who had enough of war and was doing aya instead…almost stopped as well. Neither one of us were gonna go back that 2nd day but we did. And we both took it to the beautiful end….sorta. We both said no to the very last cup….at the river…at dark…3rd cup of the day. Jeeze….took me alllllll day to get sober and you want me to take more??? Ha!!! 
The camaraderie, the togetherness, the suffering as one…..created family. But we were also shown with the medicine that we were family. I spent almost all of my medicine time in the hummingbird realm. Who knew there was such a thing??? I was taken care of so gently, so sweetly, so lovingly by Grandmother. She carried me. She rocked my cradle and sang to me with the animals voices. I discovered my natural state. Happy. I was born happy. I won’t leave her now that I’ve found her. We shall see what that looks like. But it’s simple to me. Black and white and all colors…..I won’t go back to the sad me. If I do…I will wither and die. Like a fragile flower. A baby flower. A baby flower fairy. 
And that my friends….was worth all I went through. All we went through. We all got what we needed, each as a different perspective of the whole. The Goddess received the motherly sensual gifts, the soldier…got his heart back, Irish got community and the gift of giving and sharing, the Rabbi got the next steps for his path, ninja iguana got business ideas, Bastion the performer got new songs for an album, Italy feels she got a death reprieve, and even Vismay received some changes. We all raced the race and we all won!!! 
The hummingbirds seem to come if I call them in my mind now. What a gift. 3 days in a row, I called and within minutes, she arrived…in the cabin!!! A sweat lodge with peyote a day later, beach yesterday, and today….again……medicine. Back to our spaces at 3pm for one closing drink. It takes 3-4 hours to cycle through the body then…..the closing ceremony in the temple with the rest of the visitors. More drink. I’m exhausted so not sure how I feel about that but it came to me that I need more clarity regarding my future Now’s so I shall drink with joy tonight……and the Columbian Shaman thing is tomorrow. Not sure I’m gonna do that though. Then back to the mountain on Thursday for cleansing. I’d rather save that money but my daughter is adamant that I heal first …….then find a way to continue. 
The bottom line of this medicine….that I can see, is that it works in layers. Therefore it is my opinion that multiple ceremonies are needed in order to get to the depths. Let’s just say….I’ve barely just begun. I would like to invite the world leaders to come next spring for vision quest of their own. Obama, Putin….Israel, Palestine, Iran……come. See your Gods. Get new life instructions. A new summit. Come. As for the rest of you…save your money….be brave. You can do it and it’s amazingness is unparalleled. Rise to the challenge and I DO….CHALLENGE YOU!!!!! There is an unborn baby that will beat you to it….this baby will drink tonight and most likely will not suffer the teachings of society as we have…awake at birth….no darkness to shake. Viva la Medicina!!!! Come. 

Vision Quest begins….

Funny. I’m about to go into silence and solitaryness for 3 days…..yet I’m feeling a wee bit antisocial. It’s nearly 11am and I’m still in my room. My room is a shared room. 6 beds. I’m thinking about the solitary space. Will we sit on the earth which means leaves, twigs, stones…or will we have a mattress and blankets and pillows? The vision quest gods must look down upon us gringos thinking…and laughing…”get down with your bad selfs!!!!” Or “oh look…it’s the princes and the peas!!!” Speaking of Princess and the Peace, I told Grandmother last night after ceremony that I recognized she was too young to be called grandmother so I gave her a new name. Yes of course I did. Since she’s the queen of vines….Vivinia. Hmmm, but Vivivia is funner to say. Oh, and I keep saying in the woods. 3 days in the woods. Wrong. That’s 3 days in the rainforest jungle!!! Literally IN it. 



Could you do it? Could you sit in a 6×4 space for 3 days and nights without speaking, while being in the dark with the bugs you can’t see cuz it’s dark like the red ants? And the sounds? The myriad and multitudes of tropical bird and bug and monkey roar sounds???? Oh wait!!!!!! Add in one of the most psychotropic drugs on the planet!!!!! All you want, the bar is open! 4 different brews. One brewed in Peru and one in Brazil to boot…and 2 brewed here last week. I hear one is very strong. A young oriental looking young man was here for Saturday nights ceremony and he wanted to leave. Too much. Too hard. They said, look at her, she’s gonna do the vision quest too!!! He looked shocked and bowed his head to me. Reminds me of the sweat on Sept 11……when the man couldn’t hack the sweat and asked to be let out in the middle of Round 2!!!! I went all 5!!!!! Another gal here tells me I’m her inspiration. When she feels weak she looks at me and knows it’s nothing but a thing. Yay!!!! 


The pain however….is more than a thing. The weather pain. Seems to be strong here in Costa Rica and it kept me pinned down at the temple all day yesterday alone…so I didn’t have to go up then back down but in the end the sweat lodge didn’t happen…so I shuffled on up. Oh ya. The 3rd ceremony. Well, one purge and some visions but not what I expected. Very strange things float by. Like teeth for me. Smiling teeth. I have an entire upper teeth thingy screwed in with titanium screws. Hummingbirds too, liquidy….without form. Some were holding me, like their bodies were my bed. Like we were one, melding between ourselves. Hmmmm. Guess I did get an insight after all cuz I’ve truly always had a hard time with the We are all One thingy. I get it now. See, yay for blogging! Haha, for me, otherwise known as…journaling. I just let the whole world peep at my journal. 
Haha!!! Look who’s here in my Selfie!!
I’m beginning to understand the medicine now. Not so scary but it’s still very hard. It takes about 3 hours to really kick in then wham! And that’s about the time you’re getting the 2nd cup. 2nd cup, 2nd cup….oh hurry up puke, it’s time for 2nd cup!!! Nope. 10 min after drinking…. Here comes the black grunge. The toxins pulled out of your body by Vivivia! Lol, Ayahuasca!!!! Black or red. So….I had to take a 3rd cup. But tonight and for 3-4 days and nights…constant ayahuasca. Many many drinks. Don’t worry. If I have a problem, I’ll stop. But as far as the question…could you do it? Well, I don’t know. I’m certainly gonna give it my best go. 
Have I told you about my bed buddies? Very large spiders living above our heads. They each have many meals lined up. Everytime I tried to take a photo, I spun so bad I had to consciously fall to land on the mattress. It seems I’m a bit weak, lol. Now I’m rethinking the whole thing. Now, after I’ve finally received enough money from caring friends. Well, close. I received $258 and the price we talked him into is $444. So I have enough. But should I? I’m weighing it. After all, I just told you if there was a problem I’d stop. Dunno. Headache creepin. We shall see. Summer has filled me with pipa water(coconut) and a bit also with added spirulina. Had a few bites of food…..oh for some food I like!!!!!!! One day!!!!!! Different spices, different vegetables. I did enjoy a bit of chicken at the seashore though!!!! And ice!!!! Ice in my drink!!!! And the best chocolate ice cream ever at the nearby soda. (Tiny food stand). Oh, and the chocolate and banana smoothies!!!! I thought of Elvis, yum. I eat things I like once in great whiles here and believe me, I relish it!!!! My daughter is a hard taskmaster because she wants her mama around. Our tension…food. 
Well folks, as of right now, I plan to go ahead. The sweat was changed to tonight and the vision quest begins in the morning. Better I guess so we can get accustomed to the spaces….being in them. Hope I don’t chicken out. Lizard just told me to go ahead and in case it was a salamander, it said comfort in the dark,….so equally fitting. I won’t be right next to Summer…by its very name, vision quest suggests solitaryness. Yikes. Yum! I got to eat the heels off a mango! Sugar fix! I guess I’m a bit apprehensive about this one. So intensive!!! Anyway…headed down soon. Guess I should sign off at Florestral….. Prayers welcome if Ya feel called!!! Loving you…loving me. 

Back in Grandmothers arms…

Before we arrived at SOL, I was advised not to do the first ceremony. It was a Santo Daime Cura ceremony with strict protocols Andy few thought it best if I just skipped it and then did a typical SOL ceremony the next night. Upon arrival my excitement grew to the point I really wanted to go…to do both! As we lay down for a few hours before ceremony started, I was praying like crazy. Covering all my bases. Putting energetic shields up, putting violet and other flames up wayyyy early, cuz I now knew what a Cura ceremony meant!!!! Besides world healing and individual healing, it was also to assist any spirits stuck in the astral realm….to help them find the light to move on. Souls can attach themselves to you in this type event more so than the average ceremony, so I wanted to be good and protected!!!!! Of course I wanted to help any stuck folks….but I was allowed to be wary and protective!!!! 

So…I’m laying on the bed and suddenly I feel it. I feel the chicken in me surfacing. Fear. That durn thing that follows me around. I was indeed chickening out. So. I prayed. I prayed hard to Grandmother and asked if I should participate tonight and the immediate green flash of the firefly gave me my answer. Yes. A very definite yes. Figured I best share that part lest y’all think I was all courage, no hesitation. When you get an answer that clear….you do it. Fear or no fear. 
Remember how I was sayin I needed a do anything ceremony? To force, retrain, allow my body to be able to express itself in any way it wanted at any time it wanted. Like sing out loud or pretend out loud or twirl if I wanted…you know….to be free! Well!!!! I haven’t had that ceremony yet but during the Aya ceremony, I noticed it was somewhat happening. I was having to sing in close proximity to others, dance, vomit out loud, and even diarrhea in an outhouse. Vomiting is a very loud event ye know. A real event. Thing is….I wasn’t alone. We were All having to puke out loud and sing n dance. We all had to be vulnerable together. It was a beginning. Tonight at the beach, Summer was twirling like a Sufi. I wanted to but that THING in me wouldn’t let me!!! I was frozen in place as usual. No!     No no no!!! So….I twirled! Ha, then I went the other way and nearly puked! Lol, but I did it…..sorta. I did step back a bit to be outtA view some of the other beach goers. But….still….I did it. I overcame a fear. It may still be there but for this day…I stepped beyond it. That my friends, is courage. I’ve been doing some of that lately. ;=)). 
While we were there, so many people said they wished their mom would come with them! It was kinda a mind blower that a mother daughter duo had arrived to do ayahuasca! I had the walking stick that had been divinely created right before I needed it, and it saved me!!! It got me down that one mountain, then up and down this one. It’s still with me, that walking stick of awesomeness! Oh Lordie…I’ll be back tomorrow going up and down! I bet it takes me a good half hour to an hour at least to go up. With my trusty stick. So Ya!!!! Even 53 year old women with 3rd stage liver disease and HepC can do ayahuasca and walk up n down mountains to do it! Haha, she can even beg for funds to do so. Go figure. 
I feel changed. In subtle ways deep
under the skin. Way deep. Like it’s ok to drop off my history now. Done, gone, no biggie….see ya. They are sliding off me and as I do more ceremonies, the onion layer of me, shall fall off. The society layer, the education system layer, the I Can’t layer, the Pity me layer and on and on. On down to specifics. Specific memories no longer needed…cleansed on a grand scale. My insight on Saturday was brought on, spurred by a song my daughter was singing….wash me away. The unnecessary parts are now….walking away. It’s a beautiful thing. Speaking of beautiful things….after that night was done, and we were released to do whatever, we went to the river. I swam naked!!!! Me!!!! Lol, one white white thing in the water!!!! Not only did I swim naked but I sat on a rock naked too!!! Haha…and next to a naked man!!! Good Lordie gracious me. While down there, I saw a blue butterfly!!! Was it a blue morpho? I dunno. But it was very blue so I’m gonna say Ya! Maybe I saw…was gifted with the sight of….a blue morpho which was on my intention list. But before that, a blue Heron flew right over my head, missing by inches!!!!! Yes!!! Another gift!! Oh, and as I listened to the jungle wake up!! Yes, I finally got to do that!!!! And it is a very beautiful song. A symphony actually. Then….I got to see the first strokes of paint as God placed them in the sky. His first touch of the canvas for the day, tiny little baby clouds all strung in a row. Their births as fresh as me. 
In the past, I’ve had no rhythm. (First typed as: I have no rhythm….as you can see, I’m changing how I speak to myself!!!)….but I want to learn some. I want to beat the drum. I’m beginning with shakers I guess. What I have access to. Finally getting sleepy. Checkout at 10, bus at 2. Not sure if I gotta carry heavy backpack a mile or if we can get taxi. See, bus means long waits in sun, long far carries of heavy backpack and then a wait to be picked up. Taxi saves all that but that’s $40. It’s not cheap here. Night night from Flutterby House. 11:35pm = 1= beginnings!!!!
Trying to juggle ceremonies with $$$, logistics, conflicting times and schedules of others is the agenda right now. Not enough money to do all the things I want and need so am
juggling. Therefore, I cannot exactly tell you the plans as they shall evolve. Go figure…I’m now living in the moment!!! 
And true enough…the cacao ceremony has been cancelled. Postponed. We took the bus from the beach to San Christobal and Vismay picked us up from there. Back in the jungle again although there is still jungle at the beach complete with howler monkey howls but not as strong of a jungle feel or sound. Not like here. Deep jungle. Both are home to Mosquitos, for certain. My ankles are raw from scratching and burned in the salty ocean. 
Will be chatting soon to see if it’s ok for me to do more aya. The cost is more than I can afford so I’m hoping to just do one or 2 of the grandmother ceremonies and at least one of the peyote and sweat lodge. And the conversation has been had. He’s willing to work with us at a discounted rate, even though this medicine is more costly than usual. YeeHaw!!! Some of the people from Awakening Soul are possibly coming here for the last ceremony which would be an even deeper bond. There are many intentional community farms here to choose from should one decide to stay. Some you buy into, some you commit to a certain time frame to work and see if it’s for sure for you. There’s even a cacao plantation in the works but it could still be in dream/planning phase, not sure. But anyway….. The deal has been struck. Half price. The part at the river is done in silence for 3 days with as much or as little medicine as we each want with the goal of pushing the edge. Rather like a traditional Native American vision quest except we won’t be alone. Then again, neither ate they…someone stays and hides, watching to protect. He suggests sticking it out even if I at some point cease the medicine. And I haven’t said so yet but I’ve been so looking forward to trying the peyote and I finally get to!!! I am blessed!!! All this medicine…for me!!!! 
I just faced my shyness and did my first helping in a community kitchen! I cut up a pumpkin!!!! More to come! I can do this.  Oh ya…Summer thought it was odd that I told y’all about my insight to love myself then telling you I needed this medicine to save my life. Not odd at all. One insight…albeit a huge special one….is not enough to conquer a lifetime of suicidalness. Just gimme a foundation to stand on. I will stand. 
So… looks like I’m in for the whole shebang. This whole 7 day event then the Columbian medicine too immediately after. Sounds like I’m about to be quite experienced at this. And imagine!!!!! Me…silent for 3 days!!! Your prayers will be very welcome. Here’s the rundown: normal ceremony tonight, sweat w/peyote tomorrow, 3 days n nights in silence at the river in our own spaces, then sweat/peyote, then normal ceremony that may have our AS friends as well. Then a hitch to the homefarm for the Columbian, who does it a different way and with different medicines added. FOR ALL THE PEOPLE WHO SAID THEY AREN’T BRAVE ENOUGH…,you CAN!!!! I can…you can! Much love sent to you all!!! Signing off at ;

Well, hello SUNSHINE!!!!

First, let me tell you what I know. Truly, just tiny blippets. Ayahuasca is a vine that grows in the Amazon jungle. If you combine this vine with a leaf that grows in another region, you get the drink. The medicine that allows you to do a bit of a reorg with your body and even soul. This jungle medicine changes molecules!!!! It is an adaptogen!!! My new favorite word. It means…the medicine will adapt to what is needed in each body. They say it would be easier to win the lottery than to accidentally stumble across this miraculous vine, therefore no need to doubt that it has been specifically released for us at this time on earth. This momentous time! I don’t remember which is which but one has DMT and the other has MAOI Inhibitors. Mind stuff. 

There are a few ways to do this mighty medicine. The traditional
way with a shaman specially trained, the United States I want it now any way I can get it method, the Santo Daime method which was brought to a man in the form of visions while on the brew. Brought by Mother Mary, it is a very strict method with a lot of standing, sitting, dancing and Very Specific Songs!!! …which is very hard to do while on the drink. It is the Jesus method. And then….there’s the Vismay method. Vismay, the owner of Sound of Light in Costa Rica, incorporates santo daime with traditional rainbow songs to bring a softer kind of experience. This is the method I chose. 
Before drinking, it is best to follow a dieta. No salt, no bruised bananas or other bruised fruits, cheese, alcohol, caffeine, spicy food, dairy, toxic food, fried food. It might reduce your visions. Or effect water retention therefore medicine retention.  2 days at very least. 
As of this moment I can only give you a glimpse into ayahuasca as experienced at Sound of Light, with Vismay. Many steps down to the bottom of the land, you arrive at the ceremony temple…a large circular open tent type structure. Twin mattresses are spaced apart with blankets n pillows. In the center is the main alter to allow only light in, then a circle of chairs is formed, then beds behind. 


The medicine has been cooking all day and night and is now a thick thick dark drink. Drink is given in a shotglass. Try not to make the faces and body shivers, thinking…I love you Grandmother ayahuasca!!! (Tastes like medicine…go figure). Return to your seat and the singing begins. The songs are there to anchor you, to give you something to find should you get caught up in the realms. Try as hard as you can…you’re tough….to keep the medicine down at least a half an hour!!! You don’t wanna drink more! 
They suggest you sit up and keep trying to get you to sit up but for you first timers, it turns out all first timers want to and do…lay down for the majority. At SOL, the night began maybe around 9pm and went about 12 hours. I was able to hold it down awhile. Had already requested bathroom helpers beforehand and they were there every single time I needed them! With toilet paper to wipe your mouth, to steady you because there is somewhat of an intoxicated feeling in the body. They hold your hand and say kind words while you are puking the most violent of biles. Purge tends to be black in color….imagine what it’s clearing out for you!!!!  I had quite a few purges that first night. Beware, it also affects the other end and liquid may need emptied from there as well! I prayed against that!!! YeeHaw! 
As I lay there, all miserable and swirling and thinking the medicine just wasn’t working on me, I’m shown in my head a few things about Sheri. Oh……I forgot some stuff!!! Before and during, call in your protection!!!’ Violet Flame, Archangel Michael and any others, Jesus, Mary…me, I also called on a legion of angels. Blue ray, green, pink, white as well as violet. And your personal guides and animal guides. Mine were jaguar, elephant, firefly, hummingbird, dolphin, oh jeeze…I forgot to call on unicorn!!! Also….before you begin, tell Grandmother your intentions. What is it you want her to help you with! I said healing and to find the girl I would have been had I not been so hurt in life. 
So…I’m laying there and I’m shown different things pointing to the fact that Sheri is reliable, Sheri is immensely obedient to God and the whisperings of Spirit! Sheri is kind and loves all animals and most people. She gives people chances and encourages and gives moral support. Sheri is a very very special
Being sent to earth and she is a top notch human. I remember delighting in the realizations of my worth. Her worth. 
Next, she shows me…..not all the incidents of pain inflicted by others, as expected, but instead….inflicted by me! I saw how awful I was to Sheri!!! I was a mean cruel bully and was extremely abusive!!!! In fact, I was so abusive to this body, this personality of Sheri, that next I was taken to the days of marital abuse with Bobby. Oh the pain of that!!!! Alas, no….the now pain of seeing that Bobby had to come….had to abuse me so horribly….for this moment to happen and for me to see that I was abusive to me. 
I saw myself as the abuser. I saw myself as the lovable one, the great one, the spiritually obedient one, the cosmic one. I then basically split off!!!! I am both. I now see me as two. Me and her. Me and Sheri….or to be grammatically correct, Sheri and I. I promised myself I wouldn’t hurt her anymore. I would live or not live…loving her. Length of life no longer mattered. Just quality. 
This insight is the grandest of gifts. The Kings purse so to speak. Love on top of love. This insight also spurred another. Bobby. Thank you Bobby!!!’ I loved you with all the intensity I needed to love me. It’s as if my lesson has wiped him clean. The memories of the horror and abuse from him are no longer remembered with horror or shame or sadness, instead…..with gratitude! My worst memories on earth……rekindled, reshaped, recreated and washed clean.  What a blessed GIFT!


There was one more. I have too many names and lately would get confused and hem n haw when asked my name. Literally not sure what to answer. I saw a flash of memory
of a name I was called a few times in the 80’s that made me smile each time…..yes!!!!! SUNSHINE!!!! Yes. Very happy name. So, I made it be so. Introducing to you…my new integration name….meet ME….Sunshine! (Also, when I went to my garden heartspace in my
Mind a few weeks ago, 2 year old Sheri(my inner child) was now a newborn and she had tiny wings!!!! So, Sunshine has been born!!!’ You can still call me Mama Sheri or Mama Feathers if you so desire. 
So….while I was having this major
breakthru, at the same time….I was being healed and changed and rewired on the inside. On night 2, my intention was healing, pineal gland cleansing and activation and third eye as well. The first night we drank twice, 2nd night we drank 3 times. On that 2nd night, puking galore but
no insights or visions. Internal body work only which can seem exasperating after paying good money. (Hoping she was busy on the 3rd eye and pineal!!!) Purge. Be grateful for the purge!!!!! Especially if you’ve been told you’re dying!!! All healing and cleansing helps!!’ So there it is!!! Come daylight, a prerecorded music set is put on to slowly wake the ones who succumbed to sleep. Fruit is eaten. Slowly the circle reforms and the singing begins again. The songs are beautiful and you will be singing disjointed lines for days and days! Especially upon morning wake. Grandmother stays with you now and continues her work. Then to the beautiful refreshing river after!!!! Because my depression is soooo bad, one insight, be it a masterpiece…is not enough for me so I’m returning to SOL for more. The Vision Quest..not in the round temple, but in the woods by the river in little rock lined oblong areas that look rather like graves craving a headstone. Haha….trying to figure in my mind, where the puking takes place. Could get tricky. Then…there will be a Curandero from Columbia a few days later doing traditional methods from that country….if we can get more money!!!!!! The medicine is never the same. Neither will the experience be. And inbetween these 2 time packed events of awesome exhaustion…will be my first cacao ceremony! Medicine of the Heart!!! And yes, it has an effect on body mind and spirit. Raw ye know. Not just raw but highest caliber cacao…turned into a bitter medicinal drink. Will need strength to do all this….then back to Awakening Soul for organ cleanses and coffee enemas for my liver. Jam packed healing. Any who can
Throw a bit of money my way would be deeply appreciated. Little low on funds. PayPal is.
Help me take it all the way!!! Just for info sake… It’s $2,000 a month at Awakening Soul and over a hundred for each ceremony. And yes….without the ceremony…..there’s no point in healing this depressed body who just wants to shoot itself and be done. I NEED THIS MEDICINE!!!!!
Help save my life! Sunshines life!!!! If
You’re happy and you know it..clap
Your hands!!! Clap clap too for PeterPan!!!
More stories to come as I walk this healing road here in Costa Rica….where Rainbow people come to play and settle. Gringos!!! 
The ocean is muy grande!!! Sunburn on my feet although I took extreme precautions, cuz who wants to be sunburned when about to do a vision quest!!!???? My destiny is fluttering in the wind….hearing an echo. We shall see just what that destiny will be. Bless you my fine friends. Thank you for reading. Thank you for supporting my work here and elsewhere. This blog is part of my work. If you enjoy it, please spare a dollar or a few. Gracias. Buenos Dia. Oh…my daughter is awesome and we are traveling with love. And…my son is taking such good care of the goats that the deaths door doe, Rosie, is well!!!! And the one we saved before, Thor, who crawled like a crab cuz his legs were bent and unable to straighten….healed!!!!! YeeHaw!!!!! So…signing off at Flutterby House Avita, Costa Rica!!!!