Vision Quest begins….

Funny. I’m about to go into silence and solitaryness for 3 days…..yet I’m feeling a wee bit antisocial. It’s nearly 11am and I’m still in my room. My room is a shared room. 6 beds. I’m thinking about the solitary space. Will we sit on the earth which means leaves, twigs, stones…or will we have a mattress and blankets and pillows? The vision quest gods must look down upon us gringos thinking…and laughing…”get down with your bad selfs!!!!” Or “oh look…it’s the princes and the peas!!!” Speaking of Princess and the Peace, I told Grandmother last night after ceremony that I recognized she was too young to be called grandmother so I gave her a new name. Yes of course I did. Since she’s the queen of vines….Vivinia. Hmmm, but Vivivia is funner to say. Oh, and I keep saying in the woods. 3 days in the woods. Wrong. That’s 3 days in the rainforest jungle!!! Literally IN it. 



Could you do it? Could you sit in a 6×4 space for 3 days and nights without speaking, while being in the dark with the bugs you can’t see cuz it’s dark like the red ants? And the sounds? The myriad and multitudes of tropical bird and bug and monkey roar sounds???? Oh wait!!!!!! Add in one of the most psychotropic drugs on the planet!!!!! All you want, the bar is open! 4 different brews. One brewed in Peru and one in Brazil to boot…and 2 brewed here last week. I hear one is very strong. A young oriental looking young man was here for Saturday nights ceremony and he wanted to leave. Too much. Too hard. They said, look at her, she’s gonna do the vision quest too!!! He looked shocked and bowed his head to me. Reminds me of the sweat on Sept 11……when the man couldn’t hack the sweat and asked to be let out in the middle of Round 2!!!! I went all 5!!!!! Another gal here tells me I’m her inspiration. When she feels weak she looks at me and knows it’s nothing but a thing. Yay!!!! 


The pain however….is more than a thing. The weather pain. Seems to be strong here in Costa Rica and it kept me pinned down at the temple all day yesterday alone…so I didn’t have to go up then back down but in the end the sweat lodge didn’t happen…so I shuffled on up. Oh ya. The 3rd ceremony. Well, one purge and some visions but not what I expected. Very strange things float by. Like teeth for me. Smiling teeth. I have an entire upper teeth thingy screwed in with titanium screws. Hummingbirds too, liquidy….without form. Some were holding me, like their bodies were my bed. Like we were one, melding between ourselves. Hmmmm. Guess I did get an insight after all cuz I’ve truly always had a hard time with the We are all One thingy. I get it now. See, yay for blogging! Haha, for me, otherwise known as…journaling. I just let the whole world peep at my journal. 
Haha!!! Look who’s here in my Selfie!!
I’m beginning to understand the medicine now. Not so scary but it’s still very hard. It takes about 3 hours to really kick in then wham! And that’s about the time you’re getting the 2nd cup. 2nd cup, 2nd cup….oh hurry up puke, it’s time for 2nd cup!!! Nope. 10 min after drinking…. Here comes the black grunge. The toxins pulled out of your body by Vivivia! Lol, Ayahuasca!!!! Black or red. So….I had to take a 3rd cup. But tonight and for 3-4 days and nights…constant ayahuasca. Many many drinks. Don’t worry. If I have a problem, I’ll stop. But as far as the question…could you do it? Well, I don’t know. I’m certainly gonna give it my best go. 
Have I told you about my bed buddies? Very large spiders living above our heads. They each have many meals lined up. Everytime I tried to take a photo, I spun so bad I had to consciously fall to land on the mattress. It seems I’m a bit weak, lol. Now I’m rethinking the whole thing. Now, after I’ve finally received enough money from caring friends. Well, close. I received $258 and the price we talked him into is $444. So I have enough. But should I? I’m weighing it. After all, I just told you if there was a problem I’d stop. Dunno. Headache creepin. We shall see. Summer has filled me with pipa water(coconut) and a bit also with added spirulina. Had a few bites of food…..oh for some food I like!!!!!!! One day!!!!!! Different spices, different vegetables. I did enjoy a bit of chicken at the seashore though!!!! And ice!!!! Ice in my drink!!!! And the best chocolate ice cream ever at the nearby soda. (Tiny food stand). Oh, and the chocolate and banana smoothies!!!! I thought of Elvis, yum. I eat things I like once in great whiles here and believe me, I relish it!!!! My daughter is a hard taskmaster because she wants her mama around. Our tension…food. 
Well folks, as of right now, I plan to go ahead. The sweat was changed to tonight and the vision quest begins in the morning. Better I guess so we can get accustomed to the spaces….being in them. Hope I don’t chicken out. Lizard just told me to go ahead and in case it was a salamander, it said comfort in the dark,….so equally fitting. I won’t be right next to Summer…by its very name, vision quest suggests solitaryness. Yikes. Yum! I got to eat the heels off a mango! Sugar fix! I guess I’m a bit apprehensive about this one. So intensive!!! Anyway…headed down soon. Guess I should sign off at Florestral….. Prayers welcome if Ya feel called!!! Loving you…loving me. 

Back in Grandmothers arms…

Before we arrived at SOL, I was advised not to do the first ceremony. It was a Santo Daime Cura ceremony with strict protocols Andy few thought it best if I just skipped it and then did a typical SOL ceremony the next night. Upon arrival my excitement grew to the point I really wanted to go…to do both! As we lay down for a few hours before ceremony started, I was praying like crazy. Covering all my bases. Putting energetic shields up, putting violet and other flames up wayyyy early, cuz I now knew what a Cura ceremony meant!!!! Besides world healing and individual healing, it was also to assist any spirits stuck in the astral realm….to help them find the light to move on. Souls can attach themselves to you in this type event more so than the average ceremony, so I wanted to be good and protected!!!!! Of course I wanted to help any stuck folks….but I was allowed to be wary and protective!!!! 

So…I’m laying on the bed and suddenly I feel it. I feel the chicken in me surfacing. Fear. That durn thing that follows me around. I was indeed chickening out. So. I prayed. I prayed hard to Grandmother and asked if I should participate tonight and the immediate green flash of the firefly gave me my answer. Yes. A very definite yes. Figured I best share that part lest y’all think I was all courage, no hesitation. When you get an answer that clear….you do it. Fear or no fear. 
Remember how I was sayin I needed a do anything ceremony? To force, retrain, allow my body to be able to express itself in any way it wanted at any time it wanted. Like sing out loud or pretend out loud or twirl if I wanted…you know….to be free! Well!!!! I haven’t had that ceremony yet but during the Aya ceremony, I noticed it was somewhat happening. I was having to sing in close proximity to others, dance, vomit out loud, and even diarrhea in an outhouse. Vomiting is a very loud event ye know. A real event. Thing is….I wasn’t alone. We were All having to puke out loud and sing n dance. We all had to be vulnerable together. It was a beginning. Tonight at the beach, Summer was twirling like a Sufi. I wanted to but that THING in me wouldn’t let me!!! I was frozen in place as usual. No!     No no no!!! So….I twirled! Ha, then I went the other way and nearly puked! Lol, but I did it…..sorta. I did step back a bit to be outtA view some of the other beach goers. But….still….I did it. I overcame a fear. It may still be there but for this day…I stepped beyond it. That my friends, is courage. I’ve been doing some of that lately. ;=)). 
While we were there, so many people said they wished their mom would come with them! It was kinda a mind blower that a mother daughter duo had arrived to do ayahuasca! I had the walking stick that had been divinely created right before I needed it, and it saved me!!! It got me down that one mountain, then up and down this one. It’s still with me, that walking stick of awesomeness! Oh Lordie…I’ll be back tomorrow going up and down! I bet it takes me a good half hour to an hour at least to go up. With my trusty stick. So Ya!!!! Even 53 year old women with 3rd stage liver disease and HepC can do ayahuasca and walk up n down mountains to do it! Haha, she can even beg for funds to do so. Go figure. 
I feel changed. In subtle ways deep
under the skin. Way deep. Like it’s ok to drop off my history now. Done, gone, no biggie….see ya. They are sliding off me and as I do more ceremonies, the onion layer of me, shall fall off. The society layer, the education system layer, the I Can’t layer, the Pity me layer and on and on. On down to specifics. Specific memories no longer needed…cleansed on a grand scale. My insight on Saturday was brought on, spurred by a song my daughter was singing….wash me away. The unnecessary parts are now….walking away. It’s a beautiful thing. Speaking of beautiful things….after that night was done, and we were released to do whatever, we went to the river. I swam naked!!!! Me!!!! Lol, one white white thing in the water!!!! Not only did I swim naked but I sat on a rock naked too!!! Haha…and next to a naked man!!! Good Lordie gracious me. While down there, I saw a blue butterfly!!! Was it a blue morpho? I dunno. But it was very blue so I’m gonna say Ya! Maybe I saw…was gifted with the sight of….a blue morpho which was on my intention list. But before that, a blue Heron flew right over my head, missing by inches!!!!! Yes!!! Another gift!! Oh, and as I listened to the jungle wake up!! Yes, I finally got to do that!!!! And it is a very beautiful song. A symphony actually. Then….I got to see the first strokes of paint as God placed them in the sky. His first touch of the canvas for the day, tiny little baby clouds all strung in a row. Their births as fresh as me. 
In the past, I’ve had no rhythm. (First typed as: I have no rhythm….as you can see, I’m changing how I speak to myself!!!)….but I want to learn some. I want to beat the drum. I’m beginning with shakers I guess. What I have access to. Finally getting sleepy. Checkout at 10, bus at 2. Not sure if I gotta carry heavy backpack a mile or if we can get taxi. See, bus means long waits in sun, long far carries of heavy backpack and then a wait to be picked up. Taxi saves all that but that’s $40. It’s not cheap here. Night night from Flutterby House. 11:35pm = 1= beginnings!!!!
Trying to juggle ceremonies with $$$, logistics, conflicting times and schedules of others is the agenda right now. Not enough money to do all the things I want and need so am
juggling. Therefore, I cannot exactly tell you the plans as they shall evolve. Go figure…I’m now living in the moment!!! 
And true enough…the cacao ceremony has been cancelled. Postponed. We took the bus from the beach to San Christobal and Vismay picked us up from there. Back in the jungle again although there is still jungle at the beach complete with howler monkey howls but not as strong of a jungle feel or sound. Not like here. Deep jungle. Both are home to Mosquitos, for certain. My ankles are raw from scratching and burned in the salty ocean. 
Will be chatting soon to see if it’s ok for me to do more aya. The cost is more than I can afford so I’m hoping to just do one or 2 of the grandmother ceremonies and at least one of the peyote and sweat lodge. And the conversation has been had. He’s willing to work with us at a discounted rate, even though this medicine is more costly than usual. YeeHaw!!! Some of the people from Awakening Soul are possibly coming here for the last ceremony which would be an even deeper bond. There are many intentional community farms here to choose from should one decide to stay. Some you buy into, some you commit to a certain time frame to work and see if it’s for sure for you. There’s even a cacao plantation in the works but it could still be in dream/planning phase, not sure. But anyway….. The deal has been struck. Half price. The part at the river is done in silence for 3 days with as much or as little medicine as we each want with the goal of pushing the edge. Rather like a traditional Native American vision quest except we won’t be alone. Then again, neither ate they…someone stays and hides, watching to protect. He suggests sticking it out even if I at some point cease the medicine. And I haven’t said so yet but I’ve been so looking forward to trying the peyote and I finally get to!!! I am blessed!!! All this medicine…for me!!!! 
I just faced my shyness and did my first helping in a community kitchen! I cut up a pumpkin!!!! More to come! I can do this.  Oh ya…Summer thought it was odd that I told y’all about my insight to love myself then telling you I needed this medicine to save my life. Not odd at all. One insight…albeit a huge special one….is not enough to conquer a lifetime of suicidalness. Just gimme a foundation to stand on. I will stand. 
So… looks like I’m in for the whole shebang. This whole 7 day event then the Columbian medicine too immediately after. Sounds like I’m about to be quite experienced at this. And imagine!!!!! Me…silent for 3 days!!! Your prayers will be very welcome. Here’s the rundown: normal ceremony tonight, sweat w/peyote tomorrow, 3 days n nights in silence at the river in our own spaces, then sweat/peyote, then normal ceremony that may have our AS friends as well. Then a hitch to the homefarm for the Columbian, who does it a different way and with different medicines added. FOR ALL THE PEOPLE WHO SAID THEY AREN’T BRAVE ENOUGH…,you CAN!!!! I can…you can! Much love sent to you all!!! Signing off at ;

Well, hello SUNSHINE!!!!

First, let me tell you what I know. Truly, just tiny blippets. Ayahuasca is a vine that grows in the Amazon jungle. If you combine this vine with a leaf that grows in another region, you get the drink. The medicine that allows you to do a bit of a reorg with your body and even soul. This jungle medicine changes molecules!!!! It is an adaptogen!!! My new favorite word. It means…the medicine will adapt to what is needed in each body. They say it would be easier to win the lottery than to accidentally stumble across this miraculous vine, therefore no need to doubt that it has been specifically released for us at this time on earth. This momentous time! I don’t remember which is which but one has DMT and the other has MAOI Inhibitors. Mind stuff. 

There are a few ways to do this mighty medicine. The traditional
way with a shaman specially trained, the United States I want it now any way I can get it method, the Santo Daime method which was brought to a man in the form of visions while on the brew. Brought by Mother Mary, it is a very strict method with a lot of standing, sitting, dancing and Very Specific Songs!!! …which is very hard to do while on the drink. It is the Jesus method. And then….there’s the Vismay method. Vismay, the owner of Sound of Light in Costa Rica, incorporates santo daime with traditional rainbow songs to bring a softer kind of experience. This is the method I chose. 
Before drinking, it is best to follow a dieta. No salt, no bruised bananas or other bruised fruits, cheese, alcohol, caffeine, spicy food, dairy, toxic food, fried food. It might reduce your visions. Or effect water retention therefore medicine retention.  2 days at very least. 
As of this moment I can only give you a glimpse into ayahuasca as experienced at Sound of Light, with Vismay. Many steps down to the bottom of the land, you arrive at the ceremony temple…a large circular open tent type structure. Twin mattresses are spaced apart with blankets n pillows. In the center is the main alter to allow only light in, then a circle of chairs is formed, then beds behind. 


The medicine has been cooking all day and night and is now a thick thick dark drink. Drink is given in a shotglass. Try not to make the faces and body shivers, thinking…I love you Grandmother ayahuasca!!! (Tastes like medicine…go figure). Return to your seat and the singing begins. The songs are there to anchor you, to give you something to find should you get caught up in the realms. Try as hard as you can…you’re tough….to keep the medicine down at least a half an hour!!! You don’t wanna drink more! 
They suggest you sit up and keep trying to get you to sit up but for you first timers, it turns out all first timers want to and do…lay down for the majority. At SOL, the night began maybe around 9pm and went about 12 hours. I was able to hold it down awhile. Had already requested bathroom helpers beforehand and they were there every single time I needed them! With toilet paper to wipe your mouth, to steady you because there is somewhat of an intoxicated feeling in the body. They hold your hand and say kind words while you are puking the most violent of biles. Purge tends to be black in color….imagine what it’s clearing out for you!!!!  I had quite a few purges that first night. Beware, it also affects the other end and liquid may need emptied from there as well! I prayed against that!!! YeeHaw! 
As I lay there, all miserable and swirling and thinking the medicine just wasn’t working on me, I’m shown in my head a few things about Sheri. Oh……I forgot some stuff!!! Before and during, call in your protection!!!’ Violet Flame, Archangel Michael and any others, Jesus, Mary…me, I also called on a legion of angels. Blue ray, green, pink, white as well as violet. And your personal guides and animal guides. Mine were jaguar, elephant, firefly, hummingbird, dolphin, oh jeeze…I forgot to call on unicorn!!! Also….before you begin, tell Grandmother your intentions. What is it you want her to help you with! I said healing and to find the girl I would have been had I not been so hurt in life. 
So…I’m laying there and I’m shown different things pointing to the fact that Sheri is reliable, Sheri is immensely obedient to God and the whisperings of Spirit! Sheri is kind and loves all animals and most people. She gives people chances and encourages and gives moral support. Sheri is a very very special
Being sent to earth and she is a top notch human. I remember delighting in the realizations of my worth. Her worth. 
Next, she shows me…..not all the incidents of pain inflicted by others, as expected, but instead….inflicted by me! I saw how awful I was to Sheri!!! I was a mean cruel bully and was extremely abusive!!!! In fact, I was so abusive to this body, this personality of Sheri, that next I was taken to the days of marital abuse with Bobby. Oh the pain of that!!!! Alas, no….the now pain of seeing that Bobby had to come….had to abuse me so horribly….for this moment to happen and for me to see that I was abusive to me. 
I saw myself as the abuser. I saw myself as the lovable one, the great one, the spiritually obedient one, the cosmic one. I then basically split off!!!! I am both. I now see me as two. Me and her. Me and Sheri….or to be grammatically correct, Sheri and I. I promised myself I wouldn’t hurt her anymore. I would live or not live…loving her. Length of life no longer mattered. Just quality. 
This insight is the grandest of gifts. The Kings purse so to speak. Love on top of love. This insight also spurred another. Bobby. Thank you Bobby!!!’ I loved you with all the intensity I needed to love me. It’s as if my lesson has wiped him clean. The memories of the horror and abuse from him are no longer remembered with horror or shame or sadness, instead…..with gratitude! My worst memories on earth……rekindled, reshaped, recreated and washed clean.  What a blessed GIFT!


There was one more. I have too many names and lately would get confused and hem n haw when asked my name. Literally not sure what to answer. I saw a flash of memory
of a name I was called a few times in the 80’s that made me smile each time…..yes!!!!! SUNSHINE!!!! Yes. Very happy name. So, I made it be so. Introducing to you…my new integration name….meet ME….Sunshine! (Also, when I went to my garden heartspace in my
Mind a few weeks ago, 2 year old Sheri(my inner child) was now a newborn and she had tiny wings!!!! So, Sunshine has been born!!!’ You can still call me Mama Sheri or Mama Feathers if you so desire. 
So….while I was having this major
breakthru, at the same time….I was being healed and changed and rewired on the inside. On night 2, my intention was healing, pineal gland cleansing and activation and third eye as well. The first night we drank twice, 2nd night we drank 3 times. On that 2nd night, puking galore but
no insights or visions. Internal body work only which can seem exasperating after paying good money. (Hoping she was busy on the 3rd eye and pineal!!!) Purge. Be grateful for the purge!!!!! Especially if you’ve been told you’re dying!!! All healing and cleansing helps!!’ So there it is!!! Come daylight, a prerecorded music set is put on to slowly wake the ones who succumbed to sleep. Fruit is eaten. Slowly the circle reforms and the singing begins again. The songs are beautiful and you will be singing disjointed lines for days and days! Especially upon morning wake. Grandmother stays with you now and continues her work. Then to the beautiful refreshing river after!!!! Because my depression is soooo bad, one insight, be it a masterpiece…is not enough for me so I’m returning to SOL for more. The Vision Quest..not in the round temple, but in the woods by the river in little rock lined oblong areas that look rather like graves craving a headstone. Haha….trying to figure in my mind, where the puking takes place. Could get tricky. Then…there will be a Curandero from Columbia a few days later doing traditional methods from that country….if we can get more money!!!!!! The medicine is never the same. Neither will the experience be. And inbetween these 2 time packed events of awesome exhaustion…will be my first cacao ceremony! Medicine of the Heart!!! And yes, it has an effect on body mind and spirit. Raw ye know. Not just raw but highest caliber cacao…turned into a bitter medicinal drink. Will need strength to do all this….then back to Awakening Soul for organ cleanses and coffee enemas for my liver. Jam packed healing. Any who can
Throw a bit of money my way would be deeply appreciated. Little low on funds. PayPal is.
Help me take it all the way!!! Just for info sake… It’s $2,000 a month at Awakening Soul and over a hundred for each ceremony. And yes….without the ceremony…..there’s no point in healing this depressed body who just wants to shoot itself and be done. I NEED THIS MEDICINE!!!!!
Help save my life! Sunshines life!!!! If
You’re happy and you know it..clap
Your hands!!! Clap clap too for PeterPan!!!
More stories to come as I walk this healing road here in Costa Rica….where Rainbow people come to play and settle. Gringos!!! 
The ocean is muy grande!!! Sunburn on my feet although I took extreme precautions, cuz who wants to be sunburned when about to do a vision quest!!!???? My destiny is fluttering in the wind….hearing an echo. We shall see just what that destiny will be. Bless you my fine friends. Thank you for reading. Thank you for supporting my work here and elsewhere. This blog is part of my work. If you enjoy it, please spare a dollar or a few. Gracias. Buenos Dia. Oh…my daughter is awesome and we are traveling with love. And…my son is taking such good care of the goats that the deaths door doe, Rosie, is well!!!! And the one we saved before, Thor, who crawled like a crab cuz his legs were bent and unable to straighten….healed!!!!! YeeHaw!!!!! So…signing off at Flutterby House Avita, Costa Rica!!!!  


what world???

I was hoping for this yet I also feared it. I don’t want to leave. Already! After only a day and a half, I feel wanted, needed, appreciated, seen, heard, loved and worthy. The words… I See You …were even said to me last night. Much has changed in me already. My fear of driving or being driven on mountain round and round roads with huge drop offs, has been lifted at least for this now. These are some of the scariest roads I’ve ever been on…yet I wasn’t scared! Excited and leery but not scared. I knew my companion God wouldn’t drop me. 

Then today I had an insight so big I’m giggly. I realized which moment in time caused me to want to leave the planet. It was when I healed a child but was ridiculed by those who weren’t there and didn’t see. I was shamed to the point of squishing it down and praying it away. I have always remembered this event….but now I see that to the little child…it was a rejection of her and her purpose of coming to earth. So, she wanted to leave. The end. Wow!!!! And I didn’t even have to go subconscious to do it!!
And since it’s not always about me, lol, lemme try to describe my new little intentional community. So far, I don’t know where the “trash trash” is. Just the compost bucket. Most of the buildings are at least partially if not mostly…made of some kind of cement of sorts. Not just the buildings though. Plant structures, roof structures, kitchen sink structures. The beauty and simplicity of this way of life is peaceful.
Everything is beautiful. Even the paths and steps created were done so with beauty in mind as well as functionality. It will take some getting used to with the foods though. Last nights meal I ate as much as I could tolerate then this morning I liked the fried plantain. Lunch was beans and rice which I love along with….yucca flower!!! Barb, if you still read my blog I surely thought of you!!! So far only water to drink….my choice, I could have tea. Trying to ascertain how to go about my getting more of my inhaler. It can only be refilled every 2 weeks and that’s how long it lasts. If I just order it out of time….it costs $200!!! You see my concern???

All of the clothes and blankets, ….needed!!!! Not so dumb after all! How to dress for Costa Rica…LAYERS!!! Cold nights, cold mornings, hot afternoons so you peel em off, then put em back on!!! No paper towels here, only stuff that can be washed and reused. Skills are put to use and appreciated. Hummingbirds are everywhere!!! All sizes, colors and even sounds!!! No monkeys at this location though cuz this area was heavily forested once and is just now coming back thanks to caring people. Some spider and some capuchin have been seen coming back to these woods. No big cats here either but if we go to the one place for aya, we could see them possibly. 
We may go there but we also may do more traditional aya from a Peruvian shaman who sings icaros….healing songs. Figuring out why I wanted to die the majority of my life is pretty huge but I don’t feel that much stronger for the knowing. It’ll take awhile to integrate and I’d still like to meet with Grandmother Aya. I can relate to grandmother way more than mother so I shall call her Grandmother Aya now. They say she will give me what I NEED….if I need hard, I get hard and if I need gentle I’ll get gentle. Getting excited. 
There’s a mango sitting on the nightstand next to me spilling off its sweet perfume and the twinkle sounds of hummers are at my window! The calls of unseen birds are heard. There is a gentle breeze and the blanket separating my room from Summers is blowing gently while she sleeps and I talk to you. Most of the guests or interns are at the river which is a 10-15 minute hike DOWN. Tomorrow is Saturday, Free Day…where there are no food bells and no expectations at all, as well as silent day for those who choose. The Internet hotspot is just up the hill and there’s one plug in the kitchen. Where, the ONLY 2 lightbulbs are!!! Candles. I need more candles!!! Nothing can be shipped here from the internet. It must be packaged and sent by friends. When I leave…IF I leave…I’ll leave my blanket and good towel behind as a gift along with whatever arts I leave my heart with. 
Ok. Enough for now. I’ll go take photos. I’ve never felt so needed and wanted in my whole life. They really do see me here and gratefully I say thank you to God and Summer and those few who helped me get here….for that. 
Today is Sunday. Still no internet for my type phone. I made myself useful today. Seeds. I sorted seeds. Gathering like kinds and putting them in jars. Need more jars. As far as healing goes, well….not sure yet. Am allergic to bees yet I don’t freak when they land on me. Bit once by mosquito maybe and chewed up plantain leaves to remove the itch!!! Our cabinas weren’t ready when we arrived so we’re in the main house building for now. The cabinas are built on the side of the mountain as is everything!!! Think I’m looking forward to it…not sure. Haha, they look awesome as well as sketchy!!! I asked will they slide down the mountain during rainy season? Also, what about the steps? Would we be stuck in our individual cabinas the entire rainy season??? That’s of course, IF one chose to stay. :=}. Why would one leave? It’s an intentional
community with only 2 permanent residents!!!! My husband, son and only 15 goats are the ONLY things back home. Dunno. 
A returning dude, will open a hotspot for me to post this. Wanting to get word to hubby to upgrade me to international!!! Jesse, tell him please!!!    Not gonna apologize for the length of the blog. I can only do it when I can do it. Miss talking to y’all, and miss Jesse, Blue, my goaties and hubby’s quiet presence. But Dios mios!!!! Costa Rica es muy perfecto!!! Y yo estoy en cour!!!! Lol (I am in love)  For now……And…..signing off at Awakening Soul, Costa Rica!!! YeeHaw!!!  PS….haha!!! Scratch most of the above!!!! Stay tuned for the continuing saga of…..As the New Earth Forms!!!! 

uh oh……. hmmm YA, I CAN…right?

Well people….a LOT can happen in a few hours. I’m still at the hotel but life has already changed for me. First of all…..I need to say that not all is always peaches and roses with me and the daughter. Yesterday we had a …or I should say, I had a blowout. I was angry and regretting my decision to come. I explained, she heard. I then swallowed it and life moved on. We went on into town and had a day. Fairly late last night…..I found out an extremely important piece of information about where we were going. No electricity in the room. This means…..not being able to charge either iphone or laptop. Who knows, there may be charging zones set up, I dunno. But this effects me ……at this moment this is all I know of how it will affect me, but here goes. Without a charge on iphone, no flashlight. Without a charge on laptop… blog. Now, YES…..there are a myriad of other ways it will or may affect me that I don’t know yet, but these are the ones I wanted you to know about.

It took me a loooong time to fall asleep and when I did, it was fitful. I woke up constantly with that knowledge in my brain…blaring at me. Somewhere in the night, I cried. And another couple of somewheres as well. As you all have been witnessing, I have been learning and changing and doing fairly well. At one point, after the tears, I realized I would have to then be stoic and just endure. Just change. I know I’ve left so much out you will never know the context of this. Not knowing what time it is, during the night…will affect sleep. Then again….time is false and I’ve known this and wanted to live without time. NO IDEA where the bathrooms are. IN room, great. Not in room…..with headlamp instead of iphone…..yikes. Not used to headlamps. I’ve just woken, not even had a sip of water…no tea……so I’m not remembering it all. Suffice it to say that the person who comes back….may not be the same person who went. At all. She may not even want to blog. I’m not happy that I found out about this after the fact….but hey… isn’t supposed to be fair or even kind. All of these factors that I will be dealing with…no sugar, enemas, flushes, no tea, unknown food, no time, no internet, yoga(and many many more) are things that will affect me. Change me. Anyways….at one point….I decided…..just do it. No matter how uncomfortable….I think I’ll go ahead. No….this doesn’t even count the ayahuasca. Not a shred of my life will be the same.

Then……there’s the question of how to live….when you go back to the place you once called home….but now is just a pit…..drowning in old ways and old beliefs. I read that all the time on the aya group…..they struggle with returning to society. The aya, affects the serotonin….which affects depression. Many people are cured of their depression or are at least eased. Oh…..i remember the other part of my struggle last night. Stay and do this….or go and become a man. Haha. I mean, I would have to find and pull out my masculinity in order to be brave enough and able to…..find my own way….alone… this country. I was weighing these two when my spirit chose to step out of time. Hopefully I will lose the resentment at not being told something that would surely be important and that she obviously knew. Hindsight. I see it now. I’ll have to chalk it up to God. Everytime we pull cards or listen to Gangaji or say, the PELE REPORT…….it confirms these choices. In the pele report, he said the next month would be like BOOT CAMP. Yes, a great way to describe what I’m about to enter into. Like I said….I’m half asleep and not articulating well. My memory fogs. There are aspects I haven’t even thought of yet, I’m sure. This will be…………aside from giving birth and living 38 years in suicidal depression….one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I shall be strong. Very strong. I may even go silent. Summer read last nights blog and said they go silent on Saturdays. I may stretch it. I’ll do what I need to do. I do need to balance. I need male energy in me. I’m all squish and fear and wisdom. The 3 don’t swim happily together. Spirit tells me all the moves in my life. Could be my inner self, dunno…..but once again….there are no fingernails on this body. As of last night, I bit off the remaining 2.Life is funny that way. Maybe the aya will be sooner than later and I might’ve scratched myself…lol, I dunno why spirit wanted them gone, all I know is once spirit wanted them sharpened into points…daggers really…..and turns out they were needed!!! So….I always follow that tiny voice. And the tiny voice says….keep going. You’ve been through hell………you can do it again with your eyes open…..and walk in with your head held high!!! Little Feathers is on her way to the bank to change over a ton of money. Decided it best she go alone, less eyes looking at us. Must be my pouch jingles. Summer hears the jingles and when they get too far away, she slows. After the bank…her friend arrives to be picked up and taken to aya….so she wants to run and visit with him before we get picked up. She probably wants to go solo. Solo…….important word here. Alone. By itself. Did you know I’ve never really been alone? Well, small spaces, a year at the most if that….ever. The aspects in my life that need to alter, are many. The war between the thoughts in my head must find resolution. MUST. I refuse to continue this way. Like I’m broken…..more than chipped……I’m broken and falling over….hanging by intestines. Lol. I shall stand up straight, tuck those intestines in and stitch it up. Stitch me. Fix me. Hmmmm…..uh oh. Just realizing I’m not supposed to fix me. I’m supposed to accept me. Oh well, we gonna just do it. Love you guys. Thanks for the prayers. Prayers back to you. Headed to a farmers market before we leave. Signing off for the last time at Rudy’s Hotel, San Isidro Costa Rica. PS…..who knows….there could be electricity after all and I’m fretting for nothing. If there’s not though….somehow….I can do it.


Ok…….my first official full day in Costa Rica!!! Still in the city till tomorrow afternoon, so we explored a bit. Wow… summertime here, mucho caliente. Not as hot as Texas in summer though. In the beginning I was like… everything…signs….so we can find the hotel again! But it really wasn’t so hard. Technically, we are downtown at the hotel, and steps away from banks, stores, all sorts. There was even a truck with words blaring, haha!!! Like in the movies! No idea what they were selling…possibly a radio station. Summer told me to act like I knew what I was doing, so I attempted that. Giggle. Which meant….I have no photos for you!!! After paying the darn fee, I have none. We finally make it to the bank to change some money over but they required a passport! So…..we walked back. Found a smoothie shop on the way and were blessed with an English understanding customer there. She helped us order. Shoulda got Rosetta Stone, but ha, I didn’t wanna pay like $400! Getting there. I have a translator app on the phone….which is no good away from the hotel due to wifi only. Apparently I would need to get some kind of phone if I wanna make calls. So we have to decide what words we need to know….in advance. Crazy loco, eh? 

 For a person who doesn’t like to drink water……well…….let’s just say my body is probably really happy right now. I have only seen sodas since arrival except for the smoothie, which was more drink than slushtype thing. But boy was it good. Some of the people appear grouchy, with no smiles to offer, yet others are very helpful. And a LOT of giggling goes on. Apparently, communicating in not understood languages….makes for fun times. Every single place we attempted to let our needs be known, there was giggling…..oh….except for the bank and oh was that businesslike!!! Wow. Guards for days!!! Should be interesting getting thousands changed over tomorrow. AND…we have to have our passports with us. Not ideal. We shall see. I really can’t get over how stinkin close to town we are. We go out the door, under a bridge wall……then we cross a swaying bridge….just like you see in the movies, that break and the people fall? Ya. Hehe. Then there we are! I was just wondering where the McDonalds were when thought released……and wala….there was a mickey D’s. I don’t eat there, just curious.

 The money is very different. That McDonalds sign was advertising a Big Mac meal for 4 or 5 thousand somethings. Man that smoothie was good. Several cool things. The smoothie lid was plastic sealed on top. Plastic not good….but hey, very innovative! NO spill!!!!!!! Another thing. IN the grocery store, they put all your veggies into one bag….then put all the code stickers with price info on the bag. Imagine that. One plastic bag. America is so wasteful….but it does create jobs for the stupid economy for the stupid way these people like to live. These people being the higher ups who own the planet.

 Tomorrow we arrive at Awakening Soul. I’ve been told it’s really awesome to be awake and experience the jungle waking up. Jungle, forest, I dunno. Monkeys. They shall apparently wake me up. I shall enjoy with gusto….then endeavor to go back to sleep. Speaking of sleep…..I did sleep last night. Too many hours without, created the ability. I did wake a gazillion times and kept having to look at the clock cuz it was so light in the room from outside….that I couldn’t tell if it was night or day. 3. I woke at 3. After laying down at 8 with no sleep in days……I didn’t know if it was 3am or 3 pm. Lots of clock checks. I’m excited! Had some excitement earlier, trying to arrange sleep help. Hahahahaaaa. I am very brave yet not. My email Signature used to be…….I’m a walking contradiction and I’m walking as fast as I can. Suffice it to say……I should be able to sleep tonight and a few more but not many. I wish I could freely speak about it. Lets just say it’s not the typical, but can work. Even God helped…..he created apples. OH…..and there’s a HUGE hole in my big brand new suitcase, at the large outer zip pocket. I remembered sewing needles, but not thread! 

 I want to say how grateful I am. How blessed. I may do some complaining about something new or uncomfortable…..but maybe that’s cuz I haven’t ever done a vow of silence. I wonder if I should have gone to a monastery instead….or as well as. I’d really like to keep traveling. Go places. Experience new things….even if it’s uncomfortable. You think the ayahuasca will be comfortable? Have I told you that many people vomit out of both ends? Haha….that was the NICE way to put it! This is in essence, a bravery trip. A little grumbling is allowed, when a volcano is active, eh? Oh….ya, there are volcanos here. PLURAL! I am asking for youthfulness in my body. Requested it last night of God, then today a few times out walking…..and tonight, we went to ask for hot water for our tea. He offered us Morenga!!! What has been recommended for me by at least 4 people, possibly more…..and says……it will make you very strong! Take in the morning, not now. Yay! God is so good. I’ve just been privileged to be here when my daughter picked up her tiny ukulele type guitar and she sang!!! I love it when she sings. 

 Well…..we leave the hotel tomorrow and I know not the internet situation. From what I understand, there may be times during the day when I can walk to the hotspot to post. So just bear with me. I intend to post. In fact….wordpress has just changed the word on the app now from publish….to post. Haha. Goofy. Goats are all good! Rosie hanging in….and did I tell ya before I left, her poo was solidifying?????? Yay!!! Jesse is doing great….creating his music beats and songs regularly. He’s got the house to himself till Saturday while hubby is in China, and he’s changing as well as Mama. Love you bruhsonskii! Oh……lol….Summer found a thrift shop!, lol….American clothes. She got 2 tops and I got one….for like 2 bucks each. Girls will be girls. Ok……I am off to the yellowbrick road tomorrow. Not sure when the wizard part will happen, we shall see. Drinking chai 7 spice tea with no sugar. So….don’t forget me, I’ll be back soon as I can….with photos! Yay! SO….once more….signing off at Rudy’s Hotel, San Isidro, Costa Rica baby!!!! Change me baby! Well….at least change me to where I can stop the bad thought flow. Thank you. Amen. Love you guys!

spoiled gringo girl….!

I didn’t realeyes how spoiled I was. I had AM, but need to shift it. Don’t wanna be a spoiled gringo. Haha….I am reacting to the un-airconditioned hotel we are in for tonight and maybe tomorrow. I’m gonna go ahead and guess that the retreat has none either. I cannot let discomfort rule me. During the trip….I was reading. Spiritual reading. It was unexpectedly explained to me that the reason we are here….on planet earth, is to experience being US. Kinda knew that…but not the twist I just got. Experience US, without wanting to change us. Just learn to be Sheri, with all her quirks and misgivings, fears, jealousies and just plain ole lack of drive. Not try to better myself???? I thought that was a very strange thing…..but what they’re saying is that if I can live that way……learning and liking Sheri in all her idiosyncrasies. All her/my Imperfections. Well, then change would naturally occur and I would indeed be bettering myself!!! Well…….I need to work on this spoiledness. Blonde. I feel like a blonde. Haha. You wouldn’t know it….but I am a blonde. Was my entire life until old age took the light right out of my hair and turned it brown. Musta been the heart shift, eh? My heart was turning to the light…..haha….ya I’m goooofy.

It was quite a trip…all of it. Apparently 2 hippytype women, with all their multitudes of luggage, and layers of clothing……well, let’s just say I was a prime suspect. Both times…..they ran stuff over my hands looking for residues. Haha….what, I look like I cook meth or something? Had plenty of ganja particles on me though…..but I cleared both times. We should’ve taken photos. I had a very large purple case, a medium purple case full of fiber and herbs, a small carry on purple case, a basket which had my purse inside and a small foam and small amount of fiber, lol, ya right, stuffed large ziplock is more honest. Then………a twin blanket, my pillow, with 12×20 or so piece of felting foam, a shawl and a cape. I was wearing a complete set of longjohns too. Let’s just say I not only looked quite ridiculous, but movements were not easy and I got way overheated many times. The Orlando stop was 12 hours long…wow. Yuk. Our choice of spots to Live In for the night….while somewhat secluded, was bright light. And the dang message to not bring liquids, gels or aerosols into the airport….on repeat play….every 15 minutes, loud. Let’s just say I didn’t sleep. No pot, no sleepytea. I did get a half hour or hour today on the flight here though. Summer kinda scared me at the last minute with all her sketchy warnings of discomfort during immigration…..but it was no biggie. Then we were met by the shuttle driver for the 3 hour plus drive, due to landslide reroute traffic. 

Ok. So. We are here. In the hot hotel. Got wifi…..but don’t know how much I’ll have it once we get to Awakening Soul. Thinkin they have it…..but there are rules. Ha. Lady here at the hotel desk said she once had a lady show up with plans to spend 4 months there….and called after 2 days wanting out. Too scheduly. Crap. Someone shoulda told me that. I don’t do schedules. I also am an artist, who stays up late and wakes up late and wish to remain SO! Oh Lordie……what have I gotten myself into??? I shall endeavor to be brave and open. Expansive even. Running on no sleep for 32 and more hours cuz I didn’t sleep well before I left. Praying and ya…..come on Sheri…..we got this!

How much have I told you about my reticence? If I’m stuck with the depressed mind, I’d rather not extend this life then. Also, do I really want to stay…..if I gotta have a bad experience? Ya, food…..or meds. Like for example……Summer squirted this new oil she was told to get a lot of for us to bring for us to take……..flax. A whole bunch and it tasted awful. Really? See, I’m not a happy player most of the time, earth player that is…….and food has a role with me. Food that I cannot stand the taste of though………that’s my meals now? Nah. I’ve told you guys. My life has been hard enough…it doesn’t need to be super extended long, like a battery. I dunno. These are my thoughts today. They may change next week….or they may not. There is an ALSO. ALSO….my daughter likes to do things her way and I wanna know when we swap? Like right now…’s 4:30 and it gets dark around 6. I wanna go now….to walk and find food. She has been stalling and stalling and now wants 20 more minutes. This type thing. Why does it matter? Dark. Strange country. Strange city. 2 women. Hmmmmm…..does that tell on me? Doesn’t even occur to her to be back before dark. She must not have had my past. I know I know……God is my companion traveler this time…..should be able to take care of things….but. BUT. 

 Ok……it was fine. Haha. I freak so easily. Scared of my own shadow practically……possibly brought on by a mean punching ex husband, but nonetheless, I gots fears. Ok….escalated by, not brought on. Can’t blame it all on him….had plenty of unrealistic fears before I met him. So……….we went walking. Then Summer asked a man where we might find frijoles and rice. Lol. Right across the street, the lil lady cooked what we wanted with what she had. I had beans and rice, scrambled eggs and salad. FOOD!!!! Yay! A young man sat down and ended up being our translator and teacher. The shuttle driver did some teachin too. But young dude….said he could help with anything we might need….so of course I said…mota? Lol….yes….he can help me find mota and would have taken us to his friends to smoke right then if I wasn’t a chicken about it being dark in a minute. Ha. So. Should be able to find some rather easily from what I googled. I’ve always found some when I go places. Jamaica, Puerto Rico and now….Costa! So silly. Scared of the dark in a new city….but not scared to ask for illegal mota! Go figure. Oh ya. NEED! Speaking of need……….whoa…lots of pain on the plane and airport and again here. Barometric pressure. MOTA! Hopefully tomorrow. Sleep may or may not come tonight. We shall see. This is all a highwire act for me. I’m keepin my balance so far! Later chickies! And Cameron! Signing off at Rudy’s Hotel, San Isidro, Costa Rica.