Me….God….and a Frog

God uses me. I guess cuz He knows I listen and if he needs something, I’ll usually get the hint. I was there and I know how real it was when He asked me to dance, then He asked me to shift the masculine to the feminine. Dec 21, 2006. I energetically took Jesus from the Sun….and placed him in the moon. I was sleepy….ready for bed that night. Not feeling well. Hadn’t eaten in days cuz I was getting sick. Just wanted to go to sleep. But no. God asked me to dance. I did, in the hallway. He said no…outside. I said, but GOD!!! It’s really really cold out there! I don’t feel good. He said, I know……please….DANCE. So I danced. Now….why would that happen, if people across the globe had already shifted things to feminine? I wonder that a lot. A lot happened that night actually, and for the next 3 days. I saw 2 shooting stars around the moon…one on each side….at the same time! I got to experience the archetypes, and I do mean experience. I even got to be God. Oh man…not a job to envy….I was afraid of everything I thought!!! If I thought it…I created it….like on earth times a million gazillion. It was a thrilling experience that I’m very grateful for and it all started with a request. Dance. Four years later…..I was asked to dance once again and shift again, putting Jesus back in the SUN. I don’t really ask why…I just obey. Another time, I was asked to go to South Dakota and pray for the world. I did. Now, it feels as if I am here in wait mode…..with a glorious mushroom intermission. Something to occupy me…keep me here…keep me joyous….keep me alive. Tonight is Supermoon. Another thing He asks of me. Pray for the world during SuperMOONs. So I do. Tonight I do it from near the equator. With the fireflies. You can read the full story of the Winter Solstice Experience HERE:

   
    
    
   
I wish I could explain the intensity of ME these days. Not even my daughter has a clue. And she lives here!!! The feelings in my body. In my belly. The psychic energies. The love energies. Did you know that in the end…..all the energies are love…….are from love. Fear of, lack of, need for, hatred of, and even that middle space that Buddha talked of. I think I just saw it. Its all love. Up down, left right, good bad, needy; ignored, power; puddle………all love. All those really really rich people????? Loaded down with need. Maybe if we pray for them….they won’t feel such need. Maybe they’ll feel connected. Yes. That’s one of the things I shall speak for to the moon. Yup, feels right. I shall pray for the rich. Haha…the night before 9/11, during sweat lodge, I prayed for the leaders of the countries that hate us. Sometimes prayer isn’t for the pretty things. Night night. (Ps….just had a lengthy discussion on FB about religion…..no, I don’t fit the criteria for Christian anymore….just human seeking.)

As the days tick by like time, and I change and change, I am more and more stunned. The feel of it all is so thick. Emotion….Like honey painted air. How’d ya like that analogy? It worked. I remember back in California in 2001……I was proud of my spiritual journey….I was getting answers every single day…..one day…..in advance of when I needed them. For example……I would inadvertently find myself studying about the Hathors…….when the next day I would need this info cuz I’ve met a Hathor specialist….etc. No…that did not happen, just an example! What are they? Bird people. Literally. I digress. The frog. First there were the visitations by frogs here. Then we did the kambo frog venom points. Next, there is a frog jumping on me. He then jumped to my altar space and laid down to sleep. When I turn the light out, he jumps on me again, then on my daughter in the middle of the night. Next night, while pondering this….he drops in with a thud to an inch of my hand……and he has been in some cobwebs….but, he has brought friends along. Moth and a spider. Literally, tangled around him. He can’t shed them. I try, with a paper towel…too much fear to use my fingers. That really bothered me, that I couldn’t combat that fear. So he leaps away and I get the photo. So why. Why why why is the frog doing this? What is he trying to say? So many possibilities. Water, magic, moon, true love, prosperity, cleansing, abundance…..more than that actually but that’s enough. :=))  For me, if I see a frog on my porch it means a hurricane is comin. Well….there is a tropical storm out there ya know!!! But if it wasn’t that. If it was something spiritual….what would it be? It kept coming back to my intention when I did the Kambo venom. We were to see in our mind, the person we wanted to be…who we thought we would’ve been had life worked out differently. Well….. for me that was easy. I had just seen that me, in a shamanic journey I’d just done. There….I was wearing a living coat of animals, with a train about 50 ft. long.  By this I mean, none of the animals were dead…they had chosen to be the coat….had stepped in and could step out at any time. When the frog first came, I wondered about that. Was it a test? If I was to wear animals….wouldn’t I need to NOT FEAR them???

   
    
    
   
(See those trees? Other side of the green, is an old stand of cacao(chocolate) trees!)

When the same frog arrived the next night wearing….WEARING……a spider and a moth, I wondered. Is this what the frog is saying? That I will never be that woman…literally or figuratively….if I lived in fear still. It’s as if my request for less fear….from AYAhuasca….is being enacted before my very eyes. Today I woke up and knew I had to confront that fear. Touch that frog. Step onto that raw untamed jungle floor. It occurred to me then…..that the snakes would know I am coming. They are part of the forest. They’d be moving away as fast as possible! I am big…..they want no part of me. But that’s not the main reason. I suppose….(was just about to say I believe) that the reason might be that they weren’t part of the story, so that’s why they weren’t there. No. Today, the story was about MamaSheriSunshineRainbowFeathers going out of the box. Again. On purpose. A chosen step…in advance. I was alone….and I stepped off of the yoga platform. I saw a mushroom. I couldn’t stop myself. Of course, I had to see what all was there in that neck of the woods, while I had my courage on…..and a butterfly who had been walking with me….landed about a foot away. As if to say…transform away rainbow lady! I was very proud of my courage today. THEN!!! Then….Summer comes excitedly in the house and….you have to come Mama….come on!!! I grab my phone waist pouch thingy and splat….my pouch falls to the floor…..and crack….goes the rainbow. Shattered. Karma. It was a gift, given to me by someone who dished out bad karma to me earlier in life. But is that it? Is that why? Karma? Or could it be something else…like me thinking of a way to use the rainbow and it being a bad idea….which I did and maybe it was! Either way….its a SuperMOON tonight!!! Work to do. This old crone still has some value. I loved that rainbow!!! And…..the mushrooms were most awesome!!! We crossed the river…..she helped me, during the tiny forceful falls….up into the forest and into a stand of ancient cacao trees. And hot pink mushrooms!!! Oh the glory of the extremes!!! I love… so love my life….and in the same day I can so so hate it! What awesomeness is this? What writer designed my life? Thank you yeehaw!!! Ok…signing off at Quebradas, Costa Rica………..tommorrow…..life changes for me again. And for others. Heavy sigh. Love love.PS…..Amma says God…..is a WOMAN!!!

   
   

Bugs…..and PLANT bites?????

An awful lot of wolf criers out there….beginning wayyyyyy back in 2012! Who thought that one up anyway??? Seriously…..if you had already counted to a million….why would you need to repeat it? Just so people one day in the future won’t think…oh shit….they stopped counting…..the world must be coming to an end on that date!!! What should we do????? AHhhhh!!! Dec 21, 2012…..that was the start. When will be the finish? How much fear will we feel unnecessarily until something either calamitous or angelic does occur? I think the cincher this time is the 4 blood moons. So why am I following it? Why am I letting it dictate my world? Why have I changed my flight date so I won’t be in the states on Sept 28? Well……I’ll tell ya. I could very easily have flown home yesterday as was planned. But as my mind ponders it…..I see the mushrooms. God…..Spirit……gave me the mushrooms. No question. Why? A gift for sure….but possibly more? Could it be something to occupy me……..something that takes every ounce of my focus? Could it be a time killer? What was its design? Ahhh…or to keep me outside during the photon deluge? TO have me breathing them? All I know is, I am still here. I’m not in Texas, dry dry hot hot Texas. Mushroomless Texas. Not only am I here….but I sometimes go searching them out 3 times a day….1-2 hours each!!! And in the rain!!! If it’s raining……I grab my umbrella and out I fly! Seriously folks. I know it’s rainy season, but have you stopped to think about this? Why are there SO DANG MANY mushrooms here? ON this one acre or so????? How blessed am I? Is there another place in CostaRica…….that has this many different species of mushrooms….that isn’t in RAW jungle…which I’m afraid to go in….unless I see a mushroom of course….then my fear stays and I courage through it.  Courage. Hmmm. Cour (Coeur) heart(FRENCH)……Rage…..feel or express anger…..anger is fear. So….courage is… hearting through the fear!!!  Haha. But to be honest……I’m much braver if someone is around. Today I wanted to step off the yoga platform so badly. I could see some. I told myself there were plenty without going there.

When I first arrived and was being bit up by the mosquitos….they told me that after a few months, I’d build up a tolerance and they wouldn’t bite me. Well…..6 months later, maybe a few have stopped biting. And….I’ve decided that sand fleas are worse. Way worse. Not sure where the ant bites fit in….and now……oh Lordie…..now it’s the plants. Remember those spiky trees I showed you? I told you not to grab trees to steady yourself when in the jungle????? Well………same with plants!!! They too are carrying loaded weapons. Jeeze. So….while my body was digesting and absorbing the Kambo frog venom and the rape` powder, it seemed that more was required. I was then bit by a mystery bug on my hand which swelled, and was bit by plants on the same finger…2 days apart. Yup…..2 sting holes from plant venom. That’s a helluva lot of venom for one little rainbow feathered mama. And the bugs.  Haha!!! The bugs are amazing…..and they all seem to know about me and are now photobombing me. I love it!!! Today I had a butterfly let me take as many photos as I wanted until I got too close….3 inches was apparently his boundary!!! I didn’t get that shot! I did however…..witness the near birth of a spectacular version of cicada. They were born before I arrived. They were apparently encased in pods attached to a tree. They broke free from the pods to be born….then I found them. There are 5. A whole family, with bright red eyes. I check on them daily….scared one but he found his way back. I have an excess……a huge one……of photos. What to do with all these mushroom photos? Butterfly photos? I’ve pretty much stopped seeing the flowers….sorta. My eyes are zeroing in wayyyyyyyy deep. Folks….I am seeing mushrooms…………….oh……..smaller than these period dots I love to use so much……………….! Isn’t there a call for that somewhere???? A need??? I wear trifocals…..thus…..i have closeup lenses! But trust me….without the passion……I wouldn’t find half or more. Shoot….I wouldn’t find any technically cuz without the passion….I wouldn’t be out there looking! I’d be sitting inside……as usual. Todays tally: 2 photobombs and one sit still for portrait.

   
    
    
   
I read an article today about the cotton clothes we wear…possibly not coming from cotton, but a byproduct cotton-like substance acquired from trees. Rainforest trees too. After reading that, my curiosity has been aroused……where is all the cotton being grown to satisfy the 7 billion people? Oh dear. Being awake….sometimes makes you want to go back to sleep. Is it possible I am wearing the rainforest? Right now? Global empathy is growing in me. I feel the ick in my being on a regular basis now. Love is so thick. Lack of love is empty stick shacks…….shielding nothing…blocking the view. Haha…really. Is GOD keeping me occupied???? Is he shielding me? As I rise in consciousness and the layers of love thicken, deepen……is He distracting me from excess pain? Or is there a more tangible reason for this massive new passion so big that it’s really hard to swallow at times. A lump. Pure joy and giddiness….that kinda lump. Hmmmm…..I am becoming a child again….I must be Rising. Ooooooh…..and then there’s that! The choosing of a belief system. Mine is that I’m rising…..ascending……in the spiritual sense, not physical that I know of…..and, within that same system, in order to achieve said ascension, I must remove all beliefs. How does one live beliefless??? One would have to be a willow tree……certainly not a frail leaf litter mushroom, which would be crushed with one drop of rain. Yup….strong and bendy would rule that outcome. So is that the solution? Go ahead and finish off this life and then request to be a WILLOW TREE next go round??? Haha! Finish out my karma as a bendy tree. Speaking of karma……..I haven’t done a session with Rhonda this week. I think I avoided it…..as any little child would, when feeling overwhelmed….and I have been feeling overwhelmed. Money mostly, but It’ll be ok. Ok yes…great, no. It mars things. I was at the ocean yesterday. The cheaper route to achieve something necessary……..and I went along cuz I’d see the ocean and it would only cost a few dollars bus fare. Hostels are really cheap. In the end…..I didn’t take a single photo of the ocean. I did get to O’honopono for her though. And….I’d been thinking of Natalie’s abalone colored curls and was gifted with a few tiny pieces of abalone. Yesterday was the 3rd day in the 3 days off, 5 on of ayahuasca spoons. I decided to make it 4. No ceremony today. On the other hand…it feels as if I have ceremony every day when I’m out finding the baby mushrooms being born. OH…..and I know why AYA isn’t talking to me anymore!!! Nothing I’ve done! IF she had kept talking to me….I wouldn’t have reached my higherself’s guidance. I wouldn’t be able to do what I’m doing with Rhonda. I realeyes’d that last night and it was a huge relief. That means, that for me…no amount of aya will bring her back. I get it now. Not that Aya can’t do other things….and she is…daily, I’m sure…..I’m just no longer aware. Oh dear….maybe SHE was the entity we cast out! Oh dear. :=)))) Well then….on that note…it is time to sign off….sitting on my bed in the little cabina, listening to the hard rain hit the banana leaves…..KNOWING that it is birthing new babies with each drop……listening for the sound of feet on the gravel which would mean my baby girl is back from the trip I am already home from……as I scratch sandflea bitten ankles raw and hit my glass pipe whild saying…………from Quebradas, CostaRica…..home of the tiniest lizards in the world….and the best forest mushies. OH, PS…..I’m learning…….I think we have ONE reishi mushroom!!! Catch ya nigh, dragonfly!!! Oh heck! Sorry…..but I just realeyes’d! Without the ants…..there would be so few mushrooms….wow. A humble lesson. Thank you ant for biting me and giving me your medicine. Aho.

   
    
    
   
   
    
 

this NEW LOVE is Trippy…

The biggest bestest thing that Ayahuasca has given me, is the love. She teaches love at the university level. I am a professor now. I have been handed lumps and piles of love for 5 months now…..poured on me like sugar in that song. Pour some sugar on me……ya, even the memory of disgust evokes nothing but love. Ok ok, I won’t be elusive. I’m referring to my days as an exotic dancer. That song. Funny that that wanted to pop in to say hi. Hi honey…o’honopono to you sweet one. Yup….that’s how I do it these days….the instant a memory comes up….I do o’honopono. I transmute the negative energy of that memory. But all sugar aside….I am referring right now to my new immersion into the mushroom universe I find myself in. Today was an experience of overwhelm. The amount of joy I receive from finding…discovering…..a tiny being, that usually I and only I will ever see……is so great that it keeps my sacral chakra spinning at high degrees. It is a love affair. Me and God. And for those of you to whom that was chalkboard nail scraping……..God and I. God delights my day. He knows exactly how to stimulate me. We dance. Today we danced and then I brought my daughter down for a quick spin on the dancefloor. While there, we discovered the mushrooms in the fear. Oh……the forest floor was thick with them……..in the realm I never ever go……for fear of snakes. In the woods….the deep. No path. Just jungle. Once I saw them….I had no choice. I was like a mamabear who’s kids were in danger….I had to go check them. I climbed down off the platform, straight to the leaf litter ground……to the mushroom cities and towns. My head was spinning, my body too. Squatted there……the tiniest of tinies……all at the end of my eyeballs…..in every direction!!! Oh my gosh….I couldn’t see them all!!! I was dizzy. Love was oozing………saturating me and oozing all over the forest floor and all over those mushrooms. My daughter captured some of it on video. I bet it was something to see. It exhausted me. That was the 2nd mushroom session of the day…..and top it off….it has just rained and there is still plenty of sunshine to go for a 3rd session to see the babies who have come with the raindrops to meet me.

OH MY GOSH!!!!! Guess what we have here!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so excited. A baby Blue MORPHO!!!!! Yes!!!! I saw it first, during my 1st session, then we both saw it during the 2nd! Lordie Lordie, how sacred is that? How blessed are we? Well…..I did. I went back out after the rain. Got so vacuumed in finding the leaf litter babies that I was shaking and groaning. Haha….For like an hour!!! I just couldn’t stop. SKeeter bites on top of skeeter bites and the same on my feet with the ant bites. I say….Thank you for the mosquito medicine! Ha…..till I get in the cabin and start scratching. Oh, and the tiny frogs!!! I don’t have a great photo but maybe I’ll put it anyway. Today, he jumped away too fast, but he was different from the first. We’ve been seeing tree frogs since before we did the kambo vaccine.

   
    
    
   
The iboga issue has come up in a big way. I asked hubby if I could do it, then I backed out of the request. It’s complicated and mostly to do with money but also fear. I guess I’m not ready yet….however, I am about to find out about it in a big way. I’m doing more research on it too. Seems it can be microdosed….but that won’t fix my liver, that requires what they call a Flood dose. Oh….so close. So close to being cured…….not yet I guess. From what I understand, it removes the HepC. Not sure what it can do to restore the liver….but it can’t do anything if I don’t take it and apparently it’s probably equal……need for money…..and fear. Without both being addressed….it won’t happen. Sometimes I’m brave. When I asked hubby in a text…..the panic set in and I knew I wasn’t ready. I don’t have any cows left to sell. Well, there are some females but hubby won’t sell them. I’m fresh outta goats to sell too. It’ll happen if it’s meant to. I wonder how my goats are. Hard to believe I’ve given up just about everything for this journey. Strange. Whats stranger, is the wonderfully neat little package that life has become. All the metaphysical stuff I’ve read and seen……is old hat; All the hippy dippy oogly googly love that we all took for granted, turns out to be the grandest power of all; the word ascension is common now; there’s word in every metaphysical corner or way of being…..that something…..something will happen this fall. Something. Haha….that’s my nickname for God!!! You know,…..something told me…. ! ; and for me personally, it feels like my vibration is rising, changing. My body is constantly on the verge of orgasm of the soul. Its love. It’s so big. People, people, people….I wish I could give you some to hold….then you’d understand, except magnify it by a gazillion! My insides churn with it. Butter….lol………baby Krishna and his butter! Spiritual butter. It tingles. And its oh so smoooooth. Hmmmm…..to get butter, you need milk. Milk comes from a mother, not a father. Perhaps being androgenous…..perhaps that means God can be either one….not like I used to think…..both like all the sexual organs on one. I think now that it might be that they can be whichever one is needed. I dunno. I ain’t dead yet.

It turns out, Summer video’d most of the mushroom finding event today. We just watched it in several videos and laughed our guts off. Mine hurts from laughing. Pure D Passion. The first one is a bit long and then a 4 min and a 1 min. All are great. Not sure how long it’ll take to upload them…especially since it has just begun the nightly rain. Anyways….its been an exhausting day of excitement over some of Gods tiniest beings. Signing off at Quebradas CostaRica.

   
    
    
   
   
    
   
    
   

Plant TEACHERS….living inside me

Grandmother just gave me an idea. My intention for today’s spoonful ceremony was to find a way to stay here. Or to come back after going home to create things to sell. I still plan to make skirts, yup I do I do……not so easy just yet….supplies, tools……don’t have that….just the vision. I’ve taken the art in a different direction but even that is not worked out yet, or ready…..I’ve ordered materials and they are waiting for me in Texas. Anyway…..I just love how these plant teachers come into you and stay and teach. The frog medicine I just did is still singing to me….and now I get a slideshow of mushrooms to boot. Even ones I’ve never ever seen before….created just for little ole me’s mindshow!!! So anyway….I’m here in ceremony…(still, as I type) and I’m trying to figure out a way to capture the attention of the world, to get people doing a practice I’d like to see done……and she gives me an idea that helps both…..both that world thing, and me personally. And yesterday, during ceremony…not sure if it was my higher selfs idea or Kambo or Aya, but as I entered my inner sanctum…..or, as I was approaching it I should say……A detour was had. In order to get to my inner garden, I first go to a beach….In my mind, a very specific beach that always looks the same. There, I go through a portal into my garden. Yesterday, I woke up still swollen from the kambo and 2 things happened. First, instead of going into the garden from the beach as I ALWAYS do……I went into the sand…toward the ocean…….and I went swimming in the ocean. Haha….frog water energy needed to end the healing process!!! I also had a very teary ceremony yesterday….more water. Fascinating just fascinating. Figuring out how life works….is so cool.

Grandmother is reminding me of the path Spirit has set me on. It began back in 2001, wow. I was in Sedona. I’ve recently told you the story……I was there with a few people and a guide(Female Medicine Woman(white))….and we were headed to a Medicine Wheel, when I was overwhelmed by tears of the ancestors. I heard the bulldozers down below….where so many native braves had leapt to their deaths….and the tears poured through my body…..released. The part I never mention, is what happened after. No biggie I thought. So, I find the medicine wheel and hubby and his fiancé…lol, ya…….and the medicine woman, Laurie, begins readings for us. In mine, she saw me as a Hopi Medicine Woman in a previous life. She also saw my daughter….craving me, needing me…..and us coming together. Wala…..15 years later, the bricks laid then…have formed the road I am now on. Thankyou Grandmother Ayahuasca. I am so honored to be your student. She is also reminding me that this part of the path actually began last year with the magic mushrooms….then my son brought me a tiny bit of DMT. I became a scientist…..ooooooooh ya….last night it occurred to me what I am now….lol, I’m a scientist! That’s how I look at life! How, why, what? Ha, If I was a true scientist I’d be testing these mushies out to see if magic or edible or what….on the other hand….if I did that…..I’d be a dead true scientist. Then the aya, the rape` and the kambo….with iboga on the hopeful horizon. Ya….it’s extremely obvious to anyone with eyes to see…that the Holy Spirit wants me to be a scientist with these things. Try them….share what I learn. Not only that…but as it has been recommended to me lately by at least 3 healers, that I need to meditate…….Spirit has given me the mushrooms here. The passion for them, that is. I literally spend 1-2 hours or more a day….looking for them. I am so focused, squatted down, eyes scanning….focus focus…..on just what I’m seeing…not words………and ye know what? THAT…is meditating!!! Well…..with a bunch of giggles and ooooooooh’s and squeals added!!! Oh….and the neverending…thankyou!!! Oh thankyou! Haha…I’m a kid again in the woods. Now if I can just convince Spirit I don’t need anymore ant or mosquito medicine!!! Ha…the other day when I did the rape` and the kambo…I got stung on my toe by a mystery insect……lol, Spirit wanted even more medicine in me!

Once upon a time…I was an herbalist. I was in the process of writing a book, when my marriage crumbled, husband ended up with my baby daughter and life shifted for me. At that time…I was studying the effects of North American plants. I made a super duper illness tea that stopped colds in their tracks. That ended 30 years ago. Wow. It took me 30 years to get back on the path I’d originally begun. So now here I am, studying the effects of the plant life from across the globe. Funny….I also wrote a fairy story…not published……..it was an environmental fairy story that involved saving the amazon rain forests and there were magical healing plants and insects in the story….how funny oh jeeze!!! I’m living my own fairytale!!! Haha…does this mean I get to go to a purple planet???? Oh man….what a great ceremony today. 2 insights!!! On a spoonful! Well, they are accumulating in my body….I bet they’re all hanging out at the corner of love and fear….gathering information…like any good entheogen would do. Ahhhhh. There!!! That’s what I’m studying…not psychotropics!!! Entheogens!!!! Big word, eh??? I love that word. It means that they go in the body….look for what’s wrong,….like a maître d ……how can I help you??? And then fix it. Like reishi mushroom. Not hallucinogenic, but an amazing medicine……and an entheogen. Take it if you can. Why am I now acting as an entheogen scientist? I believe it’s to complete my purpose….to share knowledge that can help the consciousness rise.

And if you think that yesterdays blog ending was a pity party…nope…just plain ole Sheri. I have a poem from the 90’s that says……words are all I count as my worth…haha, at least now it’s been upgraded to include my art!! Wow….realeyes it or not, I carried you with me in my ceremony!!! Ceremony complete for today…..music about to go silent, candles shall burn and bless whatever they were dedicated to……..the healing sealed now in love and light and a great big thanks to all my guides who always come along to steer me. I’m realeyesing how important this inner journeywork is. Critical really. Until the mind is silenced……it is needed. Gosh…such big filling love I feel for you guys. Even in my dark…..I am a light…shining for you. If you need help…..ask. I can try. Oh my!!!!!!!!! I just got a reply to yesterdays blog that gives a different perspective than my biased one. How kind…..thankyou Alan. (the baby I carried the longest before miscarrying……was named Ryan Alan…..back then, there were only Allens…..interesting) I won’t make you go look….here’s what he said:

Feelin rather Warrioresque….Kambo!!! (frog venom)

Last night, the kambo frog sang me to sleep. Well, technically, I sang me to sleep the first time… when I laid down after a sleepless night and a kambo and rape ceremony(pronounced hape). Yes…..it turns out, it was 2…..yes TWO medicines. Oh holy chuckwagon. When I woke up, still swollen, it was time to go to the Panama border to renew my visa. Nervewracking and the occasion always swirls with prayers. I hadn’t been sleeping well, so it was nice that kambo sang me to sleep. My song was…..hushabye and goodnight….kambo’s songs were mostly aya songs with some rainbow songs thrown in. I drifted in and out. Border run went well, only stayed one hour in the no mans land zone….not Panama and not CostaRica……did a bit of shopping, ate lunch and went back to the magically lineless border and doneski. So, now we have that out of the way, oh boy….who wants to know about the kambo? I told my travel partners of the experience and they both said…they wouldn’t wanna do it. So……the first thing I should tell you is why. WHY do kambo? Why take the most poisonous frog on the planet…….into your body? This guy is so powerful that he has no predators. NONE. Nobody can harm him…..animalwise that is. If a snake eats him….he spits it out! So, this tree frog has no enemies and he knows his sacredity. He sings in the rain each morning…..and the kambo shaman comes and sings to the frog. A frog then shows up and offers itself.  It is very very bad juju to harm one. Ok. So, upon arrival, we learned that rape is to be given first. Its either a very specific tobacco or a mixed powder. We got powder. A teeny tiny pipe is used…..scoops the rape, then the person is to open the mouth and not breathe. They blow it in each nostril….it goes straight to the brain….eyes water, need help to move or walk….don’t swallow!!! Spit, spit spit, vomit, spit. 5 minutes. All done. That just went through your brain cleaning pathways. Cleansing.

   
    
    
   
The kambo. Kambo swims through your body and looks for what’s wrong….and fixes it. If it can. Spiritually folks….there is no actual frog swimming…just his medicine. Here’s the WHY. Kambo is a vaccine for dengue fever, malaria and others…….boosts immunity, flushes lymph system, wipes away black clouds, restores luck, cleanses organs, helps depression and it can help you be the person you feel you could have been had you not gone through the shit of life. That’s what you set your intention on…a vision in your mind of that person. Mine… walks through the forest wearing a living coat with a train 50 ft long….of animal guide friends. See…..a part of me sees me very powerfully! So. What happened during my experience was… he lights the end of a very small dowel rod, with a flame. Gets the tip redhot then burns the skin. Going in a line, next, next, next. The number and place on the body can vary. If you get kambo 3 times within a moon cycle, it is a 10 year vaccine against malaria, etc. We each got 6 points burned, then he gets a bit of poison on the tip of a knife (looks like petroleum jelly) and dabs it on each point…..asking you to let him know when your heart speeds up and you feel the green fire. Wow Whoa. By the time you start to say I FEEL IT…..you are incapacitated. They helped me to my mat….but no……I needed to pee. Oh…….I forgot a section. You have to drink 3 liters of water in 15 minutes right before. I had already done it once and vomited it up at 2 ¾ liters. Ya….had to start over. My liver is saturated and any food or liquid is hard to get down. It doesn’t process through.

So…..I sit and drink….AGAIN….while another is given her kambo…..she cried and cried and said help me…stuff like that and I nearly chickened out folks. But….I didn’t. SO…..all this water in me and I think I have to pee….not purge, pee. They take me…I squat, skirt to my belly, shaman standing there…lol……..vomit…..no pee…..vomit…..no pee. LOL…let them help me to the mat, with my skirt all kattywompers. Some people experience spiritual things…but rarely the first time.  I certainly didn’t…..just sickness…..and the green fire caused a sweat that caused a chill and I shivered…..and my face swelled. He comes along and drips water down the points to reactivate the medicine, periodically….till he feels you are done then he washes it off and later, adds dragons blood to each point to seal it. The only time it really hurt was the actual burn which only lasted 5 seconds. The kambo effects(the hard ones), last 20-30 minutes. A very very rough 20-30 minutes, but worth it in the long run. The key is to KNOW it will end soon. So there you have it. I am now protected from some mosquito borne illnesses….in mosquito country, and who knows….it could help with the depression brain rut grooves. I started my 2nd set of aya spoons today….and that is where my intention went….to those grooves….to fill them with love, so I don’t have to go down them simply by rote.

   
    
 The man who gave us the kambo….is the Iboga shaman….well, one of them. Afterwards, he explained iboga completely. This explanation gave me such extreme hope…….and such extreme fear…………………..at once. First off…you must pass physical medical tests before being allowed to take iboga. 2nd…..he makes you sign a contract that when you see the Clearly marked DOOR to the other side……..that you will not go through it, to die. FOR his sake. He would be liable. He says we will see an ancestor who we can ask questions of. Then we’ll see 3 beings. The 3 beings will lead us. We will be taken to the root cause of our main suffering…..no matter which lifetime.  We will be able to alter it. For 3 days…..there is no sleep…only journey. 100 times more powerful than ayahuasca……………one….maybe 2 treatments in life and that’s it. Oh………Iboga is mainly known cuz it CURES HEROIN and METH, and other strong addictions, but there is a huge spiritual component. It will cost $3,000…possibly $3,500….for me. Mine is an illness treatment….not just spiritual. Spiritual only I think is $2,000. Oh ya…..for those who don’t know…it is from Africa and is the strongest psychotropic on the planet.(think that’s the right word). And it too….can help depression. Scary stuff. Dude says….hardest thing I’ll ever do in life.

There are things in my way of this, yet it feels like my last resort. First, I have to raise that money, then….I have to raise the courage. Also….I have to live long enough to take it. I just did the kambo to give me more time, but I don’t know how much it gave me. I’m still seeing how much it helped the food processing. I’m thinkin not so much. I saw the green bile though so I know I removed some. As for the sadness……I’m asking for mine to stop….no longer necessary….so I can transmute others pain. The ruts need filled in though, I can feel them…….and asking once…was not enough.  Much on my mind….. much much much on my mind. Empty the mind….hmmmm……I just seem to keep filling mine. Dangling from a highwire……trying to right myself, put my foot back on the ground level path… and take steps. I think the hardest part for me is feeling like I’ve failed at life. Depression, no depression….sadness, tears….whatever……in the end, it, I, still know that what I offered the world….was not really wanted….and rarely chosen. I deal with it…..but the fact remains. Few read these words…..very few. An extreme few purchased my art, and that’s about all I got. So….I try to reconcile that with whether I should keep trying to heal. I’m just sitting here, listening for God…….waiting for a next step. Signing off at Quebradas……..CostaRica, that is. PS……when I think I can’t do these hard hard things…..I remember you guys…..and that If I don’t do it….how will you know if you can? THAT’s……how I’m able. Love love. Pss….me thinks the world needs a Shaman for mental hospitals. 🌞

   
    
    
 

me….BRAVE?………..again??????????

Oh how fun! My God is a very smart God. There is a celestial event taking place and we are being showered with photons, however, I was just reading that it was positrons. The opposite of an electron. The electron being physical and it’s twin, the missing positron….is the spiritual. Well, the spiritual positron is returning. Our spinning ball is spinning through them. They’re calling it a wave. I remember during the movie Phenomenon, learning about photons…..then learning there were gatramegatrillions of photons in the Milky Way. I remember wishing for us to steer through it and get showered in photons. Well. Wish happening! Have any of you been going through the changes? Everything speeding up? Changing locations? Physical symptoms like headaches? Tired? Becoming intuitive? Synchronicities? Oh….positron = antimatter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh how fun indeed! What a year it’s already been…..more on the horizon! WOW. I’ll fess up. The wave peaks on Sept. 28, so I’m staying put till then at least. I was put here for a reason, don’t ya think? They say the lightworkers are being relocated. I’m in Central America and have been here for half a year….half a year!!! One month became half a year. I’ve been at least 75 people since then……changing everyday. The sessions with Rhonda are going amazingly! Wow she is good! I have learned some of the reasons why I came to earth and what my plan was and have been able to see how it was designed. So intricately. It seems that, as suspected, not all of the tears….are mine. I am an empath. I cry to release the negatives happening on earth. I’m a global empath, not individual people. Now that I understand this….it makes life so much easier and  I’m more willing now. Why’s are important. Remember how I thought I was here to save the world? I was…am! Without my tears……the world would be heavier, scarier, meaner. See….I am worthy of being a child of God. Today, I was in town sitting in a café when intense emotion came up. I was able to tell instantly that it wasn’t mine. So…..not caring where I was…..I released the tears. Haha!!! Yay!!! A purpose! I know, it probably sounds goofy to you but I promise….it’s real. AND……………….the word DEPRESSION has been removed from my vocabulary concerning I and I. See, I never clicked with the word empath cuz I didn’t pick up on peoples emotions…..therefore, thought I wasn’t one. Yay. The pieces of me are falling into place…..one by one and sometimes a mad flurry! Oh…….and why is GOD so smart??? Haha. He gave mushrooms!!! I am outside….rain or shine, hunched over, in the forest, with positrons landing on me!!! I am not inside depressed, nope….I’m out….catching the falling life. You wanna talk connected? You look at nature. I have one photo. One photo that shows how much life wants to be. Life….being God I guess…..wanting to BE. There are beings…..so tiny…..you don’t notice them, but I do. They are friends, they are family. They touch each other.

   
    
    
 They choose where they live and who they live with. They intermarry. They like architecture like we do and will allow life and will grow around it. They love. They come out holes in the rotted wood. They poke out…….and grow and then bend toward the light. Yesterday, a tiny shiny snail see what I see. I blow some photos up huge, just to attempt to convey. The mushrooms rarely grow alone. There are areas where they hang out. Oh, believe me…there are a gazillion areas they can grow…same exact conditions…..but no. They are family. I have rounds I go to. Certain mushroom areas. These areas are growing. The other cabin dweller reminded me theres a garden!!! Plus……it’s as if the mushies know someone is here to see them….and they are born to be seen. I lived here 5 months with no mushrooms on the stairway. Now…..everyday, more and more. Nearly every step has them now…..and they grow like condominiums daily. I squeal and giggle a lot. The forest is getting accustomed to that sound. OH! Did you know the mushroom is the fruit of the being? The rest of the being lives under the ground, unseen……connecting the life of the forest, like an internet.  Haha, that internet knows I’m here searching it’s web.

   
    
    
   
Spirit says…….Kambo medicine. Oh Lordie. What???? WHY?????? Cuz it will help the liver some, it will help the hepC and it can help with that word I no longer use…depression. Hadn’t a clue. I only knew it was a natural vaccine. It’s the most powerful antibiotic and anesthetic in the world. Here’s what I know. It was discovered while in the forest doing aya……a guy was told by Grandmother AYAhuasca about this frog. Many tribes use it. It protects against malaria among other things. The frog is caught….a tree frog, while singing in the rain. He is then laid on his back and tied down…..horrible, I know. They then make him angry and he releases a medicine that they scrape off. No frogs are allowed to be harmed, aside from the scraping. Then,  they burn some holes in you with a small stick….then put kambo medicine into the burn. I hear it’s a green fire that goes through the body looking for what needs done. I hear 20 minutes of vomit and pain and it’s over. My daughter just told me I’m really brave. THAT scares the crap outta me! Haha. The old fogey in me says I’m too old for this stuff. Haha….but I’m not old now, I’m new. So……pain in the morning……..Panama border the next morning and back to the aya spoons on Tuesday morning. I’m even considering a colonic. Yikes….maybe I won’t need it after the kambo. Poor frog…..guess he must be paying off karma. They say it’s like a cloud gets lifted off you when its done. I’ve lived my whole life with pain, I can do 20 minutes. Haha…pray for me! Tomorrow morning.

While the power….the force, of LOVE is expanding me, I still deal with envy. I’m still teaching myself to experience joy through them, instead of ick. Instead of need. Why do I need? God provides all I need, when I need. At least I can say there’s improvement….it’s just a flicker now and is gone and replaced with love quite quickly. And what am I envious about now? Haha….someone just did aya with the Columbian shaman that I canceled out on……and it was the most profound ceremony she’s ever had. Crap! Oh well….but it wasn’t to be for me just yet. Perhaps my liver just couldn’t take the aya in the state it was/is in. Perhaps the froggie will help squeeze out some of the saturated mess that is my liver. See…reasons for everything…..would explain why I didn’t do but the one glass at SOL. Ok…..loving me, loving you. Signing off at Quebradas CostaRica. Tomorrow I’ll show ya my scars!!!

   
    
    
   
(If you missed the slug….go back up and find this mushroom) 🌞

the SOUND of healing…

One of my friends congratulated me on my new joy. You know, the one of being alive? Will this joy last? It seems that Buddha knew there is always an ebb and flow. I call it the rollercoaster ride…..and even the….going down the wrong river channel. It’s a part of life as sure as breathing. I believe it still falls under the category of….you don’t know something, until you know the length and breath(sp) of it. The subtle and the extreme. The good and the bad. And even then….some little child, for example, can come along and challenge everything you thought you knew….by turning it a different direction or simply doing something different with it…than was intended for it. Ya. Life. Unknowable…..but steerable. Every day I understand another drop of life. Oh, and get this……I asked my daughter how bad my singing voice was….saying that I needed to record it to find out….and she said I sounded beautiful. WHAT??? Haha. Wow. I did ask Grandmother ayahuasca…….and she always gives me what I ask for….so wow. So far she does anyway. She’s been very gentle. I am most grateful and in awe. I dedicated today’s ceremony to her and mother earth, by visualizing all the memories I could conger up. Mountains, oceans, forests, different animals…..saying thankyou for the animals too. I did this cuz I just couldn’t keep asking, without giving. I cried for the beauty of the earth. The water, the green, the blue, the brown, the red, the yellow and orange. The flowers of pink and purple, the skies of the same, different hues……the beauty of us. Orangutan, frog and ox. And the beautiful killer. Two legged triumph and waste, finds its beauty and purpose in the horror of the cringed faces. Ya. We are life unfolding and that is beautiful. Logic tells me depravity belongs as well…..it being a genuine emotion. Hmmmm. e motion. Energy in motion. Watch out, that though just zipped by!!! Night night. 1:24am = 7 = Holy.

Todays spoon wasn’t as meaningful. I once again doubted myself, but caught it by the tail and whipped it around. I am learning how to pull myself, like a vacuum….outta the dips when I begin a dive. Wasn’t really a dive, more like an old hat that wanted to be worn. I’ve been wearing depression for decades…..might take me a minute. And just so you know…..when I say the spoon wasn’t as meaningful, what I mean is…..well, it’s just a tablespoon. It really doesn’t give you the ayahuasca effects. I feel the slight fuzz in the head and ¸        even the purge factor but the actual ceremony, is up to me. Yes, I get everything ready beforehand…..fresh water in the glass to the tippy top, a candle at each direction, the altars, the flowers, the dufumador music to sage by, start the playlist, set the intentions, call in guides and begin. Well, see, this is the part where I get to fill in the blank. I am not taken on a journey….I take myself. And it was me who chose today to go down blame and unworthy alley…..but it was also me who pulled me back. So I suppose it was meaningful. I pulled myself back from a hole that I created and it grew bigger and deeper with each tear that fell into it. So…..I saw that. That’s useful. THEN…..I…….I and I………..(I love that)…… decided I didn’t like where I went, so I rewrote it. Like a new script….and up and out I came, the tears dried and all that was left was some icky frustrated residue…..which I then carried through the day. THEN……we took the bus to a sound healing!!!

Haha….we weren’t sure of the bus stop to get off at, and the bickering mustve been hilarious!!! Lol……..until it culminated with Summer crossing her arms and saying……well. I guess we’re not going then. And I really wanted to go. This is your fault. HAHAHAAAAAAaaaaa. It was so fun. I’m cracking up as I type. Two hens….pecking…….lol. So I call the lady and she says get off the bus and wait for a Morazan bus. We did. This is where we met Alexandro……the shoe maker. What a beautiful being. I think he was an Angel. He was telling us about the  spirit in the trees and the animals and the sky. He had a custom grocery cart with huge wheels and a tabletop umbrella. He goes door to door, making shoes. Yay. So, then we got the other bus(it covers the first half of my hill…Quebradas bus covers top half)….and we arrived. WOW. Really cool! This lady has some pipes! She sings with the bowls and instruments and it amplifies her voice. It was truly special. A large array of instruments, half of which I’d never seen before! The vibrations felt awesome. Even saw a large mushroom as we approached that house! So, it was a fun eventful day in the rain. Rainy season doesn’t stop people here. It’s raining now too.

  
   
    
 

I love….

That I take whatever is at hand to create what I need. If I’m cold, I grab what’s near and wrap it over my head to warm me. I needed a rattle/shaker but didn’t make it into town, so….I made one for about a penny. I also instantly knew how…with a trip to town, I could make it better, for 2 cents!!! I love that colors turn me on like sex does to the masses. I love that I trust myself implicitly and I love that because I just typed that, I changed myself again by realizing that if I trust myself implicitly…..then the doubt I had just this morning…is no longer necessary!!!!!!! I love that I giggle. I love that I’m still alive! I love that I get to love sooooo big. 
   
    
   
Ok. Tomorrow is Feria day and I’ll be anxiously getting some of that squash!!!! Days without it since discovery!!!! Heavens!!!!! Looks like I’ll be traveling to Panama this weekend with my friend. Ya I know, I coulda gone with my daughter. Oh well. Ceremony spoon tomorrow then 3 days off. It’s going well. Later chickies!!! Signing off at Quebradas CostaRica !!! Yeehaw!