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Ancient Mother…

I’m not all elegant like the Goddess people. And I’m not all that sophisticated. Sophisticate. Sophie. Sophie the Original Mother…or one of them anyways. Quite a few Primordial Mothers out there really. I get it. Each time span…..thought of their life as the first….thus they wrote about it like that. Unless of course things were channeled back then too….which isn’t all that crazy considering they experienced burning bushes and booming voices from the sky. All signs of psychedelics. Reworking the brain. Cycle after cycle…eon after eon….until you’ve cycled through and or…figured it out and won the golden ticket. No, you don’t need the psychedelics….but you’ll surely need to stimulate your internal ones if you don’t want to take any. I was not under the influence of any outside medicines or stimulus when I received a CALL from God. Yikes. How embarrassing in this age of the microscope. It’s really not that big of a deal. He Calls on people all the time. IN fact, this wouldn’t be my first. It would be my 3rd. I gracefully and hilariously heeded those calls…and even this one at first. I did it…..then I removed it as if it never happened and I crawled inside a clam shell. I didn’t understand it. It was a surging. A passion that stirred me to swirly swirls and giddiness. A Mother. A Mother? There’s a Mother God? Truth be told….I’ve been whispering those words under my breath for six months now. And I believe they(Heavenly representatives)…. want me to represent Her?

 

But why? Since that time….I’ve learned there are many many women Called by The Mother. I tell myself there are so many…surely they don’t need me. Then I remind myself that I am the only me available, and possibly….my me-ness can open eyes where anothers can’t. What am I opening your eyes to? The Mother! The feminine. The idea that there is a difference….and it’s there for a reason!!! I also look at their choice of me…I didn’t get to raise either of my human children…yet I was still required to understand mothering, so God gave me animals. Goats. Oodles and oodles of goats. Along with birds, sheep, cows, horses, cats, and dogs. Nocturnal too…I carried a tiny sugar glider in my pocket for years like a kangaroo mama.  I learned every phase of life and every phase of mothering. Even the sacrifice of the lamb. She was dying and I couldn’t let her suffer. Middle of the night. The only tool available to end her suffering was my two tiny hands. Love. Mother Love. I already knew the biggest mother lesson. You sacrifice for them to have better. And that was a sacrifice because the vision is now in my heart… of the silencing of the lamb.

 

The Mother is resurging. Having a renaissance to pull Herself up from the chained treasure chest at the bottom of the seas. SHE is calling us. Pulsing through our bodies with sacred love. It’s a need. An ache. Mother. Mother. Mother may I? May I allow my childmind to curl up in your arms and sleep? May I rest in you? May I wake in you? May I feel your fire pulsing and pull it into me? May I tend the ache and stir the ashes….build the flame? Rise the passions within me so I can blow a gentle breeze under the wings of others? Remind them all that there is a feminine? That there IS another side. Deny all they want, but it only hurts and never helps. How can you balance the masculine and the feminine within you….if you don’t hold honor or respect or faith in the feminine? If there is honor, respect or faith in the masculine…then there must be honor, respect and faith in the feminine. That’s how you balance. A one sided scale is….broken. YES…it’s broken!!! You see, I understand it now. I understand the point. It took me a full half year to find the point. Research, study, quandary, questioning, seeking, asking, sorting, meditating, praying, demanding, screaming, indifference(for 2 seconds), and complete rehash on the mind seesaw. Tears, anger, fear, embarrassment, goofiness…..I felt all of these. In the end, it’s a simple request being asked of me, and others. What and how we go about this request…is the fun challenge for each to determine. When I first had this CALL, I was thrilled and giddy with excitement. What fun I could have teaching the world the goodness and juiciness of the women they’ve been overlooking and walking on for ages. How they could change the planet into utopia…if only they utilized their precious gems in the right fashion.(gems being the human minds and hearts).  If they cherished and expanded the worth and role of the feminine in all areas of creation and life…all would quickly see that the design is flawless….male AND female. It’s the players who can’t see all sides of the facets…that had doomed creation into a lopsided mess.

 

So here I am. Here we all are. Some are Goddesses. Some are Priestesses. I am neither. I am the Mother. Crone version. I always saw myself in white flowy gowns with flower wreaths in my hair. My vision was off. I am………….a rainbowfied hippyfied crone mama wearing flowy color and sass. This is that big thing I was so scared of as a child! What’s to be scared of? This is me….telling you….there is a Mother God that has been written out of history!!!  I’m here to help write her back in. Told you I was here to save the world!!!  Haha….change it anyway! There….see? Done! Not so hard after all. So……………just call me Mama!  Haha…or Mamafeathers or MamaSheri or MamaWillow or Mama Pluma …..or Sunshine, Rose or Hope! As the world wakes to another Mothers Day…take a moment to think. The Father? With no Mother? Who birthed us? I am woman. It is in my soul to say…masculine without feminine is imperfection…thus it is NOT GOD. Do yourself a favor on this special day…look into it. Search out the ancient mother. Find her in all her glory. All HER many names. Nammu, Isis, Sophia, Ashera, Inanna, Hathor, The Holy Spirit, and probably maybe 50 more names…last but not least being Mary. Mother Mary. Many names…same energy. Same milk. Same tits. Same Love. Mary Mary quite contrary…how does your garden grow? With syrups and thorns and drops and storms. WILD. Wild woman…wild mother…wild child. Rewild…it does a body good. That….or Mothers Milk but you’d have to uncover a tit for that.

Grieving in Paradise…

There has been a suicide on the edges of my world. It’s certainly not the first, but it has affected me the hardest. Like a knife to the heart. It has torn through all my defenses and whisked me back into my old self…..my old world….my old pain. During this time in the history of this planet, we are being taken back into our pasts to wrap up any loose ends….to heal any old wounds still hovering. I guess you could say I have an old wound. I’ve done inner work about my mother issues, my family issues, being beaten; cheated on; told to die by my ex issues……but I forgot to deal with one teeny tiny little thing. My lack of commitment to LIFE. My TO LIVE OR NOT TO LIVE issues. I recently had a healing experience from a Grandmother Shaman. She said I had not yet committed to life. That made my head turn. A new perspective. Whammo…..she was right. I attempted suicide the first time at the ripe OLD age of 13. It was a few years earlier though, that I really checked out on myself. Just flew away. Threw all my spiritual gifts as far as I could fling them, and placed myself in purgatory. It was a world of depression, sadness, aching, need, despair and confusion. THAT…was my life.

 

Funny how life saying…ok…you wanna die? Die then!  ……..can change all that. I came to paradise to heal….with the hopes of healing my sadnesses as well. I’ve had success like a yoyo in that regard. The death thing is fine now….but the mind thing…..yimmy yammy of hell. In fact, I am about to do another jungle medicine to clear more muck from my mind. Actually, it’s not a new one…it’s just understood better. Jesus. People shouldn’t mess around with this stuff if they don’t know!!! Turns out……the KAMBO frog medicine…is more intricate than thought. Also….more capable!!! I witnessed the results of having kambo medicine done in a good way…with a shaman. I witnessed something so profound. I was in the presence of a woman…..and I felt….literally felt that she was different. Clean and shiny. I had spoken to her for ten minutes when suddenly….my spirit recognized it. So I thought yes…maybe the kambo can take away my sadness…..AND keep me alive against viruses and plagues. I was feeling the spirit of the chicken though…..fear was gripping me. After all….the chicken does get its head cut off. Real fear…..and this is a poisonous frog that has no predators!!!! And then……tragedy rippled all the way to Costa Rica. A young teen took her life. A friends daughter. I didn’t know her know her….but in a small way, I was in her world or she in mine. I saw her art. The occasional drawing she allowed her mother to post….all so deep….so so deep. The word reached me and it just hit me like a mountain. I thought of all the typical thoughts….oh God, you were so young! So beautiful!! So much talent! So deep….and as I was saying these things to this sweet dead young girl….I realized I could say them to myself too. I’m worthy to live too! So, I was catapulted down the rabbithole to find out if I did or did not want to live. I am still down here. Deciding. And deciding about the Kambo. It will be different this time. More. At least 3 times….in 3 days. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever CHOSEN to do……and I’m considering more?

 

I grieved hard again today, only to discover more death. So tragic. So many precious babies never took a breath lately here. Arms ready to hold after the long long wait…are empty. All these deaths are catapulting people into their new lives. Forever different. Death is a wisdom. A teacher. Grief is a teacher as well, without death.  I think that’s what we sads suffer from….grief. We are needing something in ourselves, and not finding it. Or, we had it and it was killed off. Even when we like ourselves every now and then, it’s like a façade. We wait for the better Me to arrive. It’s more painful than most physical pains, the pain of wanting to die. You see, it goes against life. Think about it. The body is built with an instinct to live. To survive. Our minds however, can override the autopilot.  If you get on a ride at a fair….you can’t get off till it’s done. If all you can think of is, I want off, get me off….it lasts so much longer, or seems to. Life: the teacher. I’m learning that if you Don’t want something real bad….you’ll get it. If you Really want something bad, you won’t get it. It’s about attachment. The need for desire. Take my bugs. The more I want a butterfly to come to me….the more it stays away. I am projecting need energy at the butterfly. It won’t want to come.  To get it to come…I need to match its energy. And that my friends, is a matter of deciding NOT to let it matter. Just let things be. Saying it and living it….sometimes not so easy.

 

Suicide is happening a lot these days. I see that there’s a meditation planned…a fancy one….to raise awareness for suicide. Just stop already. Everyone is aware! Instead, use the money you raise, to do things for people! Start things….to allow folks to express themselves, or to vent, or to shout about their pain. People can’t even tell anyone they are in pain cuz they’re afraid of the consequences. Doctors, hospitals, mental stays. We can’t even talk about it. Not real helpful. The whole world needs to shift. This young girls choice has shifted me. I don’t want to make that choice. I will choose life. I CHOOSE LIFE. It took me 54 years to say that. Blessings to you sweet child. I am so so sorry for your pain.  I wish….  I want to say thank you for helping me want to live. Thank you for teaching me that I do. Thank you for your courage in expressing your pain through art. Thank you for reaching. Thank you for all the days you DID stay on the planet!!! I honor you sweet one…..AND…I honor your journey. All of it. Every breath you breathed. Every ache and scream of your heart…and every smile. Every giggle, every twinkle of your eyes. Every tear and every art that poured out of your hands like blood in your veins. I honor your spirit. I honor you.

 

And as for the tiny babes…I honor you and your energy. I honor the dream of you. I honor the life you had with your sweet mother. I honor the stillness of your breath. Thank you for coming precious wee souls. I saw you!!! You are beautiful! Every soul who knew of you…..honors you. Blessings.

Signing off in Costa Rica where the leaf litter mushrooms are finally arriving….in spits and spurts, I’ve saved some critters (2 just today)and lost some, and it’s sweater time in the evenings now cuz of the rains. PS…my friend, should you see this…my heart cries for you and if you should need insight into a brain that works in this manner….I’m here for you.

 

the Sweet…

Honey. The golden nectar. The SWEET. In the SWEET, by and by. The bee cannot produce honey without a comb to put it in. The tree cannot teach its young what it means to fall, if it does not fall. The water cannot crash without rocks to crash onto. The heart cannot break without having loved. Love cannot break, it has an endless supply of hearts to refill itself. Hunger cannot exist without desire. The sun cannot give warmth if there is nothing to receive it.

If I pray the dolphins are never harmed, the girl who hears of the tragedy of Taijii would never overcome her fears and hermitousness to go help the dolphin. If there weren’t people killing lions and bragging about it, then there wouldn’t be people dedicating their lives to protecting the lions. One cannot exist without the other. The water drop…………must have a floor to hit when it falls or it never feels itself land. Never feels itself splat!!! Never chokes on the feel of the water crashing onto itself. Without dry….the waterdrop would cease………..and would become a part of the water. A part of the mass. Undestinguishable now. Your individual raindropy fragrance has blended and you are now the smell of………………….OCEAN. The coat of many colors. The house of many mansions.