Cecil, the LIONSgate….and another country calls…

Waiting on God. Hmmm. This way of life is hard on the gut. I feel stress, not knowing. Several options are in the air…hovering, cooking, coalescing. While I, here on planet, am doing hard soul work. It is rewarding though. SO…..for any of you who were intrigued at the idea of the ayahuasca but are too scared to try….I have a safe harmless alternative for you. The Soul Freedom Technique that Rhonda is using with me. The reason I say it can replace aya…not replace but…well, shoot…just let me finish! With the aya, I was shown that my abusive ex husband was brought into my life to show me that I was an abuser to myself, that I beat me up way worse than he could. Well………………with the SFT(Rhonda), I was given another such aya type insight. The family I chose to come into….as a child…….created the me that was designed……by ignoring me, not wanting to be around me, not caring if I lived or died. HUH????? It’s simple. I was then forced to find LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, SELF ACCEPTANCE AND LOVE……..all on my own. Like a baby bird who has fallen from the nest….I found my own way. That was my design before coming here. When I designed this incarnation on the planet. Oooooh, this stuff is so cool! I’ve been intrigued with the idea I could find out these things, for years. I’ve uncovered altogether, counting other hypnosis events…..4 past lives. I’m not comfortable sharing them all, but I will share a peep into my past……..a tailor on cobblestone streets and a monk who was being tortured. I’ve had 2 sessions so far and both were wow! The 2nd being very helpful.

Times have changed here, therefore I know that the time to move on is growing closer. Not supposed to plan, remember? Well, the plan to go to SOL on Monday has not worked out. We may or may not end up there where I may or may not do a ceremony on the full blue moon on Friday…..and where I may or may not pick up some teaspoon a day medicine….which I would then take fairly quickly, in case of a move in another direction…..say………..NORTH! So yes, there is a particular place calling………..but I’ll hold off saying it to keep its energy integrity. This is a spiritual call. Not really a place of ……………..oh, I’ve always wanted to go there!!! No, more of a …..heart connection to the land and the people. I recently read a book that excited me to no end….haha…literally, no end cuz I may be going!!! Oh, but of course there needs to be an end cuz I have pups to see and other places to be called to. I felt the call then, while I was reading the book….but it wasn’t time. Then there’s the logistics of it all. Should I go? Will I have to go alone? Can I go alone? This place will require boat rides to and fro places…me, alone, doing that? Not sure. Oh, and God has lit a fire under one aspect of this journey. Once again, I need to keep it to myself, but I’m NOT a happy camper about it. People and their justifications. I swear. All I know is….my dander has been tweaked and pulled!!!

 Oh hey!!!  QUIT using that apostrophe with I and m. I’m. Erase that contraction from your memory banks. When we put the words I and AM together…we are telling the universe something. The universe listens and thinks we want that, so it tries to gather things and push and cajole things…to make that happen for you. So, if I were to say, I’m pissed…..that comes to….I am piss. Hmmm. I am urine. Urine is not a wanted item to have around, so you are telling the universe that you’re not good enough to be around. It will help you get there!!! So….a change of word phrasing is in order, now that we know how much power words have. Words….created everything. Let there be light…..were the words God first used after breathing the planet into being. In the bible….the WORD….is an entity. Honestly!!! So, the people who invented contractions….were most likely gov people, lol. Instead….say things like…I am worthy. I am smart. I am love. I am happy. It’s hard though. Anger can drive you to say the words I am pissed……….but you can shift it……..change it instead to something more like…..all I know is my dander has been tweaked and pulled. Hahaha!!! Yippykayay! On the other hand…..I can now look at the other side of it…and see the possible feelings of the other party. Understanding comes when you try to step into their skin for a second.

Last night I witnessed a once upon a time husband. I witnessed his loss of self. It was very sad. Apparently nobody wants to tell him how serious the body changes are. How serious the broken pieces are. This man was my husband. I slept next to him. I cooked for him. I loved him lightly. It was a failed marriage and he never recovered. I did. I needs must ohonopono this. He doesn’t understand….it was so obvious….he clearly was bumfuzzled that he was the one who clothed, fed and bathed our daughter through her life…yet she was choosing me to be with in the end…and not him. And he is quite sick….about to lose his home too. It was a very heavy layer of love for me to feel. I wanted to shout the truth to him….that he was broken. I wanted him to know, cuz I’d want to know. But I didn’t. I kept my mouth shut. Not sure I did his soul a favor. He doesn’t know!!! He thinks he’s just a little broken…so he keeps trying to take the computer test from before his accident. He’s in the dark and I don’t like that. I’m not allowed to send him healing energy….after I saved his life once with reiki…and told his parents…they were furious….demanded I never pray or heal him again. Go figure. (he had a hole in his liver I think it was….and surgery was to be in the morning….I sealed the hole and no surgery was required and he went home) Very sad. I did say a generic prayer last night…couldn’t help myself.

A year in a day. Yup….right after I spoke it…it happened. Lol, not truly a year but I bet it feels like a year to that lion killer! Honest to God…this is what I saw. Post 1……a dentist lured away and killed a lion! Post 2….did you see what the dentist did to the lion? Post 3……Dentist feeling heat for killing lion. Post 4……dentist fights back, defends killing lion. Post 5. Dentist is sorry and Post 6….Dentist closes his practice after backlash from killing lion. What the?????????? IN one day????? In ONE DAY!!!!! While that was happening to the lion killer….this lion….LEO with birthday approaching!!!!……..the landscaper here, cut my kitchen window flowers down!!! Not only that. He made it so ugly, plants laying on top of plants…dead now. Life. Gone. No more hummingbirds there. No more kinkajous. Very disturbing for me…..which upsets me enough to leave….with no hard feelings cuz once again….i believe it is part of the universe putting the players in place at certain intervals. I believe it is looking like another journey is about to begin. Oooooooh…….scary and thrilling and exciting!!! Oh my gooness!!!! I need to decide tonight….to take the rental place or not! There is a physical aspect to the Call to go there(which would fall into the art category)…..but mostly it’s a spiritual connection I’m feeling. And perhaps the rainbow energy needs anchored there. Ha, a side benefit! Ugggh….cool cuz I really need some fresh mushrooms to discover!!! LOL. I hope I’m not boring you with the mushroom shots….so cute. The photos are deceptive I’m sure…..so far, I haven’t found a mushroom larger than 2 inches, but the majority….are the size of…well, a bit smaller than a pea. Yes…very tiny world I’ve entered. Ok….signing off…in the rain….while I wait…….for signs. To aya or not to aya….to country hop or not to hop. To rent it or not to rent it. Screw it. I’m gonna rent it. ……………signing off from Quebradas Costa Rica(ten minutes from San Isidro) What an exciting time!!! To be alive at this time is AWE. Ps….24 hrs later, the internet wolves are now calling for the world to boycott the dudes business for life! WOW! Life in the NOW. PSS….google….spiritual lionsgate.

another LAYER of me…

Twilight Zone. That’s a tv show that used to scare the tar outta me. Now I feel like I’m living inside an episode. A long episode. Once upon a time, people witnessed changes in their lifetime and could tally the big ones up at the end of their span of life. I don’t think we can do that now. Us old folks….not even old…..are experiencing more change in a days time….than we used to feel in a year. I remember that one prediction that Summer and I laughed at…..saying that on January 20something, of last year, that life would speed up to a year inside a day. We laughed. That January came and went. Another came. Now, in July…..I feel it. A year in a day. I keep asking God why, why on earth He wanted me here for this. Sure, it’s exciting as all get out, and it’s a first and an only and it’s the culmination possibly, of this movie…….yet….the pain I feel at the loss, the changes…is extreme. I saw a post yesterday that I didn’t even read…..the description was enough to have me scratching my head. Apparently this kid did something nice….like holding a door or something. The post was about how that was once upon a time…common courtesy…now it’s so rare it’s raved about. Ya. That aspect of this new world. Ya. THAT! The America I knew, I’m sorry to say….is gone. The world I knew, is gone as well. Plot twist, technological upgrade insert(not always good)….ya. I feel like I’m swinning in an unfamiliar river now. A new current. I don’t like it. I’m trying to reach that new river now. The ascended river. Gosh, they’ve trained our brains well cuz that sounds soooo hokey!!!

Anytime in my life where I needed to do some type of hypnosisish stuff, I would freeze up cuz I didn’t trust my brain to be able to pull the answer out of thin air. It always made me so uncomfortable. What if I said the wrong thing? Or, most often, it was the…..I’m paying for this and I really need the answer…..don’t rely on MY inner mind to find it!!! Ya, I was no good at it so I avoided it. When I did the hypnosis with the healer dude in May, it felt weird, but it also felt true. The things I saw fit with my life history. I was like, whoa. But still, I didn’t trust it 100%. Then I had this other session, with my friend…who I have permission to say…..Rhonda Meyers…and I had to trust an inner voice inside me to pull answers from the air once again. Wow….and once again, the answers fit. Puzzle pieces. This leads me to wonder if I can do more…lol….!!! I plan to play with energies. I wonder if I can pull answers for others? Only way to find out is to try. I know I used to have the ability to see someones death approaching. That is a form pf psychicness. Perhaps I have more. I’m calling back my gifts…the ones I pushed down due to reactions of other humans. The touch healing…how does one get that back? How does one get a mustard seeds worth of belief that they deserve something they threw away? I’m working on it cuz people are in need and one in particular is counting on me to claim that gift once again.

Healing. That word seems to pervade my world. Wow, where did that word come from? It fits too, I looked it up! Well, it does though. I was born a touch healer who shoved it away, down down…..later, I became a Reiki Master plus, lol. (Advanced) I put my own spin on it and created my own form of healing, which I’m happy to say has indeed worked quite well….distance healing. Now I have a new healing energy….its rainbow. There…I finally told you. I wasn’t ready before. It’s not regular rainbow…..but it is rainbow. Quite powerful stuff. It’s so funny though. After I described what I did with my rainbow energy yesterday, Summer suggested a website to see. I saw. An hour earlier, I went on a rare shamanic journey…self guided but with theta wave shamanic drumming playing. It was a powerful journey. I’m just realizing that it is its own dimension. So…….as part of the journey that I had no…absolutely no idea where it would go before I went….only 2 minute warning anyway…..and I end up anchoring the rainbow energy. The way that I did it……was only ONE way it could have been anchored, yet it is what came to me as the correct choice……and so afterward, as I tell Summer, she suggests that site. Whoa. They do the same thing!!! A different rainbow energy but the same exact type of delivery. WOW. My shrinking self said….well, then why do they need me? They’ve obviously already got other people doing the same exact thing….why bother bringing me to the planet??? Ugggh!!! Lol………………….Honestly that was my response! Haha….apparently I either have an inventive soul…or I have a pampered lazy one.

 But back to the original point……the state of things. I don’t wanna give bad things energy by speaking of them, yet I feel the need for a warning. A fine hairline I tread. It’s like with the facebook, I can sit on top of a mountain and watch the ants…..I see movements and tends. I see which paths are being grooved and worn…which will create the future. What I’m observing lately is not good. Not good. Yes, I am seeing many many good things happening….but something seems wrong. A hardening of many minds. A thick coating. As one example…only one…….and not intended to gain energy…just as an awareness……these eyes see that unless something is done……..quickly………….that rape and sexual abuse will be allowable. Be afraid with me folks….so we can stop that trend from gaining enough strength, but it is surely in the minds………………………….  Really? Damn. Lets ascend already. I can’t eat my friends anymore. I’m sorry for the inner being who is sad about that, yet I’m also happy for the aspect that was horrified and now has relief. I can’t do it. I still hear God during ayahuasca saying….Now what am I supposed to do with this dead chicken? Ya. He was sort of joking but not and it’s no longer funny for me. Not after I saw a baby cow meet a baby human. Somehow that baby cow knew it was a baby of another species, so it got down on its knees to approach. That one scene told me all I ever need to know about the animal kingdom. The human baby did not show that respect, only the cow. Problem is…..plants breathe. And, science has now proven that plants feel. So how am I supposed to eat??????? Was this the test? The plan? Create a world, create man…..then wait and see how long it would take before man harmed nothing and nobody….cuz we all are him…… and instead, ate the prana in the air, waiting to feed us for thousands, millions of years. Think of it as fairy dust that gives the body cells their every wish!!! We’re not there yet. Nope….food. I don’t know what to do. Cut the green things or cut the things that bleed? Pain is pain. I’m hungry. Guess I’ll go eat someones baby. Eggs…does a body good. Haha! Don’t blink!!! Life is changing like a charging horse!!! LOL…..the girl can be dramatic!  Had a great session…..Soul Freedom Technique….Rhonda Meyers. http://anow.fotway.com/ascension-tools/3643-2  WOW! I’m so impressed, with both her…and me! Haha. Ok….later guys. Yay!!!


Market Day!!!

Today I shall tell you a few tidbits of what I observe here in CostaRica. Haha!!! First and foremost….cuz it’s happening this moment, is…..the driving. The vast majority of the people here take the public bus. From the oldest crotchetyest to the ones who have only breathed a few times, all ride the bus. One dollar and eighty cents best I can convert. So…it’s basically a relaxed system. If you want to pass, the truck in front of you will honk to say go. Basically, you can pass any friggin time you want, as long as there’s enough room between you and something else, and lemme tell ya…these Ticos know how to push that limit!!! I shit you not we are speaking in the arena of say an inch or less!!! I laugh. No point in fearing. There are quite a few motorcycles here too, and a lot of them are delivery bikes. They also believe in loudspeaker selling in this country. While Summer and I waited for an iPod repair, the blaring of product announcements was carving deep trenches in our ear drums!!! They also do it on foot behind cars in neighborhoods, mine included. Mangos, get your mangos….just in Spanish instead! My Spanish is improving with teeny tiny baby steps. The software is infallible, it’s me that forgets. The girls wear bobby pins…simple beauty and the babies are pushed in baby joy type strollers. In other words, the strollers are designed to make the baby happy, instead of designed to restrain. Cute cute little bugs or cars, etc. Haven’t taken a photo for you cuz I don’t wanna infringe on the mommies wishes. The people here are quieter, dignified. But they like to giggle and smile with us. They are a proud people. When I asked permission to take a photo of one mans bananas, he insisted I take one of an orchid he had there for sale. So cute. Oh! I underpaid by a hundred colones(25cents I think) for about 50 smoothies and they never said a word!!! Lol I heard that same lady wanted to have sex with a married man, lol he was telling me he won’t go there now!!! At the fabric store, oh goodness it’s so hard to describe, it’s a relaxed attitude I suppose. How they cut it. And today, instead of laying the fabric out, she pulled one thread. Allllll the way across! This was her line to tell her where to cut!!! I like them. I just plain like them. They strive to be good people. It’s very obvious. Kinda hard to penetrate the wall of their heart though. Maybe one day I’ll have close friends from here. Ha, or not. I generally haven’t made many friends in the past.    
It’s Thursday, feria day. I’ve been shy and only took generic photos from afar so far. Today I give you a tour!!! Yay!! First stop, pancakes!!!! They stop serving at 11!!! Oh. I should tell you it’s raining! Never gone into town when it’s raining. So. Cafe Delicias. Pancakes, $3.00. Yum! My friend Elena’s booth is at the very very back….the bitter end of the feria structure which attaches to a small grocery. Elena is the meetup booth. Like Grand Central Station! Love my Elena!!! We of course, met up with Sound of Light and since a major element of SOL is leaving this week, Summer and I shall go there to say goodbyes. I will miss that precious baby who I just wanna grab n run away with!!! Arrow!!!!! I miss him already. He just learned to give kisses and I got some!!! I also talked with Vismay while there and he’s ok with the spoon a day idea but he wants me to come there so he can explain it. That, was the sign I needed. This means a trip to SOL is in order. Also, it’s time to reUp on the visa. I don’t need to go but Summer does. Or if I need to stay longer then I’d be out of sync with her 90 days. It’s a long day and I’m gonna whine about it now for a second cuz I feel ill decide to go. 😊. The guy who drove us last time has just died!!! So car rental here we come. Bye Gary!!! Sorry dude, know you still had plans. So….because of the SOL trip and the Panama trip, Summer decided not to go back to Awakening Soul just yet. Her dear friend is leaving SOL for Israel. Family. Goodbyes. My kitty Mona Isa had a ruptured uterus and is home recovering from surgery. The bill for said surgery will need a reckoning. $700 for what they said would be a spay. 

 Hubby still in China. Raining. Food smells coming from the kitchen. Yum! Ok. Well, I took feria photos as promised. The obvious ones I know, but the majority of these, I have no clue. Nope. Don’t know their names or what they taste like, but they sure are interesting and unusual to my eyes. Oh…went mushroom hunting today after the rain but those photos can wait till next time. And, I’ll get to hunt for new kinds at SOL!!!! Yay!!! And no, I don’t even touch them. Well, cept for today I tickled a teeny eeny. Signing off at Quebradas Costa Rica baby!!! Home is still in Texas though. Later!!!!


the WHY…

I’m not a scientist,  I’m an explorer. I don’t have petri dishes lined up one after one for me to analyze and dissect the what or the why. I am, however, hardwired from birth, to explore….to search….to find meaning. The book is so problematic for me. It was written by humans, stories chosen by humans, translated by humans…..how much is accurate and even if it all were, it’s so very hard to understand. Parables. Stories. Could be’s. My point is….from as young as I can remember, I wanted to know WHY. WHY are we here? What for????? There must be a point. What is it. If a person is wondering why….why she has been created and placed on the spinning ball planet, where is there room in the brain for other things, like say….joy? But that is who I am…..who I created myself to be for this go round. And oh….I no longer have doubts about reincarnation. It’s been proven to me beyond a shadow of a doubt. So….since I now have an understanding, my brain has shifted again. The more I search, the more it’s looking like we ALL come to planet with abilities to connect with one another…….empath, psychic, shaman, clairvoyant, (and all the clairs!), Ya. I think we all come with a gift…..but the world we experience determines what happens to that gift. If say, we hear voices…………and our family is not accepting of that…..you may never develop that skill of hearing when others are in trouble or finding a lost person or hearing of a plant recipe that would cure thousands. In fact, a lot of those people end up in psych wards being raped and brain shocked everyday. No…our society does not allow these gifts. They are laughed at….shamed….ridiculed….killed…..locked away. Do you realeyes how many different gifts there are? How could they all be mistakes?

Think about it……guide talkers, teleporters, remote viewers, ghost see-ers, ghost talkers, ghost hear-ers, color see-ers, disease see-ers, heal-ers, death see-ers, future see-ers, object movers, and thought see-ers. Now…..truly. Do you really think that it was a flaw in the design of humans????? So many flaws???? Or is it merely that the leaders of society fear for their leader-ship status, so fear the gifts of the people, that could shake their ships……and they quash the people. Throw labels on the gifts. Blankets of shame on those who use or hone their gifts. These gifts are our birthright……(signed away on the birth certificate which gives us to the GOVERNMENT. If I had a baby with this knowledge….I would refuse the birth certificate.) I have a few of these gifts actually. I’m just now ready to believe and to accept and to implement. I used to be a death see-er but I shut it down. Because I shut it down, it wriggled and changed shapes and became being able to see and sometimes communicate with one who is in process of death.  I no longer see that people will die. I see when I’m told, then if necessary, I try to speak to them. Kinda useful I suppose. Sure was useful for hubby’s dad! He got to stay on planet a few extra days for something he wanted. So if you think you have the hintings of a gift….research it…hone it…it’s yours.

 Another thing that I think we don’t realeyes. When our gifts are not developed…ignored, squished, stepped on……we develop glitches. Depression, bipolar, schizophrenic, anxiety, OCD….etc. We aren’t actually broken…..we just are not utilized or appreciated or taught or encouraged or or or. For some reason…this society has decided that the ones without the glitches….are the good ones. Like the food on the conveyor belt….good fruit, bad fruit….bad fruit tumbling down into another chute….ending in a pile of other bad fruits…..who all only know how to be sad or mad or scared. Doomed. NOT!!!  Free that voice. What is it saying? No, not the ones that say to kill someone….those voices are best sent to the light…..being a major glitch! :=))  Haha…maybe that’s why when I buy things, I often will buy the misshapen one….the crooked tree, the bent thing, lol. Hear a voice? What’s it saying?

 I think my friend may have thrown me more than a rope. It feels like a tree branch…..a very strong one. Of course she did. I just told you I spent my life wondering why I was here. It caused my unhappiness. Well…..I now know why I am here. It causes my happiness. In my heart, I view it as a miracle. To shift in one night….is another miracle. Not my first. My third I’d say. First being when God rebirthed me, 2nd when HE gave me a glimpse into the why’s of life by showing me a glimpse of the archetypes of life(winter solstice experience), and now….being shown WHY I’m here. The theory that we all choose to come to planet earth school………..that we choose our families, or lessons to learn……I believed it oh, maybe 30%. NOW? Haha. Now I know it’s real. I remember. It’s not a clear memory as in furniture or specific clothing, but it is a deep heart memory. So….for any of you who are also suffering……..from a brain gone glitch….perhaps if you could find out the reason you chose to come….your purpose this go round…maybe it would free you up. Think back in history. Can you think of a time that was more crucial than now? What an exciting time. What a painful time. What a joyous coming together of the collective unconscious. Hundredth monkey is reached every second these days in my guesstimation!!! I know I’m working hard on myself….which goes into the collective of knowledge….the ultimate How to for Dummies. Sorry…I seem to be hooked on that title.

When I did the hypnosis in May, I was told I was being given a new energy. The man doing the hypnosis asked me if I knew what to do with it, and I immediately, while still under, said yes. I felt it as a hesitant yes. Turns out it is not the same as the other reiki and similar energies I use. And, it turns out I now know what to do with it…just don’t know how, when or the detailed why.. Got the general why. That guy messaged me today. LOL. Perhaps now is the time to learn more specifics? It’s starting to come together. I’m starting to come together.

There is a spider web a few inches from my head where I sit in my bed….(my couch), or where my head rests on a pillow to sleep. 2 spiders live there, one large, one small. Lately, there are more converging on me. Collecting at the head of my bed. Kinda creepy….kinda cool. Guess that’s it. Food smells are wafting my direction. Mushrooms! Lol. Later guys! Signing off in Costa Rica!!!

no title is good enough…READ!

If I’m about to say something unkind….there is a thing inside me that whispers, saying…don’t say that. It is then up to me whether or not I say it. Sometimes I do. It never fails though that when I do…..it tastes nasty coming out of my mouth. Also…..when about to speak of anything best left unsaid. Have you noticed that? Is there something, someone, guiding you? Do you know your life guides? I don’t. I’ve always tried to find out who they are, the best I ever got was to wake up to the insistent words in my head in 2001…….”You can call me Celeste, since you insist on a name”. That’s it. That’s the one and only communication with a spirit guide in words….that I know of. Until last night. I told you about the healing session I was about to do….that would take me through past lives. Ha. Well…..I will not be telling you much. It’s not something that should be told. But I can skirt around it to update you. I’ll do my very best to explain….without explaining. Ok. So, my friend has been doing this work for awhile and says she can tell when someone is faking or telling her what they think she wants to hear. She said mine was a true story. Both my daughter and I concurred. It was too familiar to be wrong. Very strange. Like when I did the hypnosis in May, I was required to answer questions. Have you guys ever done that? Its weird. You hear a voice give an answer, but you don’t think it’s real. The lady then pushes you to say it anyway. Whoa….then suddenly it does make sense. This continues. Just pulling words out of thin air that are dropping like rain. I laugh. Summer told me today that it was the times that I laughed that obviously made me uncomfortable and she knew those especially were true things. My shyness, lack of worth….would hear the words and giggle. In the end, 2 hours later……I was given a rope to hold onto. A way to climb out. Or if not climb, then at least a way to remain on the ledge and not fall. Until a more permanent release can be found for the tears……..I think I’ll be ok. Why?

I know you wanna know why. What did I learn, but I cannot. Not details. What I can say…..is…….some wacky things I suspected about myself, my soul that is……that troubled me greatly…..were proven true. Holy cows……..I’m not insane! THAT my friends….is what I got. I got the assured knowledge….to my depths….that I am just fine. Just overwhelmed in a life that didn’t go quite according to plan. Oh the joy I feel I cannot express. Very much like I felt after my Aya revelations…..but this one is deeper. Deeper to the core. To the core that I’ve carried 53 years. I know who I am. Who I was and who I will be. But that, was not the final assignment….discovering who I am. Oh no. More to do. Now…..I just gotta encourage this newness to express itself. I do indeed have a mission. OH….one of which I will tell you. To heal myself of the muscle disease pain. That’s one of my Purposes. Sure woke it back up bigtime last night during the session too. :=((  bummer. Could be why I find myself in a rainforest at the beginning of rainy season, eh? If that’s my purpose? Then I will have to feel the pain….in order to heal it. Rain brings it on….well, barometric pressure does, which changes with the arrival of rain. You see?????? Sometimes all a human needs is to be told WHY they are doing what they’re doing. In my case…why I came. I understand it now. I screwed it up. I erred. I get to fix it. Haha. I found my truth and my truth is……I like big challenges, and I like to cover all bases when doing those challenges……I forgot a few bases this lifetime. HAHAHAAAAAAA, looooolllllll. This is so funny to me. I used to blame God or my higher self….lol, that was the accurate one. But I felt like someone had made a mistake by sending me here. Yup…me!!! Lol. Noone but me. Just like what the Aya told me….it was ME that was the meanest to me. I feel like the world has been lifted from my shoulders. Literally. Remember I used to tell you I grew up believing I was supposed to save the world? Hahahahaa! I understand it now! I’m free. I’m free! Lol, but what will I do with the freedom? Will I remain? Will I decide once again that I’m not up to the task? Will I shut down? Will I RISE?  Oh the friggin beautiful mystery of it all. Gosh….I’m sorry. I really wanted to do this medicine journey to help you guys, but this…..this past life knowledge, cannot be duplicated. Bummer. Not like I can tell you where to go get a dose. Oh! Well maybe…..maybe if you do the work too………maybe what you find out will prove something to your soul too. Hmmm. Don’t even know what this work is called. 
Another way to put it is…….those things that were catalysts in the past, to help heal me…like Amma and ayahuasca, well……those things were outside of me. They didn’t last. Now granted, the aya could and most likely is still working within my body as I type, but I no longer feel it or see it much. No. I don’t think this will fade. This is within me. This IS me. Feels like getting the answers about me…confirmation about me…..understanding about me……..might be healing me. Like I said, it’s new…….we shall see.

Ok guys…..i learned something. It’s not good. What happens in the rainforest, does not Stay in the rainforest. Remember when I first got here I was so trippin out about living in the clouds? Ya, really cool, huh? Guess what? They’re not regular clouds. They are from the trees. The trees release the vapor. Remove the trees………….remove the vapor………………..drought the planet. Your choice. They are dozing the rainforests in South America left and right. Ecuador has just agreed to sell 1/3 of it’s rainforests to China. One third. Don’t let them convince you that the funky weather is only due to greenhouse gas. Bullshit. Removing the ozone. Uggh. They just be trying to screw us from both ends. The movie script is just getting juicy!!!

Hubby is out of country as well again….as of Saturday. Jesse is home alone with whats left of the animals. Mona Isa is sick so I had him take her to the vet. Uterus infection so the loud one is about to be spayed. Ha, we were waiting for her to ever go OUT of heat so we could! Blue and the baby pup Dolly, are being boarded. BLUEDOG!!! Mama Loves you!!! MaryAlice has been posting some photos of the goats so that makes me happy. Still no photos from the lady who has the bulk of the goats. She only posted a photo the day after she got em. This does not make me happy. I said I’d be ok with getting the money for them after she paid Tracy off, but I did expect photos at the very least. I don’t understand. Makes me wonder too much. Did she really keep them? Did they get sold for meat? Without a photo….since February when I took them to her….how would I know. ??????? Huh? Faith. Trust. Did that. Had that. Do you think it was easy for me to sell my babies? Yes, I should wash my hands of it all……but there was a promise made. And….I can’t. Pain. Are they alive? Are they ok? There’s also the money factor…..i haven’t been paid yet for the first chunk of my herd….29 goats. Something I was willing to do to keep the herd together. Needed the money badly too. Love. Does a body good. Love you guys!!! Signing off with a lighter heart from Quebradas Costa Rica….home of the hummingbird population…..the rest just go on vacations. So…………………………..can I get a YEEHAW??????

Ps….there’s the hairy momocino fruit I forgot to show yesterday AND….that green light??? That’s the firefly that came to visit last night after the healing work!!! Oh…and….I have a laughing gekko!!!

my Existential life…

I was released from the fear grip regarding Jade Helm last week in my sleep. I woke up to the first thought of the day….a realization that I no longer was caught in the vice grip. I’ve taken a step back from it all. Or more aptly said……I’ve been whisked a step away. I guess that is not my job right now, to be crazy in fear mode. No…I am a light worker. A helper. Forgive me for getting sucked in. It might have been cuz I was already sucked so far down with the depression. Wait…..I’m not wanting to use that inaccurate word anymore. My tears. My tears don’t need a label. They stem from you and from me and from past moments and memories and things I see or feel or hear or know. My tears shed. Like a skin. Like a snake. Shedding is rebirth. Becoming new. Changing for the next segment. A new wardrobe for the body. New pebbles to step on…..a new path. Remember though people……..a new path, might not be completely smooth until it gets worn and comfortable….haha….and even then….if you get comfortable, you will probably be given another fork in the road. All these forks…….of our life…..I bet look like a tree. God!!!! Have you seen my tree???? It is the most massive! Most beautiful! Look, it’s all spread out covering the whole of the earth……providing shade for some and a peek of sunlight for others. Lessons all. I am a teacher. My very presence is the subject. I show what to be or what not to be, what to do or not to do, how one can feel or not feel. My lessons are as vast as the ocean of my tears.

I’m not like you. Or you. I don’t go through my day thinking of bills or cars or appointments or dinner. I’m not sure why, in my mind….that makes me bad, but it does. Or has. I need that to change. My day is filled with thoughts about unseen things. The mind. I am stuck in the mind. The wandering, thinking, questing, searching, confused mind. I’m not sure if it’s better or worse than being in the rat race mind…but it certainly is different. I am indeed fortunate to be placed in a body, in a country, in a financial arrangement that allows me to be who I am, this pondering I amness. If I was starving, with my belly protruding to kingdom come, my mind would probably be thinking other thoughts than the surreal existential ones that preoccupy and take hostage, my weebly wobbly brain. Hmmm. Maybe it’s not weebly wobbly. What do I know about it? I know that it is capable of going in many different directions and doing reasonably well or at least fair to middlin…..so it’s paths work. I know it gets squishy when a mother is mentioned, or a good outcome after someone helped. These are 2 things I’ve been able to identify recently as triggers that cause my belly to crunch up tight and tears to well. My plan is to keep identifying them and ohonopono them away. Look it up. :=)) I’ve already mentioned it but google does it so well.

I’m writing my own life version of Overcoming Life….for dummies….so you’ll find my methods rather unusual. Unique, like me. So…what’s my plan for discovering which things elicit which emotions in me? Movies!!! Yup!. Hey, I use what I got. I’m a rainbow gal. My essence is rainbow. Everything about me suggests color. My Wiggles book. I love the color healing rooms, but I channeled that book, so it wasn’t my idea, just a good one. Must be true in another dimension. I’m finally grasping the idea of the dimensions. The deeper version. Haha, I used to wonder if there was a dimension where I did unload the dishwasher vs a dimension where I didn’t. They say there’s one for every possible possibility. Goodness, that’s a lot ……and I mean A LOT of dimensions. Hmmmm. House of many mansions. Hmmm. See…..I’m a deep thinker. That’s my job. Haha. Good grief. I’m constantly trying to figure out what my job is….my purpose. Other than crying……………..or finding joy or love in nearly all things…all beings. Ya. I’m deep. Deep without roots. Ohhhh. My roots can’t find home so they expand and expand and go in so many directions…looking, looking. Always seeking, always lonely for a way I don’t even know. A road not visible. Hmmm, no, not a road. A road implies perpetual journey. I think one day my mind would like to rest…..just rest.  Oh! I heard something interesting the other day…of all you non meditators like me.  I never really understood why I should, except that it was supposedly a path to enlightenment. I also heard it could help one get a blank page in the mind….something I have yet to achieve. ANYWAY……what I heard is……it creates new pathways in the brain! That you don’t HAVE to do it for hours on end…….5-10 minutes a day, created new pathways. Now THAT….is a reason.

 It’s been awhile since I’ve talked with you. Over a week. My daughter has been here and I’m busy keeping myself in solid brain mode instead of liquid mush while she’s here. God helped me out with that. He gave me a new focus. A very tiny focus……which means complete and intense….no real room for tears in those moments. Haha!!! He took me back to my childhood! He gave me MUSHROOMS! Hahaha!!! As a child I lived in nature. Alone. Spent my time in the woods and collected nature as well. At my home, I had the worlds smallest frogs. I loved my frogs. My childhood passion was teeny tiny. Anything teeny tiny. Fairy like. Terrariums. Babies. As an adult, I once spent $70 on a one inch size baby. Well, God gave me tiny mushrooms. Not just them, but you gotta bend down low as the aya song goes…………Humble, you gotta bend down low and humble yourself to the spirit of the forest. Yes, bend down low. When you bend down low, your focus shifts. It is another world. Like the ocean to dry land. Separate worlds. Here in the forest, it’s layers. Many layers. I’m on the lowest one right now…..and up a bit as well…..some mushrooms grow on trees. Not only are they fun to hunt for photographs, but they are magical in many ways. Mushrooms are the internet of the planet. What you see above ground….is minute…..down below the soil is the roots…..the road…….the community. Mycelium connects all plant life. Spread mushroom spores across the planet and we could help restore it. That’s how important they are. You can carry fire in certain mushrooms. Research is needed in my opinion. Mucho mushroom research. I have a phone appointment with a friend whose gift is  helping people go back. Finding the core. Back through lineages if needed and usually is. It’s storming. We will if the storm allows I guess! Aya? Iboga? Dunno the answers to any of that yet. Won’t do any good to complain. Here’s to tonight. To the freedom I gain from doing the hard work. I’m also telling myself that the new fruit I found, lol….has magical properties that wash away depression!!!! Momocino!!! Pretty little hairy fruit. Hoping I remember the photo. Ok….later. Signing off from my cabina in Costa Rica……..Quebradas that is. I hope you like looking at mushrooms!!! Love love. Ps…just saw…..mushrooms eat plastic!!! Hello??? Ocean anyone???

the cowardly lion…

This time on planet earth is scarier to me than any other. Scarier than Dec 21, 2012. Way. From every corner of the earth and from many cultures….I am hearing this is it. My mind has blanked it out but some renowned Jewish dude had a prophecy a week or so ago and I think it said something about July 12. Now yesterday I hear again July 12. I’m hearing different avenues of collapse……like different folders…….all within a time frame up till November. I hear nothing about November or after. It’s as if a button was pushed somewhere that unleashed all hell. Ya buddy, it broke loose and it appears to be coming our way. Let’s pray it away. After all, this is a hologram they say….maybe we can somehow crash the boat into the side of the hologram and tear a hole in the sky, revealing a whole other world……just waiting for us. A happy world. A world where the elites and leaders aren’t trying to kill all the minions. A world where everything has rights? Hmmmm……..I used to think that was a simple phrase. Of course. A no brainer. Oh boy howdy…..I didn’t reckon on this population brain mind that’s goin on right now. Holy cow….they want rights from before they were denied. A no win. Something is souring the earth. They say there was a blood moon over America the day the Supreme court made their infamous announcement. They say theres more coming. China in a financial collapse? I dunno. Greece ?….to me, it points to someones finger on a button somewhere. Trickle down. Not much actually has to happen these days in reality. Due to the rapid speed on the connection of people through the internet……a rumor can go around the world in an instant. No bomb need ever be released. Like the money. There is no money. It’s all paper notes, passed along like kids at school.

(One of the Americanos….thrift store)

I belong to one group about Jade Helm, the military games that are set to begin next week. I don’t like to go to that group cuz it’s scary. Lots of panic and fear. But I do like to be aware….so I go and I do my best to sift through it. Do the citizens of these states, these towns….do they have any rights? What kind of games will be played? There’s not a ton of free empty land in my town…..people own the land. Will they be intruding on everyone? What about the dogs that are there to protect the land? They won’t take too kindly to war games. I’m talking about Livestock guardian dogs. They take their jobs seriously. I’m not home…….Why am I not home. I let the peoples fears rush me along. If it were the end of the world….would I want to be with strangers? Or home…with my son, hubby, pets. My daughter is here, but not here. I am alone. The world could be crashing and I live here by myself. I’ve done a piss poor job of telling you about all the stuff I’ve been hearing. My memory suffers lack spots. I don’t know, I don’t know. I’m not exaggerating. People from all walks….from so many avenues I’m hearing these things. My belly hurts from it all. I mean, the world was SUPPOSED to end and there wasn’t this much chatter. It’s very obvious that the world is going down a technological and cold path….or it seems that is one option. Maybe I should keep my tears after all, so I at least, will remember emotion….in a world going gone. I know, I know….I’m always gloom and now I’m doom as well. I’m just catching the energy and spitting it out. I don’t know if I’m a messenger or chicken little. Either way, don’t say I didn’t give you some kernels to chew on.

(Haha! He insisted I take his photo then hollered out…where you from? I said Texas. Later, we locked eyes in another part of the city and he says….Texas!!!)

One more thing. This could backfire on me, but as I looked at the list of Presidential candidates, the only acceptable one for me…and I really know not much about him, is Bernie Sanders….so of course I would go with him over an overlord or a sheister. But here’s my question…..I am soooo paranoid. What if…..he’s a plant. Ye know? The only safe choice for many to vote on, who is secretly not safe??? I dunno. Just noticing how swiftly he is moving up in the headlines. Reminds me of that Manchurian thing. I could be completely wrong and I hope so…..don’t know who else to vote for. Look…..they’ve turned me into a cynical wrinkled waif. Will we let fear dictate our words, our deeds? Me? Maybe. I’m  old and wrinkled is usually my excuse, but on the other hand, sometimes I do roar like the lion I am. Sometimes I’m not the baby Nala cub, but the proud protective mama.

Another glitch and I still don’t have the aya for the spoon a day. Also, the ceremonies next week? Changed. This week. Tonight. Done Santo Diame style. Not an easy style for me, with my pain issues. Constant dancing and up and down from a chair to standing. Hours worth. So, while I was deciding and finally shouted to God that since He asked me to not plan things….then He needed to give me good clear guidance. It began to rain and hasn’t stopped yet. If it’s raining here, it’s definitely raining there. I know…rain in a rainforest, but the combination is not ideal for me. Aya and rain. Experienced it already, in the heat and very light rains….not so bad, pre rainy season… But really I have no joy at the thought of puking in the rain then laying down wet.  I know….a big baby. The main reason though is that she won’t be there. I don’t seem to want to do ceremony without her. Her…my daughter. So far that’s 2 ceremonies I was expecting we’d do together…..that didn’t happen. And I just paid for advance ceremonies that may never happen….cuz they needed money. This trip has lost its appeal. Its goodness. I am grateful that we at least had that short time together doing things. Very sad that it stopped. May her body be healed. Oh, and the acupuncture guy that I stayed here for? Hmmm. Maybe I’ve changed my mind. The connection I felt has slipped away. Dunno yet.

 Tonight, 30 minutes away, ceremony will be taking place. I won’t be there. No, I’m a wuss and I’ll be here crying and railing at the powers that be for creating such a coward and at myself for failing at creating my desires. I know how. I rarely think to do it. Like a ball being held under water, eventually it will pop up and be seen and oh ya! Create what I want…..visualize it with emotion. So, I will cry, while they delve into their humanness and I will cry to insure mine. Still raining. May they be blessed and dry. May I be blessed and content and may you be blessed and free. Also, may my word processor go back to normal. Thank you. Signing off from confused and scared and alone in paradise……..Ps…dude in other cabin assured me I can take a taxi a mile away and refill my butane….I can make all the cookies I want!