Hallowed……what is?

3AM and I’m trying so hard to lay down but every two seconds I pop up and paint another stroke. I think I’ve finally gotten the crow painting the way I want it…ha….but I signed it an hour ago….lol. ya. Ha, then Jesse comes down, tells me what to change then goes back upstairs. I change it. Sit back, and ….hate it! Uggh, @#$$$%^$#@%&*%# as I cover a lot of what he told me to do…up…but,not all. Anyway, it speaks. Whether or not anyone but me understands what it’s saying….who knows. Haha…just popped up again! Ya. Anway….I did it. I painted on a fairly large canvas…largest for me anyway…30×40 and I don’t wanna throw it away. Musta done something right. Although…….I’m seein a few things I could fuss with. Oh ya…what I was tryin to say about the Jesse thing is that although what he asked me to do wasn’t right…it was right and necessary to end up being what I now deem right. :=)) Ok…gotta wind down. Tomorrow is Halloween and we’re supposed to close up early…oh wait…or not even come in…shoot. Can’t remember. Night night. So sleepy. Feeling a bit better mindwise. Not so unbearable. 3:30am = 6 = earth! Night Mama.

Goodness….apparently I am a …………………………..wow. Epiphany. Apparently I tell the world my…what? My thoughts. Hmmm. Should I? Dunno. In the meantime….apparently I am an extremely sensitive artist. I have to watch myself so carefully. My son comes in and looks. Oooh, I like the bird, but the owls face isn’t right. Oooh, I like the giraffes! Whatcha makin now? Ooooh, that’s great…better than that owl. WOW…..all the above were welcomed except the….better than that owl. That one phrase….nearly made me chunk the whole idea of this new artform…todays new artform. Ya…apparently I’m that bad. So….I had to be careful. Had to check myself, so that I didn’t put that on the poor innocent boy who is only trying to help his mama and trying to encourage his mama and trying to be honest with his mama. Does he want his words to be the thing that stops my art? NO. Is it fair to let that happen? NO. So, I have to catch myself, fix myself and continue on. Haha…had to continue on…it’s too much fun! I am painting tiny. Painting in miniature. I remember being so enamored with and in love with and jealous of….miniature art…in California, in a gallery/store. Ha….and I can now do it! WOW. Is that enough to fix my brain? No. Apparently when I got the news that I was dying….it switched something in my brain. Kinda like a train track. The track has been shifted back to the old track. It is a worn out, rickety and extremely dangerous track. Now…I need to flip the lever somehow….back to the new track…or even a newer track, that’s 100% love and light and a darn good track!

Lately I’ve been wondering about the blogging. Apparently blogging lost me my goat sale. On the other hand….I got to keep the goats. No money…..but I get to keep the goats. Need the goats to go. Love the goats. Anyway……if you wanna buy a goat from me….know that I tell the absolute truth. No sugar coat here. If I have lice…by god….I tell you I got lice here. Mites…yup. Cocci…..worms…well, thing is……all of these words….they are all everywhere…on every ranch. My goats came from excellent lines….complete with the bugs from each ranch. It’s not like they go to the barbershop and spa….and get a bath and get spic and span cleaned…just cuz they’re moving. Sheared and chemical’d out…..that’s about it. Every ranch has bugs….and worms. I’m just the one who talks about it. Oh well. Honesty may not get me much…..but it soothes me to know that I don’t lie. Why do you think I took an oath of honesty with myself….cuz I wanted at least one person in my life who wouldn’t lie to me. Ya….ME!

In the meantime…I’m on a precipice. Teetering.

Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch with a plate of wet paint by my knee and a stack of fiber…..well….in the fiber stack….to the right of the plate of wet paint. Happy Halloween. Hmmm…hallowed. Hallowed = sacred. Holy. Fascinating. What happened to the original thingy and who changed it to what it is now??? It surely ain’t sacred or holy. Later.

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the Butterflies…..flew away

I was at the fundraiser site getting a link for the blog when the photo of me caught my eye. What is that, I thought. On my wrist…what is that? Ohhhhhh. Oh wow. It happened so subtly, that I didn’t even notice. I didn’t even realize that I stopped drawing the butterfly on my wrist for the sad people. Maybe I notice it now because now I’m one of the sad people. No, I’m not cutting myself…but I am in a hole. Not even sure how long I’ve been in it now. It’s getting fuzzy. Was I down when I was up? Was my up just a down in disguise? Is there any hope for an artist with too many arts? Too many things to make? But none of them make money. I believe I’ve come to the realization that if I came to earth to have money…get money….be secure, with money….well, in that,….I have failed miserably. I’ll go ahead and take that loss. I bet I got a D-minus. But if I came to earth to be pulled like a gumby in all directions, like rubber…but…..oh, a rubber star! A rubber many many pointed star…Ooooh, like an octopus! Ok, so, if I came to be an octopus artist, well….wham damn fizzle….give the girl a prize!!! Tell her what she’s won!!! You win a scattered life with unfinished projects, a heap of self doubt and a courage to show your art that only activates if the red button is pushed. Where is the red button? Heck if I know.
Buttons. There are buttons that are pushed inside us all….words said to us, or by us, or images we see…..so many ways, but this button gets pushed and people slide down because of the button being pushed. Like an elevator going down. Sometimes the elevator goes all the way down. When it does, we tend to want out of the elevator because it is SO dark. We just want out. We can’t see, feel, hear, smell, taste…nothing. We may as well be dead…in the dark. And that’s just what happens. Many people decide to make that choice…to die…or….some make the choice to NOT die, but to let it be known that they are down on the basement level…..hoping someone will let them out, help them out…push the up button. Those people put a butterfly on their wrist. It is to keep them from harming themselves. Their way of dying while still living…or…dying while still living. Either way…their choice is to draw the butterfly instead of drawing on their body with a knife and blood is the paint. That’s what is no longer on my wrist! It wasn’t my butterfly though. It was for the butterfly cutters. I heard about them and wanted to support them so I drew a butterfly on my wrist each week…sometimes 3-4 butterflies….for around a year I did this. But one day….without even realizing…I stopped supporting them. I stopped drawing the butterflies. I wonder why. Maybe that’s when art entered my world, I’m not sure. Seeing that wrist…caught me by surprise. I’m sorry I stopped. I still support you all.

The red button. Seems someone pushed a button, not sure the color, but its sure a challenge. I literally told Cathy that I wasn’t ready to sell any of the goats….or at least not the ones being sold….but shoot, I stood in the pasture pointing at goat after goat, naming them and saying, see……I don’t wanna sell her. Over and over and over….knowing full well I was creating my reality with my emotion but I couldn’t stop myself. I was speaking the truth. I don’t want them to go. I may need them to go, but I don’t want them to go and I guess want wins. More emotion. I may need to take vitamins…..and I ‘may’ take them….but if I want a cookie…by George, I eat the cookie. I want to be mad, but shoot, I created my own reality. God has me in “learning mode”. Not always fun. I am also noticing that since my thoughts have turned negative and down…that Time is slowing. Fascinating. So fascinating that it spunked me up. Which was not an easy feat. It’s been a very odd day for someone like me. I wonder if this is the new me. Is this how I get to be now? Like I was in the old? Sad and slowed down time…all 3d and shit. God…what an eyeopener it was tonight when I realeyes’d that. I showed the crow to another person who had seen it earlier….and they, along with Summer, liked it better before. Great. I can take it negative or positive. Positive….I get to try again…just wipe it out and start again. I’ll take it. Or….I’d really rather keep it. And do a 2nd one. This one definitely speaks. Only difference between the two is….attempted perfection. Less freehand look, more precision. Less childlike, more adulthead. There’s more…just not goin there. Night night. Praying for clarity, gratefulness in the face of fear and apparently anger as well, and more love…unconditional…for me…and for all. 1:16am = infinity. Art.

Well, the monk strikes again…but this time….I stood up for myself and told him he was being hurtful. What’d he do this time? Well, I told you we had prints done of Owly Dreams. One canvas and one on high quality art paper. He saw them, was very pleased….then looks up at the original and says…..Hmmm, I like this better than the original. Hmmmm. Insult. He then comes back 30 minutes later and repeats it. Yes….definitely better than the original. I said……That is not helpful. It’s insulting and it hurts my feelings. He says….why? You can get more made cheaper this way? I said….then why bother doing the fiber at all? Why not switch back to acrylic and oil and be done with the fiber paintings. Yes. I think that would have made him happy. NOT happening monk! Well…sorta. I am doing acrylics again now, and that my friend is ALL thanks to you. When I express myself better with acrylic, you’ll see…..I AM….an Artist. And….when people start paying the money….start getting familiar with my fiber paintings, they will buy and then too…..you will see that I am an artist. BUT in the meantime…..I KNOW I’m an artist and I’ll just sit right here, doin what I do….in whatever medium I choose…and one day….one day people will know I was here. Not just here….but as a survivor of the brain. The brain that tells me I’m no good.

I found out there is a car show here next weekend. Same weekend as kid n ewe…also same weekend of the failed goat sale, so that frees up some time….but still….I called the guy remodeling my 55 Chevy and he said believe it or not, he was trying to be able to loadd it on a trailer to bring to the show…to silence some of his haters. Well…don’t know nothing about the haters, but I wanna see the truck and maybe it will get me some business into my tee tiny gallery. Ha…speaking of gallery…had a lady ask if I could put some of her lithographs in here. I said, well, there’s not much room….but she wants to bring them by tomorrow anyway. Haha….large, but we shall see…..guess that would make it a TRUE gallery. Ok….I’m done talkin for the day. It’s been a green apple kinda day. Oooooh….tonight is Namaste Farms BLOGtalk!!! Can’t wait!!! Natalie has been teaching….after a blogtalk idea was sprung and she appears to be very successfully sharing and teaching her hard earned knowledge….which is vast, in the fiber world. Join in if you can. Oh ya…..I made a penny sized painting of a hummingbird head today. lol. ya, I did. Ok…signing off at 920 Main St. Bastrop, Texas aka…. http://www.noahs-arts.com Also, if you’d like to support my healing journey……(healing from HepatitisC and stage 3 liver disease)…it’s working, so please continue to support the regimen and in January….support the jungle trip to finish the job. Don’t worry…when the time comes….I’ll give the link so You can see exactly where I need to go and why. In the meantime…….here is my FUNDRAISER…..click here to Donate.

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it’s the middle….YO BUDDHA!

My emotions go like a yimmy yammy. Bing bong, dooodaaap…..yup, inda knees as we sneeze! Lots of sneezing these days. Allergic to what? Death perhaps. Or perhaps life. I never knew. I’m so bummed at one part of my life. I’m rather disappointed in this one aspect of my new life…the depressing whiny part. I was a teacher here for so long. Now all I do is whine and talk about whining. Where did the teacher in me go? Why am I the student again? Who am I to know these answers…nobody knows these answers, yet it bothers me that I don’t know. Like I’m singled out. It’s only you that don’t know these things Sheri. Ya I call bullshit. I had a pretty hard night tonight. I was sinking fast when a couple…yes, it took 2….people distracted me by having a conversation with me. It was perfect timing cuz I was writing in the book tonight. It had been awhile. My last entry was about getting a gallery. Ha. A bit of catchup to do, eh? Nah, it all fit in perfectly. I’m a few hundred words from 10,000 at this point. I wonder when and how the book ends! I mean…seriously…how will I know when to end it? Whether I end up living or dying? Really…how will I know?

Really…when will I know if I get to live? I thought I knew the day I thought my virus was sleeping. I posted my numbers, the folks said yay, those numbers are normal, I jumped the gun and assumed that meant it was sleeping. Apparently the numbers can fluctuate and it may not mean anything. I may not have healed anything from that particular set of protocols and healing modalities at that moment in time. I however, have been doing more treatments since then. More things that may heal me. I’m trying what I know to try. Also, what I can afford to try. Even what I can’t afford to try. The coffee enemas, yum…..await me in the jungle. I remember back before I knew I was sick. Summer was teaching me about the jungle cures and she began to introduce me to ayahuasca. Then I heard about the iboga. The iboga was way more frightening than the ayahuasca but it was known for ridding the human of fears…the unnecessary kind…and addictions as well. But I noticed it cuz of the fear. My lil ears perked up cuz of the fears. Ha. Yet now here I am planning to go to the jungle!!! Fears!!!???? Death….Life. Life….Death. It’s the inbetween. The middle. Yo Budddha.

I’ve had an idea. See, it’s all about the money now for me….how gross. But it seems to be. During Namaste Farms Blogtalk one night, the cohost, Kimberly was explaining that in her husbands world….money was never really seen. It was spent but was never seen. Even into the millions. Don’t know what his career is, but I guess it is true or can be true. Wallstreet. The stock market. Things are bought and sold for oodles of money with no actual money changing hands. Reminds me of the movie….A Million to Juan, where a man in a limo gives a poor guy selling oranges on the street…a check for a million dollars. People gave him things, did things for him…all on the Promise, or illusion of that money. That paper check. Like the paper money. Like paper dolls. I know how to play paper dolls! Used to be one of my favorite childhood things, now that I think about it. Forgot! I seriously….seriously loved paper dolls. Hmmm, what does that say about me? Hmmm….dress up? A pretend life? Ok……goin to bed early tonight. No painting. Wrote in the book quite a bit instead. Night night folkies. Gonna shear tomorrow….if…it doesn’t rain. 1:07am = 8 = Infinity. I could paint for infinity.
Good thing I wrote last night. I’m in a mood….brought on by disrespect. It’s my home, my rules and I don’t care how old you are. Oh….and you’re welcome for the friggin ride. Well….got 2 more goats sheared. They know something is up and there was a lot of fighting last night after Sunshine was sheared…the lone goat sheared…..man, they were relentless, so today I made sure we did 2. And they were the last 2 of this years babies. The babies are done, yay. I’ve run outta room for fiber. The shower is no longer holding them. They just roll right back down the fiber bag mountain to land in a puddle on the floor. The puddle is growing. What to do, what to do. Nobody wants it but me cuz the lice are bloodthirsty suckers that refuse to listen to the world view, that chemicals down the back will make them die and go away. Especially if you do it every 10 days for awhile….to catch all the possible life cycles. Well….NOT. Didn’t work. AA fortune spent….extra this time…….and once again…same results. Lice. So……..Bury me with it for Gods sakes. Ya….I’m in a mood. A real bad one. Was yesterday too. Severe really. Shit….I now don’t even know if the damn crow painting is any good. This is not a good point in my life. I just gotta keep going. I dunno why. Why? Well….the blog went way south after that….talking about the sale that also went south, why do they do that? ….. so I deleted it and will end here. Here’s to a better day tomorrow. Amen. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.

http://www.noahs-arts.com/ It’s Noahs Arts….but don’t forget the dash!!!

AND…..

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/help-mamasheri-heal/224916

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what does the CROW say……?

My rants and whines could be construed as ungrateful. I suppose its true, but I mean no harm. I’m scared. I am scared. We don’t say words like that out loud these days, cuz we don’t dare let anyone see inside. The truth. They ask how are you….your answer is Fine. I’m fine. Well, there’s fine linen and fine china and fine ladies, but in truth…..there is no Fine of mind. Because there is no Fine of the mind….it can be easy for me to slide past one meal(metaphor)into the next. When I say…nobody is contributing to the fundraiser, or nobody is buying my art…..well, that sounds like I’m completely forgetting about all the sweethearts who did indeed contribute…and all without the Tv stars help….yes, I exaggerated yesterday…or all those who have bought a piece of my art(heart)….. please keep in mind that although I am ever so grateful for that meal……I am still hungry. I don’t require 3 meals a day like most…but the body does insist on more than none. Haha….an extreme way to say…….: Dear friends, all who have sent a donation or bought a painting, THANK YOU FROM THE TOP AND BOTTOM OF MY HEART. I forget you not.

I spent the evening moping and being sleepy. Was quite sleepy around 9pm but decided tot to give in to it. Yay me! Around midnight, the muse woke up and we painted. Not finished with the large acrylic painting, but close. It is for the contest. The crow. What does crow mean to you or the many faces of crow. How much would it cost to mail a framed 30×40 canvas to San Diego? Haha….who knows. A lot would be my guess. And lest you say…but I…..I live in SanDiego, or near San Diego…….not sure how that might help. Believe me, I’ve considered it. It must be framed. Hmmm….it’s one that’s 1 ½ inch sides. Does that kind require framing? See, I know nada about this stuff. I just create stuff. I’ve shown it to a few people…before it was finished…well, it still isn’t finished….and they liked it. Well, as usual, I couldn’t stop working on it. Then, when I did……around 3am, the acrylic owl was staring at me saying that it too needed some drastic help. So….I worked on the owl too. Jesse then came down and exclaimed….where’s it’s feathers???? I liked the feathers!!! Yes dear, but it’s a completely new owl now, can’t you see? Yes, but do the feathers. HEHEHEEEEEeeeee….funny, cuz my daughter and I now have matching nicknames. Feathers or MamaFeathers….and Little Feathers. Yeah!!! Ok ok….I’ll redo some feathers. Ps…painting with REAL colors(actual paint, that’s wet)…..is way cool. AND….faster! Results faster!!! Pretty cool beans. Frio frijoles. I can’t show you the crow. Not if I have any possibility of sending it off. One of the people who I showed it to is a Native American. He said…..it looked like a story nobody had heard before. Very accurate. Very very accurate. I like that. Oh and btw….there is NOTHING…not Artisty about this painting. Although photos were used for reference…this is a SheriLee mind painting fer sure.

Speaking of Sheri Lee and MamaFeathers. Have you noticed I have too many names? If I was to be adopted into a Native tribe…I feel sure they would name me….Too Many Names. My art is suffering from the same issue. First it was MamaSheri’s fuzzzy art….then Artfelt Prayers and now Noahs Arts. We are having an identity crisis. I keep changing the name at my FB page, but it seems ineffective. I have it at Noahs-Arts now. But does anyone have a friggin clue who Noahs-Arts is????? It’s ME!!! And my daughter. Oh……if anyone would like to sponsor the sending of the painting to the contest….PM me or comment here and thru email, I’ll show you a photo and if you think it stands a chance, maybe you’ll sponsor it. I would gift you then with a print of said painting. Not a canvas print, Very expensive….but a regular print…on the thick good paper. Prints…wowza. So expensive, not sure they’re very doable. Unless I go small. Very very small. Ha…like greeting cards. Would that interest any of my art fans? I was also thinking mugs. I know I adore drinking my tea from Owly Dreams. Course, I gotta get em to do it for right handers! I can’t see Owly!! Oh man…just sent a photo of the Crow to Summer….who is most likely working hard now. Oh…speaking of that.

I wonder if I can explain this accurately. I intend to go on the trip. I intend to have some healing arise while on the trip. I intend to free more of my inner child, artwise, on the trip. I intend to be involved with the orphanage….on the trip. And, I intend for people, friends, art, all ways….to assist $$$ wise in the taking of the trip. BUT…..BUT….I fully intend to be mostly healed before that even happens. I FULLY INTEND that the CBD oil, the reishi mushroom, the lipoitic acid/selenium……..are and shall do the trick. I’m not discounting you colloidal silver, it’s just that you’ve already left the building. I fully intend that I am ALREADY HEALed. If that were so…you wouldn’t mind kicking in a few bucks for a celebration/relaxation/rejuvenation ocean/jungle/art trip, would ya???? Why am I saying it this way? Cuz. I’m manifesting. I want to be healed before I go, so that I can enjoy the go. Lol, yes, I know…most go to be healed and that’s what I thought I would be doing….but it is MY MIND….and if I wanna heal before I go….why the heck can’t I???? And either way…whether I heal here before…or I heal there…..it all comes out in the same wash. So please…when the time comes…please send in a donation. That will be January. Get through Christmas….and then, come January, if you can spare a bit….I’d be blessed. I have huge hopes for this trip. Ahhh heck. Yes, it’s the jungle. What will I see, what will these artist eyes see in the jungle??? Blue Morph butterflies????? Yes!!! Monkeys! Jaguars!, lol…not sure I’ll see them, but I might hear them. I adore trees. Have since childhood….and I hear there’s 300 some species in a small area…wow. Thrilling. Oops….it’s shearing time. Cathy will be here in a few. And yay…one goat sheared. But….she has the very beginnings of mites…so she won’t be sold. Bummer, sweet Sunshine.

I’ve been asked to put 6-8 pieces in a gallery from Nov 12-Dec 12. It’s sorta local. Further than I thought though. It’s a 3 ½ hr drive instead of the 1 ½ that I thought. That said…I’ll still do it. Coming up with which pieces to use will be the hard part. They will need to be framed. I only have so many framed. Looks like the gallery will be frameless heading into Christmas. Hmmm. How smart is that? Dunno. Not completely….it might work out. I think I have 12 pieces framed. It’ll work. I can drop them off to a gal at the Kid n Ewe, 2 weekends from now. Gosh…so much to do, so little time. Gotta mail off some fleece too…haven’t forgotten…just swamped! And, gotta finish that totem….then finish a few pieces that are framed but not completed…..and if I have time….create a brand new one specifically for that gallery showing…..the crow contest….and I’m sure there’s more I’m forgetting.

Oh…one more thing. As for artists…a real artist….must take a painting past the point of…that looks cool…….cuz the painting isn’t finished. They will take the risk of ruining what they’ve already done…to try for the vision they have. I have just taken such a step….and it is not as well liked now…by one. This makes me sad. She liked it better before I changed it. That, is the price….one of the prices paid by being an artist. Hehe, unless of course, you only do the one. Stop. Do another separately, stop. Repeat. Repeat….then….using photoshop…superimpose them on top of one another. Then…you don’t have to push past the…it’s good stage. Ha…yes, some do that. Unfortunately, my Summer liked the crow better before I changed him. Jesse however, says she’s nuts…..but HE says the beak is not long enough…..crapola boy…there’s no room to add more beak! But I personally….am the REAL work of ART. I sit here…..with a grumpy look on my downturned smile…….but my heart is racing with excitement. Ya. Work of art I tell you, that’s ME. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.

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To post….or not to post

Wow….funny how a day can change. Can change YOU. Can change ME. I woke up fine…started back on the painting that I worked on till 3am. (No, not the totem, although I can finally be close to working on it due to shearing the correct goat…there’s an aspect of the totem that requires tiny black ringlets) Anyway, I worked on this acrylic till the wee hours then again upon waking. Was goin on ok……….oh whats the point. I sit here and smell cat pee. I have once again, lost my bearings. This is not good. Too many lost bearings. Bottom line is……..oh fuck. Doesn’t matter. Just F. F F F. My son lectures me and says that a few years ago….someone taught him to think WHAT you WANT….instead of what you don’t want…..it was you Mom. Why do I have to remind you of what you taught me??? I dunno baby, I dunno. I was riding in a bubble….a tiny but high bubble, misplaced because there was really not much to be high about……but my bubble got a hole. Deflated…..and with a whine, as all deflations go.

Today they are all F’s. Frustrated, fed up, f’d up, fooey. Ya…too many friggin days in the mud. I’m used to it being the other way around….up 95% of the time…..now it’s up 5% instead….and the 95% is the downturn. Too depressing. Can’t imagine why anyone would wanna read about this stuff. How many times have I said these words? Too many. I believe I wrote for the whole first year without saying it at all. Could be wrong, but I doubt it. Maybe it’s cuz I know more people now. Maybe now there are too many people…and I do it for them, instead of for me. I got word today that some money I was counting on to go be healed…didn’t come through. Now I’m back to saying…F it. And besides…I am now doomed to smelling cat pee for the rest of my life. Ha….rest of my life. Ha. Faith. Jesse wants to know where my faith is. Dunno…you find it, come tell me.

Took the boy to the library at his request. Seriously…what has happened to libraries these days? Wheres all the books? He ended up taking a couple but nothing that he wanted. Jeeze. So we head home. Nearly there when I realize we are nearly outta gas and we didn’t get any in town and hubby gets so mad if I use the one down the road cuz they water their gas. Crap. Shouldn’t be out, just had half a tank. Hmmm, I’m in a bad mood so lets just go back to town and eat a burger. Haven’t had but that one burger since Dday.(told I was dying day). So…..we should have close to half a tank but as we get about halfway back to Giddings, the low fuel light comes on and then whoosh……I feel it….we have lost power. Outta gas!!! Hahahahaaaa……coulda gone to that one….we you’ey’d there to turn around but NOOOOO…..I go all the way back and I run out half way there…..now we have to do…what???? What???? Even tried putting it in neutral then turning it off and back on. Nothing. So…I coasted awhile then finally pulled it over. Then…..in Park. I turn the car off again. Then turn the key and wala…it starts. And once again, theres a half a tank!!! Yay, headed to Giddings again. Haha….sorta…not so fast now. As we drive, the gas gauge goes lower and lower until …..as the Chevron is in sight…..whoosh….no power. Outta gas…..we drifted into the chevron and hard cranked the wheel to get the car in place. Yay. We made it. CRAZY!!!!!

So many things I don’t say here. Don’t wanna upset anyone. There are so many days when I just wanna say F it. I give up. Just flat out give up. I also say…why bother. I say that a lot. OF course, the happy me is always there to give an answer as to why to bother. But right now, tonight….I’m in the why bother mode. Earlier, I liked the art I was workin on….now it’s ugly. I’m tired of holding stuff in, tired of being up, when I’m not. Tired of pretending everything will be ok. Tired of wondering why I even bother telling myself or others it’ll be ok. Tired of wondering why nobody donates to my cause unless a tv star asks them to. Why don’t they do it when I ask? But they don’t. Tired of telling people about the CBD oil and nobody listening. Tired of doctors telling people they are dying. Tired of art being cheaper than wine…..unless it’s so bad that nobody can tell what it is, so they ponder it….what could it be?????? What could the artist be saying???? Saying????? They ain’t saying shit. They’re just putting colors on a blank thing and calling it art and people buy it…yet the people who actually DO ART….nah…..it’s only worth a quarter. But this squiggle….man it’s worth a grand. Tired of wishy washy. Tired of being tired. Tired of having nothing to say that’s good or happy.

Well, the sale of goats has changed again. Shoulda known not to post about it. 3 less goats now. Best made plans. God laughs when we make plans. Yadayadayada. Well, I PLAN to shear some goats tomorrow. Preferably some of the ones that MAY be leaving, so I know what shape they’re in….and to give em a lice dose…which btw…..didn’t do squat! All that money….done at 10 day intervals, over and over and over….did nada. NOTHING. I did learn one thing though…some goats got em…some goats don’t. That is a mystery that I’d like to solve. What is it about those who don’t? Like Luna? What does she have or not have…different than the others. I don’t know whether to post this or not. Ha…there’s my title. Ok…signing off at YeeHaw Ranch. Ps. Maybe I should be listing instead, the things I haven’t yet tried!!! Things I wanna try. Things that excite me to just consider getting to do them. I wasn’t sure there even were any but since I was told I’m sick, I now have a gallery. I painted with acrylics again, and I painted BIG…30×40!!!! There is room for a whole buncha firsts!!! Please God, help me think of the Firsts…instead of the Tired Ofs.

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a little Diversion…

Something got away from me. It was YOU! I got home tonight, looked through my word document files and saw nothing new. That meant I didn’t write any last night. Instead of starting one right then….my brain diverted. I thought of feeding the goats, but Jesse already had. Then I smooooooth forgot. First time I believe!!! Yup…I forgot to blog. That’s how many things are on my mind. The monkish or Buddhish way of being would say no mind is good. No mind. No mind. Hmmm. I remember asking my last boyfriend before I got married this time…..if he was able to get a blank page in his mind. He said yes. Hmmm. Recently I’ve seen descriptions of ADHD…that fit me to a T. Freaky. I wonder if that’s my thing, instead of the BPD I once thought. BPD kinda is a lil bit of all the disorders, but none real strong……well, depression was strong in me. Probably cuz I can’t get no blank page for goodness sakes! I can sorta divert now, which can be as good as a blank page, I suppose. I can take myself, when I remember, to another place. Or, I can say a chant. Or a mantra. Same thing basically. A prayer, said over and over….diverts the mind. Of course….you are then PRAYING….instead of THINKING…but prayer is better than thought. Prayer is thought. Thought is prayer. Intentional thought is wise prayer. So I guess I’m doing better and learning more on this journey. Sometimes you work so hard toward it and you just don’t get to see the results…and sometimes you can realize…wow…. I no longer think that way so I’ve changed!!! Okie dokie….it’s 12:21am = 6 = Earth. Earth. Festival. Yes. In a few hours. Night night.

Well, ok. It’s Sunday. Did the festival thingy. It was very strange being the only booth there that wasn’t allowed to sell, being that it was a non profit, but that’s how they get in. It’s the American Sheep and Goat Association. It went rather well. Turns out they did bring some clothing items after all, and so did I. We hung my paintings and had my easel just outside the tent. I stood by it, but am not great at speaking, unless I see interest. Jane did a wonderful job preparing for the show and from what I hear, went all out to get the lamb recipe. I ate lamb. Yes I did. Never in a million years did I think I would ever do that….its a baby…..but I did. It was a delicious meatball. I even ate 2. The people were each given wine glasses when they entered. They had to wait in line till allowed in at noon…big huge line. Got their glasses….did wine tastings then wandered. Many came for meatballs again and again. I honestly gave out close to or more than 500 business cards and told a few that I could do backdoor donations….but no sales. A good amount of people took cards saying they would be calling me for pet portraits. I hope they meant it. Jane did indeed buy the painting she saw last year and wanted…so there was that sale and I knew it in advance so I knew that if nothing happened…I’d at least have that money. Then….she bought one of my large scarfs/shawl. So, that made it even better. All in all, it was fun and we educated some people about goats and sheep. Yup, sheep taste good when they are babies, and fur can be used for wall hangings. Oh ya…the soap, scarves, coats, etc. As the day progressed…you can imagine…so did the tipsiness. Hehe. Old people. So cute. Fun. Then we went to dinner afterward which was also interesting, being that it served. Schnitzel and pumpernickel bread…which I loved. Didn’t try the schnitzel though.

I also spent a good bit of time with a guy looking to buy goats. On the phone and via messaging. Very double meaning stuff that. On one hand, I need less goats…on the other hand, these are my babies, family. None of the goats are being sold at full price. I haven’t received that kind of potential sale. I’m doing what I gotta do. Tonight at feeding, I looked around and told each one that was leaving, that they would be leaving. You’re going…you’re going….etc, over and over. Not so much a money maker as it is…less head to feed. I need less head to feed. Less head for Cathy to feed cuz People……..I do INTEND to go on my trip. I do INTEND to be healed. I have no idea. I am trusting. Faith. Some of the money will come from Summer, some from friends, some from hubby, some from selling paintings, some from the fundraiser. We can do this. I’m saying we cuz hell, I’m talking to you. Have been for 2 and a half years. You either want to keep reading me…or you don’t. People either want to buy my art…or they don’t. All I can do is my part, which is eat as healthy as I can, stay off the beer and cigarettes, keep taking all the herbal remedies….and pray. Oh…the CBD oil seems to be doing something….I no longer feel like my food is sitting in me all dang day. Jesse too cuz he plans to go to work as well. I don’t know what more can be done. We are doing everything humanly possible to heal me…..but it does take a village.

Summer made me a bunch of soups before she left and froze them. Hubby just made turkey soup today too. Tons to freeze. I’m doing my best to eat well while Summer is gone. Speaking of Summer, she has finally arrived. A whole week…to go a 2 day drive. Jeeze. A radiator cap. Then, she also had issues with the theft system, which is freaky on that car. Very finicky that theft system is. BUT, she made it. Yay!!! A special thankyou to Barb who took her in and went above and beyond. Bless you my dear. Alright. I’m outta words. Ya right. Hehe…Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.

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a tiny Blippet…growing Blog….

A tiny blippet blog. Yo, it’s 7pm Thursday night and no blog in sight!!! Nope…I peered and peered and saw nothing on the horizon so here….here is a tiny blippet. After careful analysis….oh……and I plan to go deep inside, find those 2 boys and change that storyline…..in the new storyline, little Sheri is still 5, still standing at the busstop with her bag of cookies and her mickey mouse changepurse, but this time….when the boys come to rob her, they hit an invisible wall, cuz this little Sheri is kick butt and has put a shield of protection and safety around herself and even an illness barrier shield….well, these boys ran right into it. I can see them now, they have fallen down and skinned their knees and they are running home to their mommy. Ya baby. My money issues should be freed up now, I do believe. Oh…there’s more. You’ll never guess. HA! IT TURNS OUT…..I AM AN ARTIST!!! I can even do my ART with REAL colors!!! Yup…these colors be wet! That makes them real. Good grief. And for any who are confused…read the back 5-6 blogs. Oh….so….I did it. I finally grabbed a canvas board and some acrylic paints and whamo…….I have 9/10 of a painting! Still need to put in some final black spot detail but other than that, it’s done….and….As I said…I’m an artist! IN other words….It worked. I can paint now, in any medium! How fun!!! Didn’t start shaping up till around hour 6 or so, but wow. I did it and am very happy with myself.

Got Diplo sheared this morning then it was too hot, so we put it off till tonight. Was just about to start painting when Summer needed money wired. They told her it was the radiator cap. She drove it forever with no issues SO……….lets pray. :=)))) She is eating a meal there where they are kind enough to prepare food the way she can eat it. Our friend Barb…from FB and a blog reader, Barb also bought a totem painting recently…well, she is building herself a home, that is not quite ready yet. That’s where Summer stayed last night. Very sweet of Barb to let Summer stay and for her to send her guy over to get Summer too. I surely do have good people in my life. Thank you ever so much Barb!!! So…I got the money wired to Summer and she is eating then plans to take off again….anxious to make some miles. I asked Cathy and Jesse to get started without me and they did…yay. Got the wrong goat, but oh well. Hehe. Funny you should ask…but yes, it matters this time. I’ll tell ya later. Ok…so much on my brain I’m swirlin. Gonna take a brain break and listen to Blogtalk….Namaste Farms. And…eat a cookie! Ha….signing off at YeeHaw Ranch. Oh, PS….I no longer care if I get published!!! WOW! I’m growing!!!

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